Netcees - Sound of Life

Netcees (http://netcees.org/index.php)

- Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)

- - Sound of Life (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=149265)

What a silo drum tin essence manage on beats over kicks
to bioluminescent language of deepwater fish,
is where existence will live and frequencies hit
like sonar control that embrace what human features would miss

Create and unfold
a microscopes detail,
with materials tasked
to eventually grasp
the brain of a female

We observe chemical reactions during consensual acts,
and what makes atoms in bedrooms and heirlooms collapse.
Minds expand and combat our past to acts of the present,
then fully evolve to what's destined to last,
then beat their contestant.

I'm thinking too much -
and learning to letting it go...
So, from here on out:
I'll just follow the flow

Thought this had a nice flow to it as the lines progressed but some word choices seemed to prevent this from being a smooth read. Your very first line, as an example, is a bit cryptic and longer compared to the rest. The concept could’ve been somewhat interesting if you kept being consistent with your references throughout your lines.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Objective (Post 810620)

What a silo drum tin essence manage on beats over kicks. to bioluminescent language of deepwater fish, is where existence will live and frequencies hit; like sonar control that embrace what human features would miss.

Create and unfold a microscopes detail, with materials tasked to eventually grasp the brain of a female.

We observe chemical reactions during consensual acts, and what makes atoms in bedrooms and heirlooms collapse. Minds expand and combat our past to acts of the present, then fully evolve to what's destined to last, then beat their contestant.

I'm thinking too much - and learning to letting it go... So, from here on out:
I'll just follow the flow

Not bad at all.
HOW DOES IT FEEL WITH A LONGBAR PROSE STYLE? Took me like 90 seconds.
Just a suggestion...I haven't even vetted it yet, just will post.

I thought it was nice content for the most part--- the opening stanza "bordered" on trying to be a bit too clever, then the rest was more laymen and natural IMO...Nice contemplative and quickey journal written~