Netcees

Netcees (http://netcees.org/index.php)
-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   Stepping Outside of Yourself: Does it require cloning? (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=36332)

Vulgar 12-01-2013 05:11 PM

Stepping Outside of Yourself: Does it require cloning?
 
e

Nigma 12-01-2013 05:58 PM

Damn man still killing it.

"Some honeycombs are made of hexagrams - onlookers admire its odd beauty
There's a difference between staying alert and being an ant in a food cabinet on guard duty"

Well worded for the complexity of the concept, that can be tough to do this effectively.

Autumn leaves/Buddhist cow bar was dope too.

The whole thing had all the components of a successful Vulgar verse. Depth, vocab, imagery, top notch. Consistently enjoyable throughout, commendable for a verse this size.

Geno 12-01-2013 07:00 PM

this is fucking insane dope. I will give propper feed soon. But yes, amazing drop.

Split 12-05-2013 07:07 AM

excellent. I don't know how you stay so well-spoken while at the same time writing on so many subjects for so many lines. I think shorter and more complex schemes interspersed within your verses would really free up your diction in places and let your more powerful, full-bodied bars shine through. You tend to not selectively highlight your own writing. I think a touch of presentative flair would make your verses appear as well-written as they actually are, if that makes sense.

Autumn sends the leaves; every ripple effect is a reverberation of the truth of now
Tranquil streams become chaos eddies, don't mind the corpse of the Buddhist cow
It decomposes so we can see there's hope enough to reach stars
Raindrops resemble crestfallen Earths, the ground soaks them up to restart tree barks
At root, we're bacterial formations, living chronicles of the indomitable test tube
Let's use our frontal lobes to strike conversations, or marvel at the rent's dues


WHOOOOOOO


Hope you are ready for this collab with dead man. u remember m8? i got bars

Vulgar 12-07-2013 01:59 PM

Thanks.

Split, I remember, lemme see those barz.

Zen 12-07-2013 03:15 PM

I'm gonna try and give in depth feed in return for what you gave me, but I'm on my phone so if its short I'll add more later. The opening section set up the flow perfectly but this section:

At first, I didn't need a sage to advise me to obey the laws of nature
I sung a song for labor, bogged down in my hyperbolic chamber
I tried seeing eye-to-eye with a relentlessly reproducing throng of neighbors
Promenades blurred, as dishonest, dissolvent vapors became auditor & arbitrator
^^This section brought forth some epic word usage and this shows two things in my opinion. a) You're educated and know what you're talking about, and b) you can manage your flow and syllable count VERY well. Not an easy skill so props.

This piece is a quality piece of work that I think is being avoided by others because its a little intimidating in terms of content and length, but it's a very good read. Props.

Cimmerian 12-07-2013 08:01 PM

There's some cool wordplay embedded within. It came off as an abstract piece that was somewhat stream of conscious in the vein of Aesop Rock. If there was to be some coherency to the piece as a whole, it was a little too heady for me to pick up on one read.

I particularly enjoyed this:

"Take for instance this line: "Be a workhorse or get trampled. Stay stable."
If it behooves you, pick a gal up and make her breast jangle"

Keep doing.

Cimm

Vulgar 12-13-2013 11:09 PM

last

big baby 12-13-2013 11:29 PM

keep doing you.

Bodey 12-15-2013 01:47 AM

i facebooked you for the feed on this

absolutely amaze balls

PancakeBrah 12-15-2013 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vulgar (Post 223304)
Split, I remember, lemme see those barz.

half and half lol/im just chillin bro, right. he said 'barz' to seem relatable but he knows he'll prob do better than yours if he gives a care enough to try. it was cute. saying barz.

Vulgar 12-15-2013 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah (Post 228282)
half and half lol/im just chillin bro, right. he said 'barz' to seem relatable but he knows he'll prob do better than yours if he gives a care enough to try. it was cute. saying barz.

http://blogs.e-rockford.com/applesau...imir_putin.jpg

NYCSPITZ 12-15-2013 02:08 AM

putin has a sexy walk according to utube clip of him vs g bush comparing body language

v u r my lord and shep

where did u go when u were in nyc central park stat lib and ground 0?

times sq? all that tourist shit?

PancakeBrah 12-15-2013 02:08 AM

lol nyc boards so hard.

Vulgar 12-15-2013 02:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYCSPITZ (Post 228296)
putin has a sexy walk according to utube clip of him vs g bush comparing body language

v u r my lord and shep

where did u go when u were in nyc central park stat lib and ground 0?

times sq? all that tourist shit?

Queens, Bronx and yeah statues and stuff

NYCSPITZ 12-15-2013 02:14 AM

lol u were in my borough nigga and we didn't hang i won't let that pass a second time my nigga we coulda bar hopped and subdued wenches...

Angkor 12-16-2013 03:13 AM

Jesus...

(proper feed will come soon)

Vulgar 12-23-2013 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vulgar (Post 227573)
last


Figgly Wiggly 12-24-2013 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vulgar (Post 234718)
last


Certain 12-24-2013 12:50 AM

Quote:

In quiet thought, he made headwind on a camel to the sounds of his brethren's chants
Each night he dreamt of the torrid desert sands,
and a swarm of locusts that formed a helping hand
Some honeycombs are made of hexagrams - onlookers admire its odd beauty
There's a difference between staying alert and being an ant in a food cabinet on guard duty
I've seen wraiths of men guzzle freeze-dried karma from an enemy's spine
The "Do It Yourself" ideology seems to breed poignancy through a century's time
but even the leaf hoisting insect might prefer an assembly line
Vulgar spent all season trying out different methods of storytelling, but when he finally got his title shot, he returned to his most comfortable and most dominant form. Here he dissects man's true independence in the mold of Aesop Rock, thick with metaphors while using anecdotes and allegories to come to a conclusion. This verse wins the prize for the densest of the season, loaded with important thoughts conveyed with eloquence and wit. He even cut down on the absurd references to make this verse slightly more digestable. PancakeBrah no-showed.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:09 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.