The Gulch
 

I’m loathing the lack of
moments so tranquil
coulda sold em for a handful
of Doxepin samples
so I buy me some:
time/tatted white rabbit
a vile addict on Romeo’s flask and
am I probing a habit
through this coveted language
of mine and some..
disposable factors?
like my vocal chord’s stagnant
on your mother tongue/larynx
and my moral codes lacking
in my covalent spectrum
this pondering penchant
of mine.. causes oxygen absence
no Leviathan coercing the sentence
so don’t hold me to standards
of a poet in anguish
really, I’m just a loaner of patterns
and art is perceptive!
and for the people!
but what you don’t see is..
I woulda sold it to fandom
if it was holdin‘ some value
to any lonesome man/savage
Juliette complex:
we’re on a constant
culprit conscious
the amusement’s conflict
juke on boxes
plus a nickel for your time
- Vaudeville novice
living off a rhyme’s sake
it’s a fucking mind state
rumour has it.. had a
bodkin in hand and
left the tip in his flask
- youthful bargain
when tragedy plus time’s
poured in a glass with
some carnal matter
it’s a corny enactment

I fucked with it.

There was some slight mis-matching syllabically early on but nothing major enough to distract me from the enjoyment of it.

It read like a simple enough finger flexing, done quickly to knock the dust off presumably. It’s cool enough for what it is, though I must admit I’m not the biggest fan of this/that type end rhymes used personally. Lol.

It reminded me of @Witty in parts, truth be told, though a little less direct and planned out- this read more free form to me and less prepared, which is what I think you went for, more train of thought keystyle ish fun than anything else.

It’s enjoyable.

Keep that pen moving!

doopppeeee.. impeccable flow

"so I buy me some:
time/tatted white rabbit
a vile addict on Romeo’s flask and
am I probing a habit
through this coveted language
of mine and some..
disposable factors?
like my vocal chord’s stagnant
on your mother tongue/larynx
and my moral codes lacking
in my covalent spectrum
this pondering penchant
of mine.. causes oxygen absence
no Leviathan coercing the sentence
so don’t hold me to standards
of a poet in anguish
really, I’m just a loaner of patterns
and art is perceptive!
and for the people!
but what you don’t see is..
I woulda sold it to fandom
if it was holdin‘ some value
to any lonesome man/savage"

lotta cool near-rhymes or slant rhymes. And syllable-matches.

Based on reading it multiple times, I thought it would rap better aloud. I was wrong. Could be just my own shortfall at rapping though.

Cool piece.

Laughed a little at this, it’s very true.

Thanks for reading, all!

dope verse, the juliette complex was the tightest part for me..

the rhyme structure was solid and substance all in all vocab tight.. nice one

Really liked the way you bounced around flow wise, it kept the piece engaging. It sort of kept it going like a montage cutting to different scenes, vocabulary was nice and imagery was very cool. It was an entertaining read

threre isnt one singldood that could mss with me

nice rhymes, ebullient phrasing, verged on nonsensical at points (might be the punctuation or lack thereof) and ebbed more than flowed in the middle. but may that was intentional, it's all about the interplay after all. but a fun, rhythmic, stream of conscious - which is kind of my thing.

ebullient you know

"yo, you good famski?"

"yeah for sure, im ebullient rn my g"

you son of a bitch

I appreciate it! Special love for ebullience indeed

Hi Alice, you have seriously improved. Not that you weren't great before but this was very good. It flowed impeccably to me. It was a really fun read.

Also cheers for the shout out @sraL

Thank you + Mr Fox.

I feel drunk after reading this, but in a good, cheerful, non-aggressive sort of way. The rhyme scheme was exceptional—the slants, hanging rhymes and inners were all very well done. The fall down the rabbit hole was as complexed as it was enthralling—as to was your choice in vocabulary. Eventful read, Alice.

“ really, I’m just a loaner of patterns
and art is perceptive!
and for the people!
but what you don’t see is..
I woulda sold it to fandom
if it was holdin‘ some value
to any lonesome man/savage
Juliette complex:
we’re on a constant
culprit conscious
the amusement’s conflict
juke on boxes
plus a nickel for your time
- Vaudeville novice
living off a rhyme’s sake
it’s a fucking mind state”

^loved it!

Time tatted white rabbit

Dope

Flow rolled off the tongue well
Kept readers going along til the end.
Look forward to reading more from ya

but its still good.. .and a great changeup style.

Classic
You should be an English teacher...

Ups soon Wise

*****Ediiitttt
(NEW 2023 FEED)

2 Years ago I made what appears to be a "dickey" post...
Basically I loved the verse...
(Yet I managed to make a snarky/snide comment about "audio" [or, my lack of execution])...
AND on this Third Look over the years, I dare say, ONE of the best (for it's style--ever; and arguably HOF worthy for the uniqueness)....

Pure English class.
Memorable phrases/ sometimes whole lines.

Good flow...and creativity (IF [as I did not do 2 years ago] you let it breath/hesitate/whatever it takes to get the flow/open-mic-rhyminess...
@Alice
You may not top your oldie but we dare you for another - even shortie.

**************
*Final edit:
Might I add? Also an all-time Top Title for a piece IMO... just such an old english "phonetic" WORD. Gulch.
Fuck.*
Moving riiiiight along