ATT Semi-Finals: Dominate vs Etherwave - OPEN FOR VOTES!!!!
 

Heard! this topic lit I can feel it already.

G/l Ether

Good luck to you as well!

Headless Verse Man

I sat on the bed, stats in my head, like how I purchased the table but was always last to get fed.
Anti climatic, this erratic unrest. Oh! Life has been a disaster at best.
When I needed comfort from my wife and my kids, they ended up laughing instead.
Sometimes I lay awake wishing all those bastards were dead. Dreaming of peaceful days where they were buried in the back of the shed.
I married Cherry despite what they said, now I'm just mirroring a man who's needs are unmet.

All I'm seeing is red.

I'm sitting on the edge flirting with death.
My insides are curling as I'm being hurled to my depth. They pushed me too far, now it's me against them. I'm alone in this room just this stupid hat on my head. Cat at my feet, all his habits are set.
I can't cry out how I need. Sitting here wanting to scream. Afraid the first sign of weakness and they're all gonna leave.....

My life is up in smoke and I'm starting to choke on my cloak. Blending in with a man I became on a whim. But I never was him.
Yet I forget how my light got so dim. Guess there's no where to hide when all your demons can swim. Cat in my hat I'm sat on the brim. All the rats in the back they'll be last to the mist. There's a crack in my knack to act grim. Can't go back, when the past isn't facts as it is.

I mastered the craft of taking a bath like a pig. Stuck in the mud, stomach stuck to my ribs. Telling lies just to see if anyone will notice my fibs. Thinking about blowing this artistic mind into bits.
I'm crying for help but all they see is a fit.
Something has cursed me, you see how hungry I am.
Something can quench this thirst. I know that it can.

Head in my hands until then. I'm just a headless verse man.

https://i.ibb.co/ys5hrvT/IMG-2391.jpg


He found himself there, in that dim and windowless place
The air as thin and as hazy as the wisps of his memory remained
Shadows shifted and coalesced into rudimentary shapes
And he saw the cat. Fixing him in its penetrative, vigilant gaze.

“Hello, Erwin.”

A Chill.

He pinched himself, expecting to wake
But the room, his confusion, and a sense of misgiving remained
“Is this — am I dead?” He stammered, beginning to shake
“Perhaps,” purred the cat, in its cool and indifferent way
Dread twisted inside him, leaving him cold to the core
“What do you mean, perhaps? I have to know!” he implored
A hint of amusement played behind two lucid, smoldering orbs
“If you’d like to know,” the cat grinned, “it’s simple - open the door.”
“What… What’s out there?” Feeling panic rise in his throat
But all that reflected back at him was the cat’s disquieting gloat
“Perhaps life… Perhaps death... Perhaps it’s neither, or both.”
“I don’t see-“
“Exactly. You’re tantalizingly close.
What’s truth with no observer? What’s real, if never revealed?
Reality takes a backseat til you give perception the wheel.”
The silence stretched between them, heavy and thick as a fog
The doorway seeming to pulse with an eerie, significant aura
Erwin stood up slowly, head still swimming in thought
Then watched his trembling hand as it reached, and twisted the knob

-

Eyes snapping open, he lifted his head from the desk
Saliva left on the textbook where he’d wearily set it to rest
He tried to shake the dream off. Felt its echo nevertheless
Its meaning yet escaping him - he didn’t get it…
Unless…
…
A sudden burst of clarity. He felt the pieces clicking together
This concept a pivotal step towards altering physics forever
In his mind, the discipline’s paradigm. About to shift for the better
Putting pen to pristine paper, he rushed to scribble a letter
A thought experiment paradox. His article’s perfect opener
Quantum mechanics: a new understanding. He signed it, Erwin Schrödinger

OPEN FOR VOTES!!!

Cool battle

Dominates verse was great. There’s not a lot you can do with this topic but you really made it work. The middle section where he was talking to the cat was like a master class in philosophy and I REALLY enjoyed it. It was a bit of a departure from what I’ve read from you in the past , being ever so slightly less complex on the technical side. You kind of went Etherwave style on this tbh. Which people tend to do against her. Which imo is a mistake


Etherwave- this piece was FUN. while also being beautifully written. And it had a good amount of emotion. You almost made me feel bad for that pathetic loser. Almost. But ya I had a smile on my face while I read it and idk how you just slip into writing something like this with no experience. It’s mind blowing really.

Conclusion- at the end of the day both verses were awesome. And at about the same level of complexity of mechanics. So it comes down to the narrative that was told. And I liked both. But for me, I liked what Etherwave did here more.


Vote - Ether

Fun reading from both


Dom isn't a bad verse
not strong enough for the win
Ether verse well written a little more creative compare to Dom

I felt like her verse deeper


vote-Ether

I had Dom winning

Can break it down in the magazine

i don't care that etherwave used my name- ultimately it hurts her piece imo. it's disconnected. secondly- both of those votes are HORRIBLE- not because of who they voted for, but HOW they voted. Sral- i know inactivity is at a high point but you need to include a sticky in these tournaments like a 'HOW TO VOTE ON TOPICALS" and show good votes vs. bad votes, and why it matters.


I wouldn't let some of these people vote- dope girl- she's a retard. the funny thing is- ether lacks character development more than my piece did last round, but she (didn't know you were a she- because i don't know who the fuck you are btw).....also lacks the interesting "phrases" she apparently had in the first round. Also- where I had one line that stretched the "rhythmic cadence" in my last round- ether does this constantly, add in to the fact that multisyllabic rhyming, or even perfect end rhyming isn't her strong suit- I felt this piece was a step BACKWARDS from her first round, which was decent. No hate towards Ether- I was happy she filled in last round because I didn't want a no show. I also thought she used a lot of cliche's without necessarily making them interesting. "flirting with death", i also thought "this stupid hat on my head" was a weird choice...if it's stupid, you wouldn't wear it.

favorite lines few and far between but

I married Cherry despite what they said, now I'm just mirroring a man who's needs are unmet.

All I'm seeing is red.

"cherry/red" I liked that. she put the color in our head in line one, and then exposed it to the light in line two. I thought that was really sharp.



7.3/10



Dom-

I think tDom's entire piece is over heads right now. The ending- I'll start there- it's a thought experiment where something can be alive or dead at the same time, only decided when an action taken. In the case of his specific experiment, it's typically discussed as placing a cat in a box with poisoned food, and you seal the box. The thought behind it is- you put the cat in alive, so it's technically alive because we don't know the cat ate the poisoned food...and it's not dead until you open the box, thus finishing the experiment. But now re-read it (sorry I had to reverse it like you did)....and the cat is doing the experiment on the human in his dream, so dope.

Now back to the regularly scheduled vote-

Second line- I don't like the wording. If people had a problem with me using "me" for the rhyme scheme early (which- i chose for a reason because I was writing it from a child's perspective, and everything in the world revolves around them, I, me...) the section

He found himself there, in that dim and windowless place
The air as thin and as hazy as the wisps of his memory remained

Is even worse because it's a mouthful "the air as thin and as hazy as"....it's not fluid. also- not helped by the imperfect multi end rhyme "windowless place", "memory remained"....it really hurts the opening IMO....the near perfect read imperfect end rhyme and multis will be a theme throughout...however....

The story told is much deeper than ether's who just scratches the surface in a way that I did last round. You have actual dialogue, and internal dialogue.

Shadows shifted and coalesced into rudimentary shapes
And he saw the cat. Fixing him in its penetrative, vigilant gaze.

I liked the description of the way the cat was looking at him.


“Hello, Erwin.”

A Chill.

He pinched himself, expecting to wake
But the room, his confusion, and a sense of misgiving remained
“Is this — am I dead?” He stammered, beginning to shake
“Perhaps,” purred the cat, in its cool and indifferent way
Dread twisted inside him, leaving him cold to the core
“What do you mean, perhaps? I have to know!” he implored

I love this section as the drama starts to build and the lines and rhyme scheme begin to pick up momentum...the multis start building and the end rhyme gets perfect. ...



A hint of amusement played behind two lucid, smoldering orbs
“If you’d like to know,” the cat grinned, “it’s simple - open the door.”
“What… What’s out there?” Feeling panic rise in his throat
But all that reflected back at him was the cat’s disquieting gloat
“Perhaps life… Perhaps death... Perhaps it’s neither, or both.”
“I don’t see-“
“Exactly. You’re tantalizingly close.

this section alone beats etherwave (no hate for real ether- i thought you won last round. I wasn't mad at you getting votes. I was mad at myself for phoning it in).

"thick as a fog"- I thought was unfitting of this verse, minor nitpicking.

A sudden burst of clarity. He felt the pieces clicking together
This concept a pivotal step towards altering physics forever
In his mind, the discipline’s paradigm. About to shift for the better
Putting pen to pristine paper, he rushed to scribble a letter
A thought experiment paradox. His article’s perfect opener
Quantum mechanics: a new understanding. He signed it, Erwin Schrödinger


----

9.3/10

As far as story elements go, this piece is REALLY DOPE.


MVGT Dom. It's one of the best pieces I've read in a long time.

No offense but... what?

Ever. Did you really write a piece about a member? I mean. Been there, done that, but what in the Great Value Baron Mynd are you doing? Lol. The flow was consistent but the scheme was simple. Reminded me of the stuff I was writing in middle school on RB. Straight forward. Not a lot of depth or build up. Basically just writing to write. There wasn't anything here that really stood out to me.

Technically, this was better. I liked it until the last part. I respect the concept but it went from dramatic and intense to "nerd waking up from a dream with a mankind changing idea" real quick lol. One of the reasons I hate these battles only being 32 lines. That's like a beginning and half a middle lol. This was much better than the other three pieces in this round though. Good job.

Vote Dom and I don't understand how this isn't a KO. No offense to his opponent but wtf lol. Not even close.

mvgt Dom

Etherwave
I think overall this did a solid job of touching on both the picture topic and topically something happening in the boards if just for a small grin. I admit, when I saw my topic... the urge to do an entire diss track was strong (and even started along that path), so I feel you.

Best lines:
I mastered the craft of taking a bath like a pig. Stuck in the mud, stomach stuck to my ribs. Telling lies just to see if anyone will notice my fibs. Thinking about blowing this artistic mind into bits.

I honestly think it's dude's hair not a hat lol. Overall, long lines LOOK odd to many of us, but you still maintain a relatively consistent flow and scheme throughout.

this is a solid piece about a dude who feels stuck, who can't be taken seriously by his family, who is struggling with suicidal ideations, and is afraid if he shows weakness the people closest to him will leave, afraid of that eventuality even THOUGH they don't take him seriously and make him feel lesser.

you know I'm mad at the "my life is up in smoke" chunk, dr seuss. definitely some space killing filler, bc you got back into it with the bath like a pig chunk.
it falls off a little, but I still get the premise: his pleas for help are just taken as fits of rage, he's aching desperately for something to fill what feels like a gaping hole in his soul/heart/etc. - and acceptance, that he KNOWS there's something out there that can make him feel better - but until then, he'll just keep feeling down, struggling through.


Dom
Great story, and usage of a relatively common theme I've seen here by the stronger writers - taking a commonly known person/place/thing/blah and wrapping a story around them, teasing at it, and hopefully executing it in a way that the "reveal" feels like a "oh duhhhhh now I need to reread".

I think the best lines were:
Dread twisted inside him, leaving him cold to the core
“What do you mean, perhaps? I have to know!” he implored

smooth flow and clean read.

I don't see the need as much as with your opponent to break this down, as it's clear: Erwin dreams a dream with a (his?) cat and has his epiphany towards the famous schrondingers thought experiment.

it does a great job of capturing the "weirdness" of dreams, and the subconscious's push towards compiling things that it's been thinking about and making them work together - hence the eureka moment while asleep.

there was a lot of smoothness to reading, a fewwwww bumpy parts but nothing that horribly distracted. overall a clean piece as expected.

also great usage of exactly the line count - something I need to do xD

4-2 DOM ADVANCES!

(Closing to get votes on MMLP vs Sym)