Netcees - .:: Desperation ::.

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- - .:: Desperation ::. (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=31241)

.:: Desperation ::.

Desperation

When he wrote songs she got lost in the melodies,
he played with her senses channeling creative energies.
The tunes would guide her to a world void of things,
it'd conquer her soul as if it was attached to strings.
They got connected through this common passion,
but the absence from eachother craved an reaction.
Their souls intertwined and created an unbreakable bond,
it's amphetamines strong; when she sings heaven respond.
But eternal paradise is such a mythical place,
once reality hit the universe seemed to be out of space.
And the love that they had suddenly craved for a change,
and the opposite person came off as morbid and strange.
As they drifted apart they tried holding on to a sinking ship,
hands secured putting zippers to shame, but it's all just a trip.
When their lips touched it sealed shut so lies could be freed,
a bit much for ripped love, but it's what both of them need.
Afterall... It's just emotional greed.

But nothing...
nothing in the world could hide...
the monster that grew inside - of them -
as it inhaled spite instead of oxygen.
Loud arguements broke the room into shambles,
countless fights turned everyday convos to dadaistic rambles.
Smoke clears from burnt out candles, they overlooked and refused it.
The only thing they have in common ... is music.

Their differences ripped her soul apart & she holds a piece of his heart from afar,
now she only shows her physical presence when he plays the guitar.
You can sense her aura as the instrument get obsessed by her spirit,
and each beautiful chord is sure to reach the guys ultimate limit.
It's his way of being intimate ... how much pain can he take?
And what happens with her being when the connection finally breaks?

http://i43.tinypic.com/309mq1u.jpg

No-one got anything to say about this?

i got you objective. thanks for the legit feed on my shit. i guarantee if ur a fan of my regular style u will like my boss linguist one alot better, go peep it.

aight so yeah i clicked this long ago, saw the picture, skimmed the verse then instantly closed it.. i just could not be bothered to give a shit about other peoples relationships or lovey dovey shit on the internet... u know? the sole reason i am attempting to give u any sort of feed now is cause i respect ur feed on my other piece and i want u to check my newest one. for ME, i would just never read anything like this, like i said. its just too much poetry... that aint why im on this site. im all about the rap and the flow and the scheming and the wordplay and syllable shitting. CLEARLY I am NOT your target audience for something like this... all i can say is i did give it 2nd chance, and i read it fully keeping the picture in mind. all i kept thinking was ur rhyming wasn't really up to par compared to what im sure i've read out of u in the past.. u just had SUCH basic schemes that i also found this to be really boring, much like u found mine to be. hopefully u can get some better feed than this from some of the poetry heads here but yeah sorry bro, just not feeling this, my own taste though. if i were to like anything like this content wise, the word usage, syllable rhyming, and scheming would have to be FAR above average to hold my attention. this piece did not have that. like i say check my other one if u can, thx

UP

Quote:

Originally Posted by CopyPat (Post 205724)

if i were to like anything like this content wise, the word usage, syllable rhyming, and scheming would have to be FAR above average to hold my attention.

This is going to be my new challenge then, write something topicalistic/poetry-ish, but still hold your attention. When I think I've managed to write something like that I'll mention you if you're cool w/that? Thanks for checking it out and dropping some feed, I'll check out your piece after an episode of Dexter.

yeah buddy

you're way behind on Dexter bro.. haha
Homeland is the sickest show right now