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-   -   Quick vent key (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=21732)

Zen 09-30-2013 03:16 PM

Quick vent key
 
I've been in a terrible mood lately. Here's a key summarizing why.

I'm an artist waiting in line and starving,
I don't want the stardom, I just wanna buy an apartment
That's furnished with a furnace and no blown circuits.
I know complaining is worthless
And I appear strange on the surface
But I'm goin insane, I'm nervous
I hope I can find a new brain for purchase....
I never fuckin claimed to be perfect
But shit, look what I became, I deserve this...
I shoulda treated you better but I got sucked in a disease
Called love and was jealous so much that it got tough to breathe...
Fuck your feed this is something for me
Keep it moving bitches there is nothing to see
Except a man who let him self down
And got trumped by a meltdown
And swallowed under a sea of tears
Compounded by weed and beers
And was only relieved through fear.
Now I've set the scene, it's clear
Gentlemen, defeat is near...
No. Fuck it I'm not all to blame.
When I saw this thing was cause to pain
Least I had the fuckin balls to change.
Today's been great, and tomorrow's the same.

Bitch.

Mr. J 09-30-2013 03:23 PM

Pretty dope for a key my friend. the vibe was...how do I say
vengeful. quite the vibe I get from being set back or overlooked
but with time all things fall into place. making the built up feelings more...worth it
nice drop my dude if I could quote I would. keep writing

Bodey 09-30-2013 11:24 PM

i dug this only cuz you can feel the emotion in it, and the hopelessness that eventually becomes confidence that you'll get through it. also, it's relatable. so thank you

Zen 10-01-2013 07:23 AM

Thanks for the feed. I'll return feed just pm me a link

Just Write 10-01-2013 09:47 AM

Lol I liked this. I could feel the parts where you were letting off steam. Good emotion in there. This are my favorite iind of drops. The ones that cut out all the rhyme schemes, concepts ect and just concentrate on feelings. Tapping into that is what I think makes you a great writer vs. A ok writer. Good shit mayne.

If you get a chance, this one got burried deep, quick

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=20832

Sho Money EMG 10-02-2013 09:17 PM

Not bad cool quick little key here. Stayed on topic and kept it interesting. A bit basic in some parts but was made up with the content. I enjoyed this read, good flow, relative topic and good structure. Here's what I liked the most..

I know complaining is worthless
And I appear strange on the surface
But I'm goin insane, I'm nervous
I hope I can find a new brain for purchase....
I never fuckin claimed to be perfect
But shit, look what I became, I deserve this...

^^ was feeling this, good emotion here.

Also

And swallowed under a sea of tears
Compounded by weed and beers
And was only relieved through fear.
Now I've set the scene, it's clear
Gentlemen, defeat is near...
No. Fuck it I'm not all to blame.
When I saw this thing was cause to pain

^^ dope shit. Again, good emotion and kept the piece interesting to continue reading. Good work, keep dropping.

Mike Wrecka 10-02-2013 10:25 PM

read it. liked it. the zenmaster is back


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