XI WK IV: Dope Girl (0-2) vs. Civil Rawr xD (0-3) (DOPE GIRL WINS)
 

VERSES: Thursday, January, 5th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 24 Hour Ext: Mod/Opponent Discretion

VOTES: Sunday, January 8th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 3 Vote Requirement Enforced/Penalty

MAXIMUM: 48 Lines: 64 IF AGREED UPON!


TOPIC:

Continue as go



Topic: River in New Zealand



Here I am running around
The ground I step on is rugged and rigged
Do you think it’s a lie?
Am I lying?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I’ve never known a boy to spread his legs willingly
I am boy
I’ve never married a girl who
Nvm
But at the last straw? We still find ourself
I’m here through thick and thins
Say the silent prayer but be with god
Always stay true to those
Never expose weakness to gorl


To be continue

" Daughter's Pain"



I remember your first walk, your first talk.
When you was a little girl I took you to the park.
You told me your feelings, I told you I'll save you from the dark.
When your dad left, I told you I'll protect you from shark.
While I'm pregnant I was outside alone,
I had to make it on my own.
When you was a baby I take care of you by myself.
I would never make you feel the pain because it felt so lonely inside.
Think about it make me mad,
I wish your dad didn't do me bad.
No matter what you go through I'll be for you.
We stick together forever.

Civil Rawr xD - River in New Zealand

Here I am running around
The ground I step on is rugged and rigged
Do you think it’s a lie?
Am I lying?
Are you fucking kidding me? -- very cool abstraction with the personals

I’ve never known a boy to spread his legs willingly
I am boy
I’ve never married a girl who
Nvm ---- simple basic , poetic persuasive -- i like it

But at the last straw? We still find ourself
I’m here through thick and thins
Say the silent prayer but be with god
Always stay true to those
Never expose weakness to gorl --- LOL poetry in motion does it lack the true art of hiphop not really but in terms of a writing skill tournament
less will rarely be considered more
and this was bout as simple as it gets yet it has impact and soul i enjoyed it..

Dope Girl - Daughter's Pain

I remember your first walk, your first talk.
When you was a little girl I took you to the park.
You told me your feelings, I told you I'll save you from the dark.
When your dad left, I told you I'll protect you from shark. --- best opening i read from you

While I'm pregnant I was outside alone,
I had to make it on my own.
When you was a baby I take care of you by myself.
I would never make you feel the pain because it felt so lonely inside. -- emotional wording sticks to the narrative paints good character imagery..

Think about it make me mad,
I wish your dad didn't do me bad.
No matter what you go through I'll be for you.
We stick together forever. -----good ending brightens up a rather morose read from both writers still holds impactful narrative ...


Mvgt - ''TIED'' i actually enjoyed civil rawrs written it's abstract metaphor and minimalist approach showed depth on a deeper level ...but in terms of story cadence with a less abstract but still emotionally driven narrative dopegirl got the overall better ''verse'' to me it lacked creativity but still well written ..can't pick one side both seem equal...

What’s going on here? Since y’all not taking this serious, I won’t either.

Civil - sucked. Do better.

Dope girl - sucked even worse. Sign out.

Winner - not the readers

Civil - slow and abstract - feels pretty troll of a post, but the biggest issue I have with this is that you chose your own topic instead of using the topic provided. that feels DQ-able. as before, I struggle to see that you're taking this seriously, so if you are - I would just start posting in OM and not attending this - it's hard to give you cohesive feedback.

Dope - besides the grammar mistakes all over, this wasn't awful, it had a clear basis for the "snippet" (less a story) and was actually tied to the topic (in the sense that maybe you saw two hands touching, like a mother/daughter, or having a child is a form of bondage/hostage). the grammar made is really hard to read, but there wasn't really a hard eye roll moment so...

vote: Dope girl

The topic itself is relatively easy to formulate ideas from; there’s the more obvious perhaps angles of this being slavery related which is what first came to mind for me. A second would likely have been something to do with an arrest of some sort, giving you options from there as to whether you chose to base this around a genuine case like Rodney King’s, Eric Garner’s or George Floyds for example, or opted for a take which ultimately starts with an arrest and then you can decide as a writer if that person actually did the crime - or was not guilty, and it’s open for you to then explore as you wish. The difficulty there of course, is finding something original in its execution that hadn’t been done before. It will certainly be an all too familiar topic, with many potential cliches you’ll want to avoid, but it could be done and if done right could be great. There are many metaphors in regard to the monochromatic imagery or the knot even that could be incorporated. Let’s see how you guys did…


Rawr: I’m not sure if you even tried, hand on heart, or if this is just some sort of exercise in which you try to test the stupidity of the AOWL and see what they may vote for. The river being “rugged and rigged,” doesn’t make sense to me. Perhaps you meant “rigid” instead of “rigged” perhaps but either way, neither is a great word choice in my opinion. There was a more conversational non-rhyming narrative that then came in which was interesting, it worked to a certain extent and was actually more of a sort of spoken wordesque feel to it (though, I admit, the swearing felt unnecessary there to me personally). From that point this river ran downhill rapidly. It becomes a babbling brook but not in the way it was intended to be. It continued its descent until it was done. Hit rock bottom.

Dope girl: If I’m honest the opening (at least up until the shark) wasn’t the worst we’ve seen from you. The topic itself seemed to escape you, or you at least only alluded to it and tended to use it as if it was protecting someone. It’s not the image I got when viewing the topic, almost the complete opposite in fact, but I guess I can somewhat see it if I let it rattle around my brain a little. The connection is very vague, in my opinion, but in a toss up of two evils I actually had you winning here. Is it an upset? I don’t believe Rawr will be too upset at losing this one. It was the greatest ever Robranda verse against quite possibly the largest, unmotivated and uninspired Zelph verse ever. The unstoppable force and the immovable object collide. There could only be one winner.

MVGT - Robranda

Civil Rawr xD:
i love the start you covered the now in such small detail real quick.. and the to be continued was dope i felt that it unfolded enough to call it that.. all lines seem substantial and all vocab good..

Dope girl:
i love this verse the character its the first time i actually saw yours as a little girl.. the story of the betral and the dad part was dope he came out of no where and the story itself was short and sweet.. the story itself was dope..

vote: dope girl

verse was just more prettier all round good luck guys

Civil Rawr justttt edged this

Never expose weakness to gorl was just a bit superior to shark protection

Props to both

Shockingly I don’t think either one of you looked at the topic here

Civil could be a great writer if he took the art more seriously, the first part of the verse showed promise and then devolved into the usual Zelph shit minus the pegging which was surprising.

DG writes with the lyrical prowess of 2005 Yung Joc, but it comes from the heart, whatever that’s worth. Waaaay too simplistic to actually resonate with me.

I’d give this to DG as she actually had a story to tell and did so well if not a little bit simplistically.

V/DG

I'm giving this to DG. She conveyed the topic, it was more relatable and heartfelt.

XI