WEEK NINE: TIMELESS (2-3) vs MASTER ROCK (4-4) TIMELESS WINS 3-0
 

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

AOWL Season X WEEK NINE

@Master Rock @timeless


Verse Due: SUNDAY JUNE 5TH @ 11:59 PM

Line min: 10

Max: 40


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:
https://i.ibb.co/8KhTT05/0-A25-C7-C3...15-CBE46-B.jpg



GOOD LUCK

Wouldnt mind an ext til monday night. These weekend shifts are brutal this time of year. Either way ill drop what i got.

Grinding.

Part II

As a kid I always obliged the sky, forever grateful it's untied.
A staple of some nights, often I'd awake to the sunrise.
So many open-ended types of existances unlisted.
As we peer up and wonder how many differences summed religion.
Skylines are painted with meteor showers and aurora borealis.
A smorgasboard core of balance, I explored a more see-through challenge.
Last week I wrote a verse about a true experience in my life.
At the end I wrote, "To be continued..." so I'm here to write.
Still I wonder what's real or flight, I go back on these days with afterthoughts.
Ever since I was a kid, alls I wanted to be was an astronaut.
Anyways, back on Mars...
Stargazing at Mr. Musk floating up through the beam of the light,
Our team is in fright, hearts racing as they fear for their life.
Swiftly I appear to be bright and shift the gear into drive.
Seems it's all up to God now, so I left my soul and spirit behind.
I dialed in the directions on Google maps and laughed it up.
Had me taking the scenic route because the traffic's stuck.
I said, "Enough is enough!" right before a loud crash and thud.
Concerned it was debris, I did a lap and found it was Captain Musk.
He was trying to get in, so I told everyone to gear up and fit in.
The appearance is sifting as Edwin was in plain clothes and living.
Mars did not have oxygen, so how in the hell is he alive with no mask?
As i opened the door, he tipped his hat to my craft and realised all of the facts,
Simply put, he wasn't the captain anymore, he was too shaken up.
Acknowledged my brilliance and instilled faith in my place of trust.
I noticed he wasn't out of breath at first, then he wasn't breathing at all.
I questioned if he was okay to go? He responded, "I'm feeling I'll fall."
We passed on the beach and bars, we had to seem at large.
Hard steering we crawled through the atmosphere of Mars.
Back into space we go, would've stayed longer but we all had seen Rome.
We hauled ass so fast that we passed 8 or 9 other ships who called for Sea Tow.
No one even put a foot down on the soil, Ed was abducted as soon as he opened the door.
We were all hoping for more, turns out he was anal probed and toked as a whore.
So we never made our mark as it was always, "Get down and chins low!"
Except for the bottle of Morgan our captain had flicked out the window.
American-made, our every hope was always so self-betrayed.
It helps us lay our heads to rest at night with our best at play.
Yet I always told the crew that the playground has been thataway.
And that if you need to seem wise than stay grounded and castaway.

The crew; who I will get into later, had never met me before the trip.
I adore their grip on reality, so I thought I'd aboard the ship.
"If I didn't introduce myself before, than I'm here to pass it down.
I am Assistant Crew Chief Birdcall, and I am your captain now."

...To be continued.

In the vast darkness, its drowning greatly,
whispers brush closer as they spread ever so faintly
I'm sensing the sounds splash as they spill over,
freely I wander through the stranger things in my mind
inside, I'm left feeling the ups and downs until they slide
the rumble of the atmosphere the static ride
clashes like titans aftermath divide hence they arrive
colliding through the dense muck electrified
uncovering the surrounds, it lies
deeply inside the void spreads as the portals flicker inbound
curiously I stumble upon the gaps to bridge across everything that I found
myself,
so I'm ain't falling for any of those crappy cards that were dealt
I cut the ties in knots...whelp
I'm tired of being tied down, so let me unravel these chains
I already defined myself and uncover my name
so I'll scrutinize everything else as a synthetically strange
the screams in the distance...I hear the laughter and pain
I scour through and I discover the hallow fly
Astro plane
through the dusk soared its throat I ascertain
from the mass, it swallowed...grasp obtained
let me purge the dark matters as I scatter the light
spotted equipped in my hand a flash flood of what's insight
dropped as the fire paints the atmosphere
I get mesmerized and my eyes get captured by the vast wonderment of the twinkling sky
I'm left to ponder as I witness the power of heaven being ripped open wide
the thunderest claps are being spoken as the world testified
reigning fire stars falling from the heavens
to a lot, she turns and stones over
say goodbye to modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah

Tried voting on this yesterday but dozed off lol

Basically it went like this

Timeless -
I think you knew what you were going to write before you even seen the topic this week, you kind of shoehorned yourself into the same story again by throwing a “to be continued” at the end of the verse last week, it’s all good, continuity is cool and outside of Universe I haven’t seen many people ambitious enough to approach a topic spanning over several weeks. That being said I think your connection to the picture this week could have been a lot tighter than a cheap flashback scene for your character, especially since you got the luck of both of your topics having to do with space, seems like they’d be more cohesive, and would have gone hand in hand, I don’t know this week just felt less inspired than the verse that beat me last week. Also didn’t like this meta line

“ Last week I wrote a verse about a true experience in my life.
At the end I wrote, "To be continued..." so I'm here to write.”

Just took a lot of wind out of the story for me. Felt cheap.

Master Rock:
Appreciate you brotha you’re an asset to this league and I’m glad you manage to show weekly despite being busy, but this was the same song and dance on your part. A half hearted verse that showed some potential here and there and made me only wish it was longer and more fleshed out. I can’t with good conscience ever vote for something like that, so with all due respect

Vote - Timeless even though this wasn’t his best he still did enough to out write his opponent.

MVGT - TIMELESS

not getting into details as each of these verse felt a bit rushed

timeless while not your best work did enough to edge out master rock due to a tighter rhyme scheme and bit more effort ...master rock i would have deemed this a tie if u came with the same energy that got you the W over me even possibly tip the scales in your favor ...got timeless on this one

timeless - liked the little wordplay at the end where you used the morgan/captain that was slick, my only complaint is the predictable rhymes, try ot throw in slant or near rhymes so your rhyme schemes aint so predictable, you did in some parts, but like towards the end they become too predictable, I also liked your story and the imagery was on point.

masater rock - you also had a predictable scheme, and there wasn't much to it, a lot was one syllable rhymes, other than that I think your wording at times made the piece borning, like in the beginning where you said ever so' fraintly, I think that could have been reworded, I went in thinking this is going to be a "it was a dark and stormy night" kind of story, like the stranger things reference, even working in the upside down world differently with "ups and downs", I say the only thing that i had an issue with was the wording and your schemes could be more creative, last few pieces I read from you seemed rush.

THis is an easy decision for me, timeless obvisouly put more effort into his verse, I don't think master rock has been able to find the motivation, however still capable of dropping a good verse, imagine if master rock put effort into his shit, we would all be in trouble, I think for now I'm going with timeless.

v/timeless