"Mommy, I'm okay,
 

"Mommy, I'm okay,

"SANDY HOOK"

Seagulls swarmed sandra as she threw bread in the air - without a care in the world.
the hyper birds swirled above her head in a beautiful frenzy that spun her dizzy into an embarrassing url
her parents observe from chairs in the turf:
Swearing a blur;
Prepared to go get her;
Pale, with concern
..
As Sandra hurls bread, into the mouths, of the flock she orchestrates into perilous turns.
Seagull droppings; splatter her face - everywhere in her curls.
.
The mother covers the sun with her hand and stares til it burns
The wave’s wear and tear on the earth – as tides draw closer to her feet – Sandra fearlessly whirls.
The ocean is ,still, with, danger ,lurking beneath a transparency surge;
Sandra twirls oblivious to her parents now blaring words towards a scarier surf...
..
..
...
The mothers voice can be heard, in the seashells of aquarium urns
The seagulls flapped their wings, as your parents worst nightmares unfurl.
Sandra - hearing impaired, her mothers clarity stern,
her conchlears eroded from the sea salt and bird shit that went through her hair and churned her ear to a mur..
mur..
......................
lifeguards hurry off their chairs; firing flares - in spurs.
helicopter hovers, above, the seagulls, above Sandra, flailing - submerged.
the volley balls are impaled from the berserk
Shriek of the parents, yelling -
After they apparently learned the welfare of their child for quarter square miles - bewaring alerts -

...Sandra’s.. somewhere.. in the surf…


Battling a 1000 pound Sand tiger shark......


………her sandals emerge.
..
....
The underwater ruckus
chips coral- cracking
shell
fish –
as our
cameras
stir
..
………
(C’mon - share in the search…)

Pretend you’re the parent of this girl.....

Sun burned - red glare of the world…...

The wind knocked out of your sails – you try holding on to the rails of the world -
You bury your head in the lair of the earth.
....
..
Your daughters body rises to the surface, I dare you to turn -
The seagulls hoist her from the watery grave before a school of hammers converge......

.....Earl and Shirl would become ghost white …. as tan as they were……...

Sandra,

Pearl, You deserve this prayer from our church.

Dear Lord, are we etched in stone, or just scratched in the sand of the surf?

Where do we go when we perish from purge?

To the Castles in the air.


Yessir..

Dope shit Frank sad what happened in the league
this was dope with the imagery and emotional points
the flow of the piece was consistent. nice work

i just wanna thank sand for allowing me to portray it the best i could. i got some sand in my balls along the way but it was well worth it. some journey

and to the academy,

I will give proper feed later tonight. I gotta reply to concretes post aswell

12 years since I Registered online rap forum.


Pay homage

Nice work dude.

happy 12 yrs frank! its been a year for me exactly last week sometime.


cool stuff. i'm a fan of your storytelling approach... like most of your stories incorporate supernatural elements or hyperbole or some device like that. its very American folklorey. your characters are always larger than life, but at the same time very down to earth in a motivational sense.

your main character strikes me as a variation of Aryll, your sister from the game WindWaker on GameCube. but less victimized and innocent.

I usually don't think you write your verses with a central theme or moral in mind, but more an observed shade of character or motif that everything revolve around. poetic in. a way.

Like here, you inverted the parental and child roles... usually, it is the parents whose actions and motives seem illogical, unfair, and without worry for the welfare of their children. But your main character is the one absorbed in her own ways, lost in a sense, on the tenacity of life and her duties to stay safe for the sake of her parents. When the seagulls save her from the sharks, it shows childlike inability in her parents to resolve their own conflicts, or deal with the harsh simplicity of living

i like this verse because it characterizes a wide spectrum of relationships in basic terms... the way that being "grown up" is an inaccessible quality that some seem to naturally possess and others struggle with. the superficiality of beauty. the shocking sublimity (in the old fashioned sense of the word) of death. the way the responsibilities of children to stay safe for the sake of their parents is just as deep as the responsibility of parents to stay safe for the well-being of their kids. the complex nature of innocence vs ignorance and why blame and rationalization are so human and flawed.


idk im kinda grasping at straws, because it isnt very clear to me what ur trying to show, but it feels like ur verse wants me to find one thing to frame the supernatural aspect of your story so it makes obvious sense.

that, and your choice of rhyme for the single dominant rhyme scheme were two things i didnt like about this story. looked like there were parts it really dominated and limited what you were trying to do.

also, your "castles in the sky" part was a cool off-branching of the symbolism of sand, but the symbolism of sand and the castles themselves seem non-existent or downplayed everywhere except the end

NOT SAYING THIS WAS AN EXCERPT FROM FRANKS PENTUPIAN TOPICAL VAULTS, SLIGHTLY MODIFIED TO FIT LEAGUE CRITERIA.

just thats how it felt to me completely and totally lolol

still a dope piece and story.
go read the Beat poets' off-kilter stuff.
keep keyin.

Good submission the font is very interesting and similar in style to a typewriter or movie script. Enjoyed all the extraneous details. It would have been nice to see more 'character directions' and maybe some directions on their own rather than incorporated into the narration. Thought the parts describing the action were the highlight rather than the parts where narrator had the internal dialogue going.

12 years and still killing it. Props my g, u kilt this shit

will edit later with more feed

props @Split, which beatz poetz selection you recommend reading? @ZYGote , goodlookin on the feature in the mag, greatly appreciated

Where my people's at????

Fuck ya niggas