XI WK V: brokenhal0 (2-2) vs. Universe (4-0) (UNIVERSE WINS)
 

VERSES: Monday, January, 16th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 24 Hour Ext: Mod/Opponent Discretion

VOTES: Wednesday, January 18th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 3 Vote Requirement Enforced/Penalty

MAXIMUM: 64 Lines: 100 IF AGREED UPON!


TOPIC:

Rope-a-Dope

"The same hand that can write a beautiful poem, can knock you out with one punch - that's Poetic Justice." - 'Irish' Wayne Kelly

......

I need to show you me... Beyond the event things got to connect
My team is constantly stressed, no wonder I'm taut when I stretch
Pressure's awfully intense, you'll never run me like vets
But if you get a leg up on me you better duck when you step
Over/under like bets, I set things straight near the end
My appearance blends, yet I never break and rarely bend
You can cut the tension with a knife, I get bound and tied
Found if I'm on display I'm spaced out when crowds arrive (what am I?)
Confining actual torture while you trapped in my quarters
May want to latch on before yours truly snaps on the corners
When warriors shook up the world, I become a rattled informer
Reacting to forces exactly proportioned and acting as borders
Stretching myself thin for what? I'm a passive absorbent
That's regulated by the athletic commission of California
I'm made for impact, wait-class... I feel that 'lessens' towards me
Tell your nonsensical story, I've already checked out I'm sorry...
For weeks I'm buried in storage yet pre-paired to four-fit
To force slips you need everything in your head geared toward it
I cling to medal performances on a fairly small standard ring
Everything they bring to the mat parried like Chandler Bing (zing)
The rest just seem like cut men... flesh is shredded deep
Supplant referees, in the event they don't wanna mess with me...
Stay centered... We support you when you see stars on your feet
Highly regarded, committed to hold ups like armed robberies
Around my team your breadbasket gets ground to meat
Sounds to me like I should use it to establish some boundaries
Receive 'bounce checks' like salaries; Are you gassed or loose now?
They're not even passing ya Stools down after a few rounds...
With these kickbacks you shouldn't need an allowance pal
But I'll still help you get on your feet if you're down and out
It's a bout, focus... My ring's truly the one prize you earn
Yet crowds can only see through me if the lines are blurred
Some girl on the apron flashed her numbers... That slut is a pro
You'd see me on cable if I hadn't got so wrapped up with the hose...
You turn buckled; Bookend the chrome, crooked, exposed
When you throw a hook to an' fro I can cushion the blow
Nothing corrodes, under appeal I'm mostly covered in steel
So these dust ups reveal that we know ring rust is for real
I'm high-strung from the feel of it and utterly stranded
I've painted many pictures while never quite brushing the canvass
Had a run in the amateurs, being black and blue isn't odd
Truly involved, you'll never even touch me if I'm doing my job
Loosen the knots; When push comes to shove the fighters move on
Violent knockdown, the only lines that you cross are mine when you lost
All eyes on me, I'm above floor seats with mediocre views
Which people choose; It proves everyone came to see me over you...
Every loss is by DQ - Our topic is FOLLOW THE RULES
Bet your error converts to the Squared Circle like oxygen molecules (o2)
I may offer you protection covered in a rubbery long case
But I'm not safe, I can still burn you if you rub me the wrong way
In newer stadiums I sell for dollars few can pay
Draped in red, white & blue but I'm well beyond you, essay...
Walk through me and roll with the punches - I have the power to sway
A straight bob and weave to a counter, funny that's how I was made...
Got wear and tear from upper-cuts, some came but seam a-frayed
From the nose bleeds, God knows blood sprayed on me at length
Laughed at black and grey pay-per-views, now they're classics they savor
Those jabs can make pay dirt like old fashioned haymakers
Got shipped to Kinshasa first class for a full-on attack
Talked to that Muhammad/Cassius chap and told him I got his back...
Aw snap, that's a meta Foreman... Not a single blow shook me
If you got this down pat it's cuz you stole from your own bookie
Every week is 'Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda', what now? Oh looky...
When I say you force "I'd's", that's just where your posts took me (4 sides)
Whoa... Tightening the gap between us is just sew pussy
Right cross the face, leave me hanging by a thread but won't hook me
I can't lie about the times this Universal clone pushed me

I need to show you me...

Hopefully you just Learned the Ropes, rookie.

Wait, what?

It's one hundred? I'm not done then - The betting line is in
I submit! I'm supposed to take a dive amidst round five or six
Titles give a heightened sense of accomplishment like minor winds
That's why I can write in this environment and not even try to win
My advice to this hybrid mix of Cereal, Sinacog and that Bayou bitch...
Is without rhymes equipped take off and go fly a kite...

He did.

He'll survive a scrimmage on an island shipwrecked, I'm convinced
I might mention my prescription of vicodin just to tie it in
On a whim... just like him... It's water under the highest bridge
Like an asylum list I let you in on more than I admit
But I'm committed; I just wonder if this defines the gimmick
Vote brokenhal0! I hope the judges make the right decision...
Boxing or wrestling I supply a victory I can script
Hate to bring bias in but this guy's condemned by a sin
That's science fiction; His type will kick out from the tightest pin
The frail embodiment of the saying, 'If you fail then try again'
Down for counts of 9 and 10, my rights to chins are violent hits
Irony is he started to rise and lift above this fire pit
Just my luck I liked the kid... I knew this fight was fixed
With one righteous fist I broke his halo...

Sorry dude I tried to miss...

Shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9OOrF9MrmE

''BOXING DAY''

http://media2.giphy.com/media/C1aCny...giphy.gif&ct=g

I'm gonna get you, Leroy, because I am the Shogun! I will not rest until everybody knows the Shogun is the master! - Sho'nuff - The Last Dragon 1985


A prospect with promising power demolishing opponents
doing road work dreaming of paparazzi taking pictures as he poses
high light reels knockout of the night earned him a six figure bonus
he put in work with his life loving his wife to pay the price
writing the wrongs of show biz
but nobody ever noticed so he fought day and night just to focus.

The top pick at the betting table a promoters wet dream
see the difference between us
is champions with delusions are convinced of their conclusions
while the whole world disagrees
he was a good looking brawler who sold out major markets overseas
signing his soul over to the devil
wasn't worth extra commas in his salaries
now he's shadowboxing with shadows the pact won't let em leave
as the left hooks connect his head will weave
everything oppose to him will fall a legend leaves
the ledge is steep.

Disappearing for no alleged reason no pinpoints or progressive leads
I step and lead counter your offense off balance
how can you counter with spaghetti knees you can barely breathe
some men need to tell the world there the best indeed
I let my hands talk no referees.

Chin check a universe let em sleep
hitting heavy bags every hour till my knuckles bleed
his gloves still hang on the walls of Ceaser's palace
blood stained memories
crowds in Madison square garden
cheer once the speakers play his entrance theme
his legend leads the next pugilist MC to the tree of knowledge
in the last round will you have the willpower
to defeat the casual man carrying clay up the ivory towers.

Cutting angles at a speed you couldn't perceive to follow
a netcee's emcee I swing slobber knockers at this snot nose
confronting a cellmate who was a thief like a sneak
I knocked him off his feet when he got close
his cardio was suspect body shots
made my opponents look like they had scoliosis
questioning his own strategy like universes sexuality
masochist mentality the type of man who mashed his fist
into his own handsome face to spite thee analogy.

Dear I say broken are those who are cursed
to wear the halo back in the day
back in the day when Halo was broke he knocked out Cassius Clay
the loss caused Cassius Clay to change his name
A secret his training camp will take to the grave
to this day his were bouts remain unknown
his jab set the pace while his straight right changed the tone
as it break some bones the audience cringed
when they heard a humans ribs break at home
it reminded me of that time our universe was a vacant zone
until it decided to separate creating a opposite side to make its own
no contest when whipping worshipers of false idols the title chose me.

Southpaws that are stinging like bees eating butterfly wings
while it drinks nectar from a rose that will revive at spring
It's a art of mine to get disqualified when I start to rhyme
universe ask yourself if your any better then me
why you gassed yourself,I didn't throw a punch,you beat your ass yourself
I set the trap human chess match check mate breaking your best tape
when I spar with rhymes with a weak jab im park-in-son
heartless how im beating on this Mohamed Ali like father time.

This boxer seen it all from amateur ranks to titles for top belts
strategic skills gathered
from backyard battles bent at bar fights pelted with bottles of top shelf.

Stamina from all the damage I delt how many watch rather then help
I stay getting disqualified ..why?!...cheap shots below the belt
my skills where timeless in a crooked sport the Jux reminds us
of David versus Goliath this confused midget's brawling with giants
his work is on display in the queens hall of science
statues of him bare knuckle battling lions
gladiators have died in this pantheon
while universe is showing up at the weigh in
with his girlfriends panty's on
Im in your local boxing gym beating on pro's
while smoking unfiltered camels.

Lungs are like a cheetah that can run in snow
running slow,take a free shot my chin is made of fucking stone
A kink in your armor what a joke
I hope your wearing high waters cause im bout to cut the rope
in the barrio sparring with the warlords cutting dope
the fire inside keeping my body defined for the fucking smoke
From Babylon to Boston a immortal character
who throws his hands for humanity
A crowd of 100 million people gathered under the African canopy
fight for the millennium fight for the fallacy's
tonight's going to be a fucking fatality the marquee reads
Muhammad Ali vs some mysterious boxer from another galaxy
(not some gay universe turning it's back to me).

Quote thee analogy or the tall tales of this challenge seek
to crown the last man standing above a boxers greater amalgamy
Ali came out his corner shuffling his feet
throwing jabs faster then before
seeing it coming in slow motion
the mystery man shoulder rolled and slipped them off
a quick counter upper cut to the liver had Ali shit his shorts
the man buckled and hit the floor the silence was deafening
in his head he wished for more
another knockout victory for this no named pugilist the perfect score
speechless Ali's coaches start screaming
the crowd starts a uproar ; locals leaning against the ring ropes
causing them to weaken ; the ring starts shaking
the screws start creaking the squared circle collapsed
trapping a whole bunch of people beneath it
under the African canopy victory is no new knack for me
crowned champion of the galaxy another easy event
please let it make sense don't let the bad man come after me.

One of the mafia hitman puffs his cigar
walking through a sea of millions the sight was bizarre yet brilliant
concealing a loaded .44 that will shoot through children
trying to keep the champ in his sights but he's not quite that tall
the champ runs out the arena sneaking through a broken door
into the night knowing at any moment he could
lose his life for the sake of this fight
another victory creates a tidal wave of sorrow
another legend to X off the list as he cuts weight for the weigh in's tomorrow.

Till the end of Ali's days he would never get over this loss
it was the reason why his hands would shake
tears fall down his jaw I felt safe,collect his tears in a jar
how does it feel knowing a no named man
whooped your ass in Santa Fe
How does it feel knowing that A nobody is the champion
and that champion,Ain't no body but a name
sometimes the greatest rewards can't be claimed
only if the universe had another plan for me
fighting demons while living in your fantasy's
the man you never heard of
was a canned verb in this great boxing camp of ours
he beat them all with a smile on his face
taste of defeat the devilish ties that we break
thank you for your service Mr Ali a purpose no nervous man would take
sincerely yours signing off on the contract a universe with hate.

He dropped Joe Lewis when they sparred in Santa Fe
he was the type of fighter that lathered his face with a steak
then ate the steak raw ; and drank some eggs
he was the type of fighter who fought but never aged
he was the type of fighter who lost but planted thoughts center stage
like fine wine his skills always set the pace
and I heard the sweet science got a scent and taste
spit the blood out your mouth
hold up your hands protect your face for heavens sake.

You can't fake skills even when you try
the mafia offered him 50 thousand to take a dive
he had no place to hide , so he couldn't shake the bribe
the rage inside felt like a thousand reapers raped his pride
another reason why the crime rate is high
that's why some men run away just to stay alive
sometimes you gotta run away instead to stay and die
say goodbye
in the middle of the night he hopped in a cab
let's take a ride
out of state guess he will have to wait for another day to shine
a bookie crumbles the bets you shouldn't fuck with the boss
canceling events lost a 1000 fans waiting in store corruption abhors
he's a fighter so he will fuck you up just for the love of the sport.

And he rather die then throw a fight
so some schmuck could get paid to sniff coke off a dyke
the scum will extort the art form others have taught
he hides a .22 under his sweats for the day will come
when the devil comes to collect
doing so many pushups but it's really a warm heart
that's pumping his chest
he had it all until there was nothing at all
what's there to prove when there's nothings left
knowing the bosses threats don't come with regrets
Im not hiding a real fighter finds it exciting to be fighting till death.

Eye for a eye going out swinging
with the full metal jacket rightfully singing
cause he knows cowards kill out of fear
when the losing team can't handle the winning.

Stuck in a squared circle how can he see outside the box
a universal struggle running out of time before the writing stops
Im Sugar Ray Leonard your Roberto Duran repeating '' Aye! No Mas''
Frank in Universe's corner whispering in his ear
''Sell your soul for the title shot'''

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chiNyErCpAI

universe:
i love the poetry quote super dope..

Stretching myself thin for what? I'm a passive absorbent
That's regulated by the athletic commission of California

dope rhyme ending sound alike is super cool well done..

Tell your nonsensical story, I've already checked out I'm sorry...
For weeks I'm buried in storage yet pre-paired to four-fit
To force slips you need everything in your head geared toward it

dope section pure stanza hot as hell.. loven it.. very good vocab structure wise solid like your style always is..

booo
Everything they bring to the mat parried like Chandler Bing (zing)
horrible line it throws away from the story where it all is personal then it turns it cartoonish too modern and irrelevant to such a dominant diction.. im loven the whole actions of the boxing event description.. the float like a butterfly sub was dope..

I'm high-strung from the feel of it and utterly stranded
thanks for the shout out.. dope piece..

broken:
good match up so far its style for style with the drop of relevant topics.. in the sub plot area.. i like your style better then universes alot more compact with vocab that hits harder with such a tighter flow.. i like the "focus" will smith sub.. i like your description of the character.. the little hint of his muslim belief with the devil drop was nice..

spaghetti knees
nice wordplay of original tongue..

im loven the location drop of Ceaser's palace real nice very colourful.. we have a tree of knowledge at our town hehe.. opponents - scoliosis real real dope.. i love the malcom x drop..
omg what a stanza
of David versus Goliath this confused midget's brawling with giants
his work is on display in the queens hall of science
statues of him bare knuckle battling lions
gladiators have died in this pantheon

i love the parkisons part :)
this is easily the best verse yourve ever done,, well done..

vote = brokenhal0

for a true masterpiece thanks xoxo

XI
 

I’m a boxing fanatic so y’all know this topic is right up my alley yo. Word.

Uni this verse started on some flexing type shit. Which is well rendered under that topic. Loved the first few lines, with the exception. Of “run me like a vet.” As I still don’t know what that means. Boxing is an art of fluidity and you got that in abundance. The Multics were peppered about like jabs, creating rhythm, subverting rhythm, i diggit. The inner rhymings were lomachenko type footworks. Redirecting and misdirecting. And per a Universe work, the concept was very high, Akin to a power punch. I believe the underlining idea here is to use boxing as a microcosm of what we do here, or Vice versa. I always appreciate your effort my man. No matter who u up again, u put in work like Floyd mayweather, allowing yourself to be enshrined with the other greats. While I believe there are still fighters in Netcees Promotions that can still give u a run for your money, you remind me of Errol’s Spence as he rampages through the welterweight division, kicking asses and chewing bubble gum at the same time lol. You talk that shit but you knock them kids. Likewise, I like how you didn’t tackle that gif in a direct way. But used it as a narrative of your overall stay in the Netcees writing squared circle. It was a cool verse man. I can only imagine the catharsis you got from writing it. Good shit cousin.


Broken. Cool. I think the lines were a little too long. Even though this isn’t audio I still read things with an internal metronome and yeah shots mad long. But if it makes u feel any better, my bars this week were longing too. Your writing (in this instance) is akin to an amateur boxer who uses excessive jabs without any end point. And when it finally hits, u be wearing baking mits. Felt deflated. But perhaps ur verse wasn’t about the straight right, or hooks or uppercuts but more so the ring generalship. You reframed the battle from a meta-ish approach of Universe to a straight forward storytelling. And there I spoke too soon. As I ventured further l, I somewhat picked up on the similarities to Uni’s verse.
“ now he's shadowboxing with shadows the pact won't let em leave”
Alluding to the many threats to leave the league, under current management, but that warrior spirit will not allow it. Dope. Later on it was confirmed it was a shot at universe as it was name dropped. Though there were much highlights, there were also lowlights like the whole steak thing lol. What was that? Anyways I rock with this verse and have to agree with Cereal that this may have been your best verse I’ve ever read. Appropriately so seeing who u were up against.

Vote, this was really a tough one. Both took similar approach, an allegory of sort. While one used the topic to muse on his journey, the other used it to deconstruct his opponent. This was as close as can be. But one thing that separated the two pugilists was the techniques. Concept wise both verses were brilliant but technically speaking one writer proved a bit more advance. So with that said I lay my vote down for Universe, who displayed a stronger technical display. This was definitely a Terrance Crawford vs Errol Spence bout. Well done guys. Best battle this week. But I can’t even hate on the results thus far cause Halo came with it.

this is a DQ but uh here's a vote so lordFrankimus doesn't smite anyone.

Universe:
listen I get it's halfway through the verse but it's the first line I saw lol. I'm sorry I don't have useful feed beyond "you're good at what you do" - you wrapped the topic around the opponent craftily.

halo - stop. DQing. yourself. and. then. saying. you. would. have. won. I think your style has drastically.. dramatically... suspiciously improved, so if it's legit and you threw everything you've learned down on this piece, major props. it's sloppy, but I see the effort and I see you. but length isn't everything ayooooo.

vote: universe

Both:

I think the similarities of the verses was cool...including the fact that both mentioned fighters being asked to take a dive. Both also mention Halo's propensity for DQ's...both take shots at the other within a boxing metaphor, both used the squared circle phrase, etc

I think both verses were too long. For the sake of attention spans and not boring the reader... Both are dope writers with some good/great rhymes and phrases...the problem is both verses did not have the high level THROUGHOUT... I can cherrypick dope stanzas or lines...but with verses this long I want my attention HELD with more consistency. Meaning I could also cherrypick a bunch of lackluster stanzas or lines whirh hurt the excitement and distract from the dope parts.
-----------

Universe

I don't hold grudges and am not as butthurt as you think...I judge writings on their merits & not on who wrote it...that being said, let's take a look:

I need to show you me... Beyond the event things got to connect
My team is constantly stressed, no wonder I'm taut when I stretch
Pressure's awfully intense, you'll never run me like vets
But if you get a leg up on me you better duck when you step
Over/under like bets, I set things straight near the end
My appearance blends, yet I never break and rarely bend
You can cut the tension with a knife, I get bound and tied
Found if I'm on display I'm spaced out when crowds arrive (what am I?)
Confining actual torture while you trapped in my quarters
May want to latch on before yours truly snaps on the corners
When warriors shook up the world, I become a rattled informer
Reacting to forces exactly proportioned and acting as borders
Stretching myself thin for what? I'm a passive absorbent
That's regulated by the athletic commission of California

I've quoted the opening 14 lines. It could probably be game over right here if you ended it, tbh. I know 14 is short, especially for you...but this part is TIGHT. Love the scheme and extra rhyming of the final 6 lines of this quoted 14...
Nitpicking but I think a simple "before I snap on the corners" works just as well from a rhythm standpoint as before yours truly snaps on the corners
You went a little fancy. Not a big deal; just an observation.
Last line (14) athletic commison of California is so cool and matter-of-fact... and a good rhyme.

Regarding the "what am I"-- my first guess was honestly the athletic tape that goes on boxers' hands under the gloves!? lol

I've focused on this opener because I think it's the strenght of the piece by far. Vintage "Uni"....and shows why you're one of the best...I'm willing to bet you spent far more time on the beginning part than the rest. Just a guess but a confident guess...

After the opening 14:

This is personal preference but I just DO NOT LIKE corny wordplay. Occasionally (more like rarely) one of yours will get a laugh or 'okay' from me, but for the most part I'm just not a fan. I realize its a part of text culture, so I do try not to "punish" writers for it, unless it's overdone, which you're on the borderline here. I'm not going to quote them all. But, even the sew/so... do we really have to?

Didn't like the Chandler Bing line, or the Oh looky phrase near the end...a bit trite for someone of your status and talent... lol I recall reaching for oh looky one time in a freestyle rhyming with bookie or cookie...but this isn't a freestyle.

So I thought it fell off a bit from lines 15-34, then picks up in a big way from lines 35-48.
I have not quoted 35-48 but thought it was good.

The ending of the stanza was dope I thought.

Right cross the face, leave me hanging by a thread but won't hook me
I can't lie about the times this Universal clone pushed me

I need to show you me...

Hopefully you just Learned the Ropes, rookie.

This saves the "bookie" rhyme I referenced earlier and is a cool section.

It's one hundred? I'm not done then - The betting line is in
I submit! I'm supposed to take a dive amidst round five or six
Titles give a heightened sense of accomplishment like minor winds
That's why I can write in this environment and not even try to win

I also like this section. My heightened sense of multisyllable rhymes leads me to compliment your titles give /heightened sense internal rhymes...
EXCEPT I DISlike the minor winds phrase -- not sure what it means or how they give a heightened sense of accomp...

Overall...like I said GREAT opener...Solid piece overall...that being said, for a Champion with many great verses under his belt (and 4 screenplays or whatever) I still expect a little more. And by more I don't mean more lines...in fact I'd suggest some succinctness! and try to bring the Uni heat throughout the whole verse.

Thanks for your weekly efforts of showing and voting.
------------------------------------------------------------

brokenhal0:
So long... Too long, which you should know by now.

Good opening stanza. But not great.

2nd stanza: even better
see the difference between us
is champions with delusions are convinced of their conclusions
while the whole world disagrees
he was a good looking brawler who sold out major markets overseas
Dope. I appreciate how you CHANGE your rhyme cadences alot...[I will get more in depth on this later]
...everything oppose to him will fall a legend leaves
the ledge is steep.
This closing couplet can be cleaned up by a simple "d" at the end of "oppose" and a semi-colon or slash/ between "fall" and "a legend leaves.
Not holding this minor thing against you - just suggesting what I think is the proper fix.

3rd stanza: Meh, okay. Looked a bit freestylish... (&they're best*not there best)
Closer is dope though:
I let my hands talk no referees.

4th stanza: your best so far I think. very nice
blood stained memories
dope phrase
crowds in Madison square garden
cheer once the speakers play his entrance theme
My personal advice is to make this one line... memories/entrance theme is a dope rhyme so I need them CLOSER. Why would you want any sort of pause or hiccup between "garden" and "cheer"? The crowd is cheering right?.. Then that ear-candy rhyme hits. It's not as sick with the linebreak.
again good closer:
to defeat the casual man carrying clay up the ivory towers.
When sparring with Universe, ivory tower is a great phrase. :-)

5th stanza: To me, average at best, and the rhymes fall off in the second half of the stanza. They don't fall off...I mean they're there lol. Just a little clunky.
&Before that, for the sake of your readers you could put a capital G on "got' so they know to emphasize "GOT close" to rhyme with "snot nose". A true "Big L" two-syllable rhyme cadence which, as I said, I will detail later.

6th stanza: Again thought it was a bit weak compared to some of the others. You repeated back in the day and Cassius Clay 2X. It's a nice rhyme but I think it could be just as effective with 1X each instead of 2X. As this stanza goes on there are a few grammar/spelling issues but more than that it's just not POWERFUL like some of your other stanzas and is hurting the verse.

7th stanza:
Southpaws that are stinging like bees eating butterfly wings
Great imagery and take on the Ali quote
MUCH stronger stanza than the last 2
It's a art of mine to get disqualified when I start to rhyme -lol. but stop being DQ'd please.
universe ask yourself if your any better then me
why you gassed yourself,I didn't throw a punch,you beat your ass yourself
I set the trap human chess match check mate breaking your best tape - again the Big L two syllable quick-rhyme. I like it. Maybe because I'm an audio guy but I liked the style even before I recorded.
heartless how im beating on this Mohamed Ali like father time.
non-rhyming but still a dope closer! The line itself is heartless and effective.

8th stanza:
More of a small bridge... decent
This boxer seen it all from amateur ranks to titles for top belts
strategic skills gathered
from backyard battles bent at bar fights pelted with bottles of top shelf.
boxer's*
I know it's not your style but a couple commas or dashes wouldn't hurt/might improve the flow...just a suggestion not a condemnation. I was thinking one after "all" for sure... and maybe one or two in the last line.
all, from
all - from

9th stanza:
Stamina from all the damage I delt how many watch rather then help
I stay getting disqualified ..why?!...cheap shots below the belt
my skills where timeless in a crooked sport the Jux reminds us
of David versus Goliath this confused midget's brawling with giants
his work is on display in the queens hall of science
statues of him bare knuckle battling lions
gladiators have died in this pantheon
while universe is showing up at the weigh in
with his girlfriends panty's on
Im in your local boxing gym beating on pro's
while smoking unfiltered camels.

where = were, I'm guessing?

Dope...&Stanza of the verse so far...THIS IS WHY WE SHOW UP FOR A UNIVERSE/HALO BATTLE. This is right up there with the quality of Universe's opening lines.
his work is on display in the queens hall of science is dope and, to me, satirical
gladiators have died in this pantheon is a dope phrase and I like just about the whole stanza. Props.

10th stanza: Another good, powerful stanza IMO...THIS BATTLE IS GETTING VERY CLOSE NOW
take a free shot my chin is made of fucking stone
Simple, but great rhyme of confidence...the "fucking" is well-placed and perfect for the impact.

11th stanza: Meh. Okay but not packing the punch of the last two...also repeated a couple rhymes from the previous stanza...(e.g. "galaxy")...not sure about the phrase "challenge seek"
The POSITIVE of this stanza was the storytelling aspect. You inform the readers of what's happening in the ring. The negative, like I said, not as impactful as the previous two stanzas, also a little clunky and not as technically tight.

12th stanza: Average...I don't have much to say on it. It is what it is. The mafia angle is cool. A couple lines that don't rhyme... that's OK except it throws me off when the lines before are so rhymey.

13th stanza: Just seemed average or borderline weak. Not impactful to me. Perhaps you are rushing as you try to end it... Too long, man.

14th stanza: Okay/mehh, kinda trite...Until the end.
and I heard the sweet science got a scent and taste
spit the blood out your mouth
hold up your hands protect your face for heavens sake.
Dope closing. Nice
By now you might guess I'd suggest a semi-colon, comma, dash, or slash after "hands".

15th stanza: Back to quality here...well done. Right up there with stanza #4,7, 9,and 10. I like the content AND the end rhyme.

16th stanza: Average to me, except the opener which I thought was strong despite the minor grammar/spelling issues
And he'd* rather die than* throw a fight

17th stanza: decent bridge to the closer

18th stanza: Nice, strong closer! Right up there with the 5 top quality stanzas I listed before. I like the "sell your soul" aspect, the "no mas" reference, and the sound of the end rhyme in the stanza.

Ok hal0, bottom line...if you cut and paste stanzas #4, 7 9, 10, 15, and 18 you probably WIN this shit for sure.
[Do it on your own wordpad -- see how it looks/ reads/ feels]
Problem is, you had TWELVE other stanzas of (varying) lesser quality...and definitely a couple duds.

VS. Universe's top notch beginning and decent rest-of-the-piece (minus the corny wordplay)

Personal preference is Halo's style and phrasing and change-of-pace rhyming*...which is why it's hard to vote against him.. sigh.. again.
I just can't overlook the TWELVE good/okay/decent/below-average/filler-y stanzas which take away from the 6 GEM stanzas...

Universe wins again, barely, based on the early dopeness and decent CONSISTENCY

But like I said, this is Halo's if he learns how to CUT the fat and keep the dopeness...
-------

Regarding "changing up" rhyme pacing...what I mean by that is injecting a little bit of anarchy to a piece....some lines traditional with an end-multi...
but some lines with quick hitting Big L two-syllables... and the mix of both...or skipping a rhyme line and rhyming later...
I am a fan of most of this if done correctly...meaning if the anarchy of the rhyming SOUNDS good lol.

-Halo, I hope you appreciate that I took the time to break it down.
I have nothing against you...like I said it hurt to vote against you 2X in a row...keep in mind your opponents were two of the best ever Lars & Universe...their technical proficiency shines and their consistency...your "highs" are BETTER than theirs the last 2 weeks...but they had far less "lows". I hope that makes sense. I believe in the previous season and other battles where you weren't facing them you got my vote most of the time on your way to the championship.
-Regarding the minor grammar/spelling - I will point it out, but I don't use it as a grading criteria when judging your verse against others. In the same way I tried to ignore Uni's corny wordplay...
-Regarding my "pauses" or punctuation suggestions... That is just a fellow writer asking you to try something on a few select lines for the purpose of flow, but even moreso "read-ability" for the reader.
I realize you use a non-cap, non-punctuation, skeleton style... and that's fine.. they are just suggestions; not forcing you to change.

Well done by both competitors....but TOO long. kinda like this vote.
v Universe, reluctantly becasue I really like Hal0's "good" stanzas."
Goodnight.

XI