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-   -   Focus on me and you'll see me three times (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=2266)

Darth Yoda 01-30-2013 11:38 PM

Focus on me and you'll see me three times
 
I’m a egocentric dilemma. In a geometric enigma
90° bazooka philanthrophy. In the betweens of this Bermuda reality.
Still in rhythm, I’ll still peel the edges. My stigma
Is like when windshield wipers…. don’t collide.
That triangular dry spot. Five caliber. Bonafide.
Nine angels. A nice massacre, shylocks.
The Dali Lama. Drawing a dolly :rolleyes: for this sly Salvador, cyclops.
Let me tell you something about Dalí’ Salvador wide-eyed shots,
he just thought of me of every picture and was “oh ..my ..god
Don’t tell me you regular writers don’t feel the cyan lasers emerge
Weave through fiber of the molecular vaporous surge
Surrender your cute metaphors. Before this Virus metamorphs
Into a type of messenger that infuses right at room temperature
He’s not joking. The type of doctrine that I’m shooting
Is uncommon to all humans.
You’ll get stomped on, while I’m looting
A pair of Doc Martens, Karma Sutra. It’s the double enténdre
I’m Darth, Luke…I’m THE Godfather, you’re all stupid.
Just stop talking. I’ll Hadouken. I’m Mahatmas and Dhalsim with this music
In the Bahamas..filling these mundane war-zones. Villainies untamed, moreso ..
A missile feast of single-streams for these bloodstained wardrobes
Participation in the precipitation is ludicrous.
Thugs Mansion. Gauge cocked
Who the heck loves dancing in these rain drops.
The bloods dancing in the brain glops. It’s human flesh.
I’m off the token. Game over. Try negotiating with this terrorist
Agent Orange. Any motion made when initiating Hiroshima
Is the initial step, and it’s vacant when the treble lifts
Off the Nickle Niña. I’m calm. Puffing cigars is such a cliché
In a month, it’s enough. I’m sick with no Münchausen’s leeway
Even if you were a Hulk mountain with heat rays.
When I hum? You’d get stuck in a dream maze.

voidformula 01-30-2013 11:53 PM

Loved this line;

Surrender your cute metaphors. Before this Virus metamorphs

I liked how you used a lot of references in your piece. All I can really say is maybe try sticking to a subject or story and going from there but I understand this is a flex piece so next time.

Split 01-31-2013 12:11 AM

I’m off the token. Game over. Try negotiating with this terrorist
Agent Orange. Any motion made when initiating Hiroshima
Is the initial step, and it’s vacant when the treble lifts

I liked that part a lot.... some of the rhyming was way too slanty for my taste but the ideas you had were fresh, and so was your approach. i dig it. welcome to AOB

Plot 01-31-2013 12:23 AM

Ay yeah, hey Darth, I used to feed heaps of your shit on RF....
This drop was pretty ill.
Really liked the windwipers material.

dead man 02-01-2013 12:14 PM

The Dali Lama. Drawing a dolly for this sly Salvador, cyclops.

yes

I’m Darth, Luke…I’m THE Godfather, you’re all stupid.
Just stop talking. I’ll Hadouken. I’m Mahatmas and Dhalsim with this music

lines like this are where your trademark voice emerges.

i have your metaphive archives bookmarked cause i felt like reading your past stuff in it's entirety. but im saving it for a rainy day.

cool stuff man. maybe bringing your old persona back will spur some new aspect of your personality in writing. but probably not? idk

thanks for the read

1

Darth Yoda 02-07-2013 10:40 PM

thanks


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