Netcees

Netcees (http://netcees.org/index.php)
-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   broken glass (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=146101)

dead man 12-13-2020 05:05 AM

broken glass
 
all my
gods are stolen. all my records are scratched. it feels like
all my friends have children. all my relatives, cancer.
never once confessed to a pastor, this i admit
Ba'hai agnostic secular bastard. dumb as a brick
painted gold. freckle-toed. statuesque in your posture
i'd crawl through broken glass to pick you up at a concert
voluntary respondent survey our bond summarized
tell me jump. i'll run a marathon and wrestle a tiger
there's mud in the grinder blades, we're scrubbing it dry
chewing on our gums until our hunger subsides
choke down pluses and minuses. snowdrift rupturing sinus
windfall rustles behind us. shaky branch restructuring climate
i've been waiting for a moment in private, like most of us
rooted in uncomfortable silences growing up
tobacco in my arteries, sprouting another lung
soaking up bacteria, staring into the sun
screaming tongues of Judah through speakerboxes in traffic
channeling Beelzebub. bleeding onto a mattress
comforter Eddie Bauer. day-trip solo for 7 hours
wondering which kills me first: privileges or power
paper bill crystal powder. our messenger was a profit, He
burned every plant we harvested and sent us a dollar
it all makes sense why empires fall and kingdoms survive
when Prince died our fentanyl sold for triple the price
forgotten slice of paradise. our country to fight for.
unloading trucks at dawn and playing numbers at night
lotto ticket, pot to piss in. our apartment was mine
i signed for it and told my folks our marriage was final
iCloud memory side-scroll tragedy for yearly revival
all I wanted was a glimpse of what it could've been like
Anotherside on shiny glass and ripples in lakes
pleading with us, please, to make an early escape.
intrusive thoughts like fungus in a riverbed lately
skip a stone to drown my most immediate hatred
sonic wave us into a station when my oxygen's low
you shock me into existence just by checking my pulse
wretched vermin. vulture flying close to a corpse
bottom-feeding empathy and getting results
so where can we go to copy and paste our younger approach
if i got a second chance i'd let it go





/

big baby 12-13-2020 04:37 PM

the edit at 5:07 made this for me. will comment later for sure

dead man 12-13-2020 05:47 PM

For sure

Geno 12-13-2020 11:15 PM

Fire man

dumb as a brick
painted gold. freckle-toed. statuesque in your posture
i'd crawl through broken glass to pick you up at a concert

A: so you are white?
B: damn, the raw vusuals and feeling of desparity/loyalty i get from this. Unngghh son

Jesus. This is so good black. You are everything i always wanted to be in a writer. Amazing. Glad ur still active homie. One day, maybe soon, i might actually try to write. Idk. But artwork like this always trys to motivate me.

big baby 12-14-2020 08:23 AM

if you read deadman you could put together that he was atleast not black- if that was your presumption. even though he doesn't say it, his mystique is rather blatant if you read closely. though it shouldn't and doesn't matter. i guess for connectivity purposes maybe it does to some. also I'm pretty sure his family is somewhat religious, or pertains to a certain religion, culturally. his views on religion and his own self apathy towards god and atheistic themes seeem to waver very frequently. either way, he could be invisible and id still fuck with it.



"rooted in uncomfortable silences growing up
tobacco in my arteries, sprouting another lung
soaking up bacteria, staring into the sun
screaming tongues of Judah through speakerboxes in traffic
channeling Beelzebub. bleeding onto a mattress"

i hated beelzebub. but everything else was nice. beelze seems to be a common theme for you to describe evil or angst. i've noticed.


"skip a stone to drown my most immediate hatred"

sigh.


there's mud in the grinder blades, we're scrubbing it dry
chewing on our gums until our hunger subsides
choke down pluses and minuses. snowdrift rupturing sinus
windfall rustles behind us. shaky branch restructuring climate


i really liked this. rhyming-cool. but the detail was pretty- i enjoyed it. hunger subsided, and the depiction of climate set a overall mood. i like setting the mood with climate. cold climate, loud noises. crazy combination. funny how hot and silent is paradise, but cold and loud is tumultuous. hot and loud is a festival and cold and silent is despondent, pensive. hmm.


any who. liked the completeness of this. it felt complete. thanks for giving me motivation to write something else.

veritas 12-20-2020 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead man (Post 795796)
all my
gods are stolen. all my records are scratched. it feels like
all my friends have children. all my relatives, cancer.
never once confessed to a pastor, this i admit
Ba'hai agnostic secular bastard. dumb as a brick
painted gold. freckle-toed. statuesque in your posture
i'd crawl through broken glass to pick you up at a concert
voluntary respondent survey our bond summarized
tell me jump. i'll run a marathon and wrestle a tiger
there's mud in the grinder blades, we're scrubbing it dry
chewing on our gums until our hunger subsides
choke down pluses and minuses. snowdrift rupturing sinus
windfall rustles behind us. shaky branch restructuring climate
i've been waiting for a moment in private, like most of us
rooted in uncomfortable silences growing up
tobacco in my arteries, sprouting another lung
soaking up bacteria, staring into the sun
screaming tongues of Judah through speakerboxes in traffic
channeling Beelzebub. bleeding onto a mattress
comforter Eddie Bauer. day-trip solo for 7 hours
wondering which kills me first: privileges or power
paper bill crystal powder. our messenger was a profit, He
burned every plant we harvested and sent us a dollar
it all makes sense why empires fall and kingdoms survive
when Prince died our fentanyl sold for triple the price
forgotten slice of paradise. our country to fight for.
unloading trucks at dawn and playing numbers at night
lotto ticket, pot to piss in. our apartment was mine
i signed for it and told my folks our marriage was final
iCloud memory side-scroll tragedy for yearly revival
all I wanted was a glimpse of what it could've been like
Anotherside on shiny glass and ripples in lakes
pleading with us, please, to make an early escape.
intrusive thoughts like fungus in a riverbed lately
skip a stone to drown my most immediate hatred
sonic wave us into a station when my oxygen's low
you shock me into existence just by checking my pulse
wretched vermin. vulture flying close to a corpse
bottom-feeding empathy and getting results
so where can we go to copy and paste our younger approach
if i got a second chance i'd let it go





/


still?

Objective 12-20-2020 11:48 PM

Veritas, at least feed his shit, come on now...

Dope as always. Do I need to say anything that hasn't been said already?

"wretched vermin. vulture flying close to a corpse
bottom-feeding empathy and getting results"

This hit me on a personal level, good stuff DeadMan.

veritas 12-21-2020 08:51 AM

"agnostic stupid bastard"

-still?

El Muffin 12-21-2020 04:22 PM

God I see so much relevancy in this . Highly identifiable early on.. with the observations about how your life is going as opposed to your peers .

Even stuff like this .

“tell me jump. i'll run a marathon and wrestle a tiger”

Sheesh. Fucking AMEN


This is chock full of gems idek where to begin .

The fentanyl / prince kingdom bit was something else . I’m busy but I couldn’t help but log in & show this appreciation

Probably one of my favorite pieces from you for sure

dead man 12-21-2020 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veritas (Post 796451)
"agnostic stupid bastard"

-still?

Not sure if misquote or subtle dig. Maybe both in separate minds

Fair?


edit: all praises due to muff obj geno and bb

veritas 12-22-2020 08:57 AM

I just don’t get it, I’m sorry. I don’t understand why you are still at the same level?

dead man 12-22-2020 11:05 AM

its cause i never called you bro

big baby 12-22-2020 02:16 PM

level content or skill wise? both have changed. to understand why the former changed, you'd have to have the latter changed in you as well.

veritas 12-22-2020 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead man (Post 796530)
its cause i never called you bro

Even now you are separated from the truth? And why? What is the lesson you still need to learn?

dead man 12-22-2020 09:15 PM

i dont know but i am truly curious to hear what you think

veritas 12-24-2020 01:07 AM

After all this time, I think that we are both of a sufficient level of game respects game and that even though we are totally different we could be of each other’s benefit.

Synthesis: I want to be friends. And I want to understand you, because you are unique and fascinating.

2021. Our year.

veritas 12-24-2020 01:08 AM

As for what I think it starts with questions: tell me your relationship to the word “hope” please? And spare no mental expense. Only type an answer if you really feel like it.

dead man 01-30-2025 11:34 AM

2021 was in fact not our year @veritas

my bad

Witty 01-31-2025 05:11 AM

@veritas is a genuinely good guy. I made that call and his words helped me get through a very difficult and defining period of my life.

Nearly 9 years ago, holy fuck.

Take his persona here with a pinch of salt, he's a top quality human being.

Love you V.

PancakeBrah 02-01-2025 07:53 AM

I hate that motherfucker. Fuckin', "remember the future" ass mfer.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:50 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.