Devil in the detail
 

Love's best a past tense romance. Remember that.
Any ember fanned expands dreadfully; potential to entrance;

Damned.

A collapse as elegant as ever, scrap the leavening,
enhancing reverie like youth face against a window pane.
Vindicate your instincts. Stay in sync with the cyclic trite-ness.
Her shimmering vibrance. Its guidance reaching at horizons.
(we'll sail to no avail). Such is life, a visceral vice grip.
Siphon substance from the Midas touch to ink wells.
Write a phrase. Scrap it, there's a devil in the details.
Better yet, split the hands webbings with epistles edge,
spread the fingers open, let them peel down the wrist in red.
Never bring her hell until it settles back to embers men.
repeat

Ive fed plenty, but with that said, I will gladly return the favor

the more abstract approach give this a poetic vibe. had a very distinct flow to it.. too short IMO I would've liked to see this developed more to get a better sense of the images displayed before us. never-the-less I am enjoying trying to decipher this piece. I've read it 3x so far I'm sure i will read it a few more times b4 this post is actually posted. thank you for your contribution good sir

This was a pretty dope piece. Almost made
assumptions about the intent a few lines in, but it grew
on me and brought a life of its own. Great work. I look forward to more.

Pretty dope fig. I don't think your very rusty at all lol. Very poetic shit here and almost has a surreal feeling to it. I didn't find any quotes that stuck in my mind but they were consistent and flew together perfect. Nice piece here fig

I had the start of my feed worded perfectly then erased it. :-( I'll try to recreate.

First impression; I really liked the title before I read the piece. By dropping the 's' on that turn of phrase you made it your own and gave the reader a preconception on the voice and angle of the piece. Strong titling.

"Love's best a past tense romance. Remember that.
Any ember fanned expands dreadfully; potential to entrance;"

I didn't like the first line. The wording was off to me. There are two options to look at in critiquing this first line; taking the grammar as it's true meaning and having redundancy trying to pass as meaning (love's best/past tense romance) or having the line add a 'as' before the 'a' and still not being all too effective. The first thought in the second line, though, is a great metaphor. It's physically true and sentimentally correct with extremely crisp and concise wording that cuts to the truth. I almost wish you had reworded this couplet around that ('Any ember fanned expands dreadfully' if I'm not clear) and focused the rhyme and sentiment around it. You technically did, but the first line was off to me. 'Potential to entrance' makes sense in keeping with the 'dreadfully' thought but it's just there to continue an already well made thought and complete the rhyme.

"Damn."

It seems like a weird thing to like, but I did enjoy this. Good use of transition, space, and tonality.

"A collapse as elegant as ever, scrap the leavening,
enhancing reverie like youth face against a window pane."

I liked this.

-pre ninja edit

I re-read this piece a couple times. I'm horrible at gleaning meaning from pieces, especially something abstract like this. I usually assume the mundane. I initially thought this was another relationship reflection, dour and all. But the more I read this the more it read as a reflection on writing and maybe even text specifically. And your style, at least in this piece, was far from 'standard' text format. The lines of (we'll sail to no avail), midas and ink wells, and epistles bring me to this conclusion. I could be 100% wrong. But then again, this was the meaning I took from the writing so to me it's correct. This can't be broken down in usual terms; the writing was very fluid and almost not-give-a-fuck in terms of the norm. I though the wording and vocabulary was precise and necessary and I loved the ending.

Love's best a past tense romance. Remember that.
Any ember fanned expands dreadfully; potential to entrance;

>Okay, I get the general message of this opener.. the second line was super weird for me. Dreadfully+ember+entrance used together like that seems stilted. It comes across as an over-complication without rhyming particularly well

A collapse as elegant as ever, scrap the leavening,
enhancing reverie like youth face against a window pane.

>Leavening? like margarine? also. not very clear how we're supposed to be reading this because of your bougie sentence structure. Is "enhancing" supoosed to be "enchanting"?

Vindicate your instincts. Stay in sync with the cyclic trite-ness.
Her shimmering vibrance. Its guidance reaching at horizons.

>this flowed better, but could've been broken up w/ commas cause its all a connected thought

(we'll sail to no avail). Such is life, a visceral vice grip.
Siphon substance from the Midas touch to ink wells.
Write a phrase. Scrap it, there's a devil in the details,
Better yet, split the hands webbings with epistles edge,
spread the fingers open, let them peel down the wrist in red.
Never bring her hell until it settles back to embers men.
repeat


>strong ending, especially bolded parts. lol wtf webbing? groce.


Cool piece... very heavy in symbolism and figurative language (I get the username now). But instead of being the apple that falls on Newton's head, Fig, it seems you dropped a dozen bushels on his dome and given him a Granny Smith tomb.

I mean, that's not to say I didn't get anything from this... it was just mad abstract and complex and there were a lotta places where I read a phrase and was like "thats straight up nonsense" and kept reading. If I had given this a 1 look-over idk if i wouldve left feed.

Sidenote on rhyming/ schemes... it looked like you were using exclusively phrases and language that could be easily rhymed, so you wouldn't get stranded... I'd just say don't worry about it that much. You can always go back and reword something or cut/ rearrange sections that feel weird. As long as they all make sense in context ur straight.

If you stick to a consistent cadence you can always link shit with consonance or whatever and it sounds just as good as internals/multis, if not better


ON THE POSITIVE SIDE

You have a shit-ton of vocab at your disposal, and you know how to use it and when to use it. Like, looking back "leavening" was used perfectly and so was the whole ink well/ epistle/ Midas touch/ visceral vice-grip chain of concepts.

Strong imagery, and sensory connections

It seems to me this was about conflicting perspectives, with your insight on it superimposed...

Like, you talk about cyclic-triteness. 'her shimmering vibrance'. The guidance of horizons. sailing without achieving anything.
Beauty is something to be admired and pursued, but is really fickle/ hard to have a relationship with.... and life is repetitive and boring when you're doing anything for a long time. So where do you draw the lines between actual beauty and man's glorification of whatever's available? Is it worth undertaking such a grand voyage when your destination is a constant mirage?

Your bit with the writing imagery and your placement of "the devil's in the details" harkens back to the idea of 'an ember fanned grows dreadfully' like the smallest bullet point can consume your existence, and give new life to something that has long simmered past. Man's desire for clarity, closure, definition.

This idea is melted down to something essentially human, both in the 'peeled down your wrist in red', and in the flip on your opener 'never bring her hell befor.. .embers' like misery loves company, and brings perspective back in again by being the negative version of the opening.


idk how to connect things more or less than that. but ive gotten to the point where. ithink i understand it, so im done lol.



youve got potential for sure. But you leave too much work for your readers. It was decent

I love reading pieces that allow me to interpret my own meaning or at least try and enter the writers head to allow to enter a certain thought process

I love the beginning and ending ... like most have probably said first take is always more of a spiteful deep relationship piece ( but relationship could be with anything... but why I love these types as their truly is devil in the detail because you can take it for what you want to take it for ... the first line tells you what you need to know, you can love anything and that love can burn out but that ever burning internal ember will always have enough glow and with oxygen can open up the gates of hell ( my take )

I think you have a love for written and for good reason ... I like when people make me think a bit ... I still get this as more of an idle hands are the devils playground type feel with a multitude of meaning


First piece I've read from you fig and ill def read some more

Taking my final bump for the road

again, I will rtf, and it will be good feed, not just "dope..."

promise

I've been sitting on this for a while because it's a tough piece to fully grasp.

I really liked what you did with bits of assonance here. The long vowels over and over again set a tone. I understand what you were going for, meaning-wise, but the wording wasn't as crisp as it could have been, and the metaphorical imagery felt a bit one-off on the "ember" line. You never went back to it, so it because it's own thing, a half-life image that had the potential to be more.

This part also had some cool sounds and good words. "Leavening" and "reverie" were nice slant-rhymes. But your two end rhymes didn't work as well. And again, the wording was a bit off, particularly "like youth face against a window pane." There are a few really strong beginnings to metaphors that never come full circle.

Here's where the verse felt most focused on writing. Suddenly she became the words. But you missed the opportunity to draw the connection stronger by dropping the feminine wording. "Write a phrase. Scrap it, there's a devil in the details" is the best line of the verse.

I didn't like this finish because it felt disconnected from the five lines quoted above. Again, you ditched the female imagery for a bit, wrote the strongest section of the verse and came back to the female imagery to close it. But at this point, it didn't make sense any more. Also, I'm not sure what "embers men" means.

This verse was interesting but sort of all over the place, which itself is interesting because it's so short. I like the attempt to go deeper, but streamlining abstractions (as paradoxical and oxymoronic as that sounds) is important in writing coherently.

ITT people masturbate with feed

Uh uh u uh uh uh uh uh

This was good for how short it was
I'm enjoying the new approach as well
the abstract potency is smooth my dude
Ill read more into it and add more to this
just know you need to keep it up