Confidence in ooze. (Certain and Vividlyvague)
 

VIVIDLYVAGUE
A departure from the the larva's ascent...
For one to grow so, I've shrunken by large and harvest resent-
ment for counterparts in arts I've, over time, decided neglect-
ing. Bent. But equally as starved of affection,
That I seek it from the peanut gallery in charge of inspection.
Introspection is the writer's reflection...
But what of pretention? The spite of inception?
A father famed and drifting. childless, respected.
The unfortunate offspring in the shadow of legends.
Posturing in mirrors, gesturing sessions...
Overcompensation in company, but separate
One is rarely expected of, or selected
as dad would,
Because on November 1st, the second skin is a shedded fit.
Fuck a lame's incepid conception. I'm not irrelevant.

CERTAIN
I've been more trigger-happy than usual lately,
with luminous hatred consuming my faceless identity
until I'm fruitlessly pacing.
I want to be better, too.
It's prudent to straighten your tie before a job interview.
Cheeks betray impossible youth. Eyes betray nothing.
Pining for trust. Sighs became dust in the wind.
Lies became push-pins,
tacking up accomplishments.
Shacked up, reading back issues of The Economist.
I'm harmless. Yes, I advocate disarmament
but spew homing missiles latching on to targets and
passively regard death as a passing fad, a martyr's rest.
But you're all I've ever wanted.

vv:

"A departure from the the larva's ascent...
For one to grow so, I've shrunken by large and harvest resent-
ment for counterparts in arts I've, over time, decided neglect-
ing. Bent. But equally as starved of affection,
That I seek it from the peanut gallery in charge of inspection."

I liked this, overall. I think you'd have been better served dropping the 'ment' and 'ing' off of resentment and neglecting. I think it'd have read a bit more blunt and unique. Still solid. I liked the last thought of this section in particular. It was well put.

"Introspection is the writer's reflection...
But what of pretention? The spite of inception?"

Didn't like this particular bar as much as the first. The first line seemed a bit redundant. Second line was serviceable.

"A father famed and drifting. childless, respected.
The unfortunate offspring in the shadow of legends.
Posturing in mirrors, gesturing sessions...
Overcompensation in company, but separate"

Really enjoyed the last line and, by association, the second to last. Lack of confidence and the feeling of being apart instead of being a part. Well worded. Cool.

One is rarely expected of, or selected
as dad would,
Because on November 1st, the second skin is a shedded fit.
Fuck a lame's incepid conception. I'm not irrelevant."

The last line could have been corny but the piece leading up to it, the theme of your writing, and the strong use of grammar made it work.

Good shtuff. Nothing earth shattering but a nice little verse.

Certain:

"I've been more trigger-happy than usual lately,
with luminous hatred consuming my faceless identity
until I'm fruitlessly pacing.

Nice opening line. Gets right into, grabs attention. Liked everything about this opening section except MAYBE luminous. I can't decide if I like its use or if its a bit forced. Aside from that, good.

"I want to be better, too.
It's prudent to straighten your tie before a job interview.
Cheeks betray impossible youth. Eyes betray nothing.
Pining for trust. Sighs became dust in the wind."

I liked the straighten your tie line. A very matter of fact, perfunctory, and utilitarian fact couched within a verse like this just bleeds malaise. That's how I took it, at least. Could also have been a command, but I don't think that's the intent you had for it. Eyes betray nothing was nice. Dust in the wind was a bit cliche for you, I think.

"Lies became push-pins,
tacking up accomplishments."

Ha.

"Shacked up, reading back issues of The Economist.
I'm harmless. Yes, I advocate disarmament
but spew homing missiles latching on to targets and
passively regard death as a passing fad, a martyr's rest.
But you're all I've ever wanted."

Solid ending. Death as a passing fad was fun.

I think you both complimented each other well. Before I clicked on this topic I was expecting a bit more length but this was nice for a short little collab. Thanks for the read fellas.

If I would have written the push-pins line you would have said it wasn't applicable @Certain.


I read VV's verse during a Tarini Moridi Iguazi themed soundtrack. It was very, to say the least, fluent. Keep doing you. Will probably indulge later.

The last four lines of my verse might have drawn that criticism. The push-pins line was directly relevant to the rest of the verse.

Everytime someone uses the phrase "but what of", (as VV used mid verse) I remember a scene in 300 when he accuses her of adultery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOA7HDOJj-g?t=1m10s


Skip to 1:10.

Lol. Thanks for the feed guys. I didn't think this would get put up tbh.

these are two separate verses
thats pretty much the nature of every collab here
Ive done it
theres nothing wrong with it
It can be enjoyable to read different takes on one topic or theme

now, nothing was especially wrong with this drop. The writing was enjoyable on both ends. The topic was pretty cool.

nothing was especially special. just... good drop

viv. seems like you are feeling your way around rhyming mechanics and advanced schemes, playing more with words and connotations than approaching a verse as "how do i say this thing that i want to say'". it's not objectively bad or good, but I just wAnted to point out the conceptual difference between yours and Certain's approach. The toying with words was very interesting, and since OM is all about flair/ how you make words fall together, i feel like this is important background study for anyone wanting to get familiar, get familiar. A few phrases and things I really liked that i havent seen before.

but on that note, i do not know what it meant all together.

Certain. I enjoyed the same lines as what Pancake quoted. This feels like a return to the writer you played when you first joined, those so many moons ago (lol july?).


This was a cool collab for me, because it showed two writers completely separated from eachother within their own interpretations of each other.. you got two very eifferent verses juxtaposed. It was just neat seeing how much they contrasted