The Light
 

I know the light exists
But before I exit…
I might just want to ignite a kiss
The storm is perfect
Is it the same wife I miss?
They say we change
But to forgive develops character
A call may seem strange
I embarrassed her
my flaws caused pain
She circled the calendar
I crossed the line
Cannot hurdle parameters…
The result was time
I wasted much of it
The fault was mine
So I faced the consequence
Regret now assaults the mind
So I disgraced the prominence
Any thought that shined…
Of what was the foundation
Happiness & it’s synonyms
now can consult frustration…
while I’m riddled in
lost perception
What is real?
I sought her mentions
What I feel
Please kiss me good bye
Where are you?
Forgive me don’t cry
Share our views…
From when you said I do
I need you to comprehend the truth
Let me defend why too
Just tell me where are you?
I see the light
but I need to see you first
I can’t see you right
Conceived through blurs
There’s no belief through words
It’s too late for actions
past obsessions poured your blood
The craze & passion…
Absorbed your love
I embraced attraction
Before you left me
Though at fault
Death is empty
I need you baby
The light escapes
Seems too crazy
The night awaits
let me see you before I vanish
please I need you
the force of panic
weak & see through
remorse & anguish
Too late for apologies
I’m not concerned for my soul
The reaper’s hate shows no modesty
leading the path where murderers go
& yet I’m scared
The last thoughts hurts us the most
Life removed from the electric chair

This was cool, had a different vibe due to the short line use
not poetic, just...more..expressional...if that's even a word
regardless I was digging the vibe, emotional for the most part
don't know why you would tag it how you did...dope though

I need you to comprehend the truth
Let me defend why too
Just tell me where are you?
I see the light
but I need to see you first
I can’t see you right
Conceived through blurs
There’s no belief through words
It’s too late for actions
past obsessions poured your blood
The craze & passion…
Absorbed your love
^^^dope

Just tell me where are you?
I see the light
but I need to see you first
I can’t see you right
Conceived through blurs
There’s no belief through words
It’s too late for actions
past obsessions poured your blood
The craze & passion…
Absorbed your love
I embraced attraction

^^that was dope. didn't really like the format but that just my opinion. anyways nice to see you drop in the OM. peace

I like that you explore a wide variety of writing styles and topics. Most writers tend to find one thing that works and stick with it. I wasn't crazy about this one, though. This was very generic, without any specificity to contextualize the relationship or provide emotional stakes for the reader. The desperation of the writing was there, so I don't want to say it was distant. But the ambiguity of everything made me feel removed because I didn't know what had happened. Some would say that's a sign of universality. I just don't like universal writing, at least not on a subject this personal (even if it's not personal to you). You also seemed a bit too regimented at times within your rhyme scheme. You added a few syllables to balance it out here and there, and those often were the best lines. I really liked "She circled the calendar/ I crossed the line" and "let me see you before I vanish."

Topic is a bit ... sensitive? For me I guess. But the flow due to shortened lines was differennt, and I would think rhyming would be more difficult considering the bars are condensced but you did your thing. Overall a solid verse with a very smooth readsprinkled with quit a bit of emotion. Nice drop

Drop some feed.

This was laughably bad btw

I already fed u can close it

I'm hof status

Better than stuff too

I read this like a drake verse.
def passion in this piece.

my favorite lines were

I see the light
but I need to see you first
I can’t see you right
Conceived through blurs
There’s no belief through words
It’s too late for actions
past obsessions poured your blood
The craze & passion…
Absorbed your love
I embraced attraction



good shit son.

every line o mine was like a rhyme,
i wouldn't lie i swear,
sparkling the whole time as i whispered in her ear >