Hi...
 

Ventrilic style, militant and eloquent
Evidentially comprehension drowned in dissonant
"Don't know what you saying" remarks are insolent
So I protect my game with sodium silicate
Just know, my lyrics are masses intricately literate
One line ignorant responses are distantly relevant
So be belligerent on barbiturates, being inconsiderate
My definite arrogance wont suffer from your detriment
Let this verse be a celebrant, a branding delegate
That will eradicate your pessimistic negligent etiquette
Better yet, be petulant by my display of my excellence
My shit stay nice like zoo elephant's decadent excrements
Now read the replies for my verbal testament
Mr Vocabulary is here and will stay prevalent

http://netcees.co/showpost.php?p=232372&postcount=16

http://netcees.co/showpost.php?p=232376&postcount=2

Wack

lol. yea.

btw your (application of) vocabulary is cringe worthy. you barely have rhythm, coherence or any interesting concepts. everything just seems awfully superfluous.

don't write like this. please.

It's like a mirror

If mirrors were pretentious writings

dope

To sum up all posts thus far: they fucking love it!

lol

Cool, Mr. Vocabulary.

This felt like a forced dictionary flush version of V for Vendetta's introduction speech. You're trying too hard. Furthermore, vocabulary is not what makes your pieces placid, it's the interpretation of your train of thought.

This was an elementary piece on a steroid placebo. Great job.

Must agree with the others, it is overly wordy. Some parts were good though, like; ""Don't know what you saying" remarks are insolent
So I protect my game with sodium silicate." Overall, it seems to be just a bit of awkward sentence structure here and there. I am going to take a wild guess and say you are from Scandinavia. This line was odd but also funny in its own way " My shit stay nice like zoo elephant's decadent excrements." Good effort, perhaps just a simple alteration to sentence structure can assist.

HAHAHA...Scandinavia?....

Nice constructive feed u vindictive faggots

143. I think your writing is dense enough here its unnatural. The sentence structure seems deprecated. Or maybe like your thoughts are being dominated by your diction, instead of your words seeming like a natural expression of yourself.

I think you're kind of onto something. But lately the topical scene has been a lot more oriented around dudes who use big words and write scholarly stuff. Anyways, keep keyin 143 and welcome to the site

no one was vindictive, though. i've read him before, actually. he's from that era of RB where 'vocab' was a definable category. using a dictionary/thesaurus to 'improve' it would help you 'elevate'. i've told him before that it doesn't. he won't listen.

i think telling him not to write like this, but not how, is hugely constructive.

He can write however the fuck he wants.

uhm. obviously?

This seemed like you were doing to much. Almost like a braggadocious piece but a real nerdy one. I think you could have "dumbed" it down a bit and it would have came off smoother. Welcome though, keep doin ur thing. Fuck haters

Thank you for all the feed...Just write hit it on the head by it being an overwordy braggadocio piece....the key was in the last line but then I had to make a response...but I will drop a vocabless verse...My style exploits rhythm in words and how it rolls off the tongue...some lines are singular, some line are run ons...then mix of quads and sometimes I throw in reverses....wait..saying too much...lol

WHAT? K.

If you are just stuck on vocab.....rawn would be a good person for you to collab with
IT wouldn't mind collabing with you either but it'd be different