So i shit my pants today at the gym.
 

Hello.

So here i am.....all day long w the bubble guts....was drinking heavily last night.....been peeing out of my butt.

I had chinese buffet for lunch.....oh hey u lazy zip.....yea ill have the lunch special....an bring out sum fuckin general tsoas out this mug....do u even chinese?

I think they wacked off into the tsoa sause. The chink at the register always trys to get loud with me cuz the plastic is coming off of it and it doesnt slide good....U NEED CARD WITH.NEW.

I KNO THAT U FUCKING GOOK U TOLD ME YESTERDAY...TIMES 3. SLIDE IT AGAIN B4 I SLIDE INTO THAT OLD CRAZY LOOKIN KARATE BITCH IN THE CHAIR BY THE DOOR WIT THE LAMP SHADE HAT ON. DOES SHE KNOW ELECTRIC?



But i digress.

K SO

I get back ti work.

Processing insirance claims. U kno....the claim game sons. HELLO HEY UNITED HEALTH CARE....THIS.IS.CHARLES? OK WELL WE BOTH KNOW UR A SAND NIGGER WITH THE LAST NAME PATEL....PLEASE TRANSFER ME TO A SHORE SIDE REP. THANKS INDIAN SNAKE CHARMING TERRORIST FAGGOT IVE BEEN HELPFUL. HELLO? SHANEQUA?

OH GREAT.

LISTEN TO ME U SASSY BLACK BITCH....TRANSFER ME BACK TO DUBAI I WILL TAKE MY CHANCES WITH CHARLES PATEL.

NE HOW

I drink a half a serving of pre workout....my face starts to tingle.....TIME TO ROCK THE GYM

I HOP INTO MY MAROON 2002 GRAND PRIX

ZOOOOOM BROS.

IM ON TWO WHEELS OUT THE PARKING LOT

I FLICK A CIG BUT OUT THE WINDOW AND IT LANDS IN A PUDDLE OF GASOLINE THAT LEAD DIRECTLY TO THE HOUSE OF A WELL KNOWN DRUG DEALER THAT WAS HURTING CHILDREN AND MURDERED HIM BY EXPLOSION.

FUCK YEA FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKYEA!

HEADED TO THE GYM NOW MY PATH WILL KOT BE DETERRED.

i have arrived

I slide my key card ....the automated whore lets me know she is thankful to be having me workout in their training facility.

I smiled at the girl behind the counter like.....idc if ur 16 im gonna wack it while i think of ur face later. If youll excuse me ill be in the squat rack because im an adult.


So i do my warm ups....then i feel a little bubble in my belly....its ok....we took our pre workout shit.....its fine disregard it.

So i got 280 on the bar

Inb4 any of u think i give a fuck what u squat. Ur all fucking loserz to me.

So....i do my first set 5 reps. Perfect form. Intense bar speed. Basically im an animal.

Take a small breather...

Pace around the rack like... YEA HA YEAAAA IM NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT BUT IM VERY IMPORTANT AND I AK A REGULAR HERE. U SHOULD FEEL UNCOMFORTABKE. THIS IS NOT PLANET FITNESS. THERE IS NO LUNK ALARM HERE SHARP NINE. MAYBE ILL DO SUM MORE SQUATS OR.MAYBE ILL PUNCH UR FUCKING HEAD.OFF?

so i did that for like 15 minutes.

Then i was like.

Ok

Time to change the game.

So i go down for my first squat....got reallllll low......and that i just felt myself trying to use my butthole to push the bar back up....

Then my butt just gave loose.....i sat down...laid the bar on the safety rack and just sat in my own puddle of shit for a moment.....

Then i got up kinda speed walked to the locker room ....i took a shower and threw the shorts in the trash....

Kinda just held my head low not making i contact with any1 as i rushed out the gym




Should i go back?

Would u?

Discuss?

Will return when higher to read.

holy.shit.fuck roflfsjkdfahkjsdjhflaskdajjfdshkrjahwbjfhsdbfjhkwe bksahbfjkasbkrjbwejklvvk

this is the best thread in ages, thank you.

and ahaah shit if no one saw you poop ya pants sa'll good i'd think.. you got a membership at that joint or what

Yea...u cant workout there without one...10bucks a month

go back and demand your shorts

This was everything I wanted and more.

Multiple lol's throughout.

I particularly enjoyed the part where you insulted Sharp Nine. I hate that guy.

PancakeBrah slight: noted

Oh he was doing the sharp nine/split eight joke?

I will continue to think he was referring to Sharp Nine if it's all the same to every one else.

I was directly slighting sharp nine.

I am.aware of split eights training regimemt and am confident he is making very minimal...but measurabke gains.

Sharp nine will be a weakling forever.

Thats fucking gross. Now every time you go back and people look at you, youll be thinking..."do they know?"

Lold at ill take My chances withcharles patel tho

Entire thing was awesome

Congratulations

lol'd

appreciate the mention lol

Charming story.

fuckin etherd
lmaoooooooo

srsly crying lmfao

one time i sharted while making an omlet. it sucked, 'cause i had to man up and continue cooking 'cause the eggs were already in the skillet and the turkey bacon wasn't all chopped up yet. i went like 7 minutes straight in the kitchen with a brown nug in my boxers.

that shit was life altering

I hope u get a mysterious call at night an the voice from saw says let's play
A game, an tells u the gym an time u shit ur pants an says he has the video
Of the event An if u don't want him to release this on the net an to ur fam an all
The girls u try to creep an fail wit u have to do everything he says

the struggle

You should tell the girl at the front desk you shat yourself.

You need the pity points.

Lmao