Netcees

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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   Scrambled. (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=38729)

Certain 12-11-2013 02:50 AM

Scrambled.
 
I've cracked a few
eggs
in my time.
They were about the size of
your eyes.
And they never really meant much to me.
And they never meant much to me.
And they never meant much.
And they never.
I never.
We weren't more than that, those bubbling eggs
on the griddle's surface,
popping and sizzling beneath the bacon's
fat.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,
but it's dinnertime.
And the toast is burnt.

Mael 12-12-2013 04:19 AM

What kind of feed are you looking for?

Objective 12-12-2013 09:33 AM

This was dope. Enjoyed the poem from start to finnish.

Don't know if I understood it completely, but this seems to me that you're speaking of a relationship that isn't exactly serious from your part, but it is from her. However, it seems to be developing either way as you've already reached the stage where it gets serious and you haven't reached that point yet. Truly a poem that shows the differences in emotions in the start of a relationship, or the feelings that surround a relationship of the kind you're talking about in the poem.

Enjoyed it. If you plan to write more poems I'm definitely looking forward to them. Well done.

zygote 12-12-2013 09:27 PM

Reminds me stylistically of the poem 'like a flower in the rain' but the content is more conservative here. Perhaps you could have been even more minimalist with the language (thought the popping and sizzling part was the least effective, couldn't explain why though). The ending was nice.

Darth Yoda 12-12-2013 09:38 PM

Indeed the ending was very good

Wise Wiggles 12-12-2013 09:41 PM

I felt it in my loins

A tingle

big baby 12-12-2013 09:59 PM

Such an intense repertoire of extension you seem to be having here. The ending as stated was well rehearsed. Kudos

Nigma 12-13-2013 06:06 PM

Hi I am mid herd of the sheeple, this was different and weird but had all the components for enjoyment and a cute ending.

PancakeBrah 12-13-2013 06:25 PM

I liked this one. Obviously.


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