WEEK TWO: LUCIPHER HOWLZ 1-0 vs MASTER ROCK 1-0
 

AOWL Season IX

@Lucipher Howlz @Master Rock

Verse Due: Saturday November 21st @ 11:59PM EST



Line Limit
10-50

Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:

https://i.ibb.co/3kszQmn/DC09-AA53-3...D5-FB052-B.jpg

Check

Check

Rock said he may need the extension @Lucipher Howlz so I went ahead and put you guys down for it

@Adverse That's fine with me. So when do we have to post by?

Sunday night 11:59pm EST time

https://i.ibb.co/3kszQmn/DC09-AA53-3...D5-FB052-B.jpg
peace to me, a piece of me, it's eating me
it's fleeing me, it's heating me, it's beating me
disregard for what I see, sign & symbols after me,
blind in judgment, catastrophes, it must, bastardy,
walking towards the flames, but yet.....I'm the one to blame,
pointing the finger, reflection of consequences drip n linger,
how do I get pass this? I'm not quite the strategist
momentarily
declaring my time, in it,
I walk the line and its fine, (polar opposite)
my appetite is for the disaligned, a crooked find,
I want a piece, one track at a time
and it's on my mind, time after time,
over and over, these chains they bind, enclosure, I'm speeding backward towards rewind,
why can't this apple fall further from the tree?
retrospection from my own eyes to see, what's going on with me?
glancing through the looking glass, I see the opponent
Give me more, I return to the moment,
Reality got me twisted
wants and needs getting shifted,
disruption of harmony, cut till it bleeds
tear through my skin, the scars proceed
to tell a story, hate, pain. dissatisfaction's inventory,
exhaust in my veins, clenching of my teeth,
grinding bits of my peace, I'll never find.
serenity, I am bits and parts of every one of my enemies
How can I help myself if I'm not being a friend to me?
Devils tap my shoulder telling me to take care
Angels attempt to remove me from this affair
Mister know it all goes on without a care
played with fire not knowing the oncoming despair
there's hell to pay dwelling in darkness' pit
my dimensions get shattered, I try to grip
I witness reality split, moisture dissipates,
I'm left engulfed in this treacherous place,
I'm pleading to the clouds darkness covering my fate
The wind blows me into fragments for what I desecrate
I wake
Give me another take

"Left Alone"
 

Not sure if I got much left cus my days are minimal-
Just a crazy criminal laying on his death bed with fadin' visuals-
It makes me miserable, Answer my prayers or send a Pagan ritual-
To get me out this book of life, cus every page is rippable-
I embraced this critical situation even tho this place is cynical-
The devil's lair which makes me scared versus the greatest pinnacle-
to breach the fences of reaching heaven- Mentally I might need a weapon-
this coma has me beneath the trenches- but I keep forgettin'-
that I was deep in debt when, I decided to neglect this lesson-
Had a high speed chase when I pulled over and then left em guessin'-
Hands up! Get out the car and he told me to freeze-
I did the opposite as I listened to the cold winter breeze-
holding the leaves, lay on my stomach, I'm scolding the tree-
The coldness in me is worthless, so I went & sold it for free-
no purchase, I'm worth it? cus my soul isn't me-
I lay restless but I can hear every word that is spoke-
caught in between realms thats why earth is a joke-
Cant choose between heaven & hell cus the curtain is closed -
But the fire inside me is certain there's smoke-
I'm caught between the light & hiding behind the darkness-
I'm filled with so much fright, but I'm gliding behind a shark fin-
Got my family scared but I'm sharp like darts of a dedicated marksman-
Whether I live or die that decides from the heavens above-
no one near my body when they pull the plug, Thats a lesson of love-

roc – straight away I noticed a fast paced style that doesn’t resonate, not giving the reader time to breathe and absorb it. Repeating the ‘me’ rhyme at the beginning isn’t something id try to emulate myself, comes across as lazy writing. im always a fan of the shorter line approach but it has to be filled. Im picturing a Christian bale going full ham in a scene, not being happy and then ending it abruptly lol. Give yourself more room to manoeuvre, let the verse blossom lol. I really liked the ending tbf but its too fast paced, it might hurt u here

Howlz – 4 lines in, you really nailed down the flow here. Great introduction story telling wise!
Again it’s a little fast paced but its at least more filled, it engages you, the piece is evolving. The ending was again abrupt, less impactful but overall the better piece

I got Howlz

LH, I let you post late because you corresponded with me before the due date but please try your best to post on time next week? I appreciate you

This battle was pretty even in a lot of ways I don’t feel like either of you took too many chances with the picture kind of taking it at face value, I feel like Rock did a better job of portraying a mind state deteriorating.

But Rock I didn’t dig your flow as much as last week’s...also the imagery that made your verse so good last week seemed to be lost here. There weren’t layers to what you were saying everything was pretty cut and dry I also think you over-focused on rhymes. It just seemed overstuffed and really most of the words didn’t serve a purpose were just there to rhyme and that’s it. So a step back from last week definitely.

Lucipher - also think you took a couple steps back this week man and it felt rushed because it probably was and though your story wasn’t as fast or compelling. But I like the ending scene and this piece right here

“Hands up! Get out the car and he told me to freeze-
I did the opposite as I listened to the cold winter breeze-
holding the leaves, lay on my stomach, I'm scolding the tree-
The coldness in me is worthless, so I went & sold it for free-
no purchase, I'm worth it? cus my soul isn't me-“

Really cool bit and I think that’s what pushed you over the top this week.

This was a decent battle but you’re both better writers than you portrayed this time. You’re dope and maybe it was the picture but it just wasn’t there this week I got LH winning this by being more compelling.

V/LH

Master Rock
Starts off almost as a stream-of-consciousness. The first half has some cliche or elementary wording. Got stronger in the middle and towards the end-- the guy's world is crashing in on him and you described that aptly.

Lucipher Howlz
Good rhyming and multis. There is a story here. It's not great IMO, but it's a decent story with rhyming and multis. Wanted to see what comes next.

I am leaning towards voting for Lucipher Howlz, and I will.
Rock, your simple beginning might have costed you. I did notice that towards the end it was more immersive, but it just wasn't quite enough to take it this week.

V/ LH

master rock:
the verse was pretty dope it was very dark and graphic the smoothness was pretty cool i think the lines was better with its internals so soft nearly but with its tight structure its hmm neatly.. story wise its pretty cool interesting..

lucipher:
little verse was pretty cool and then it was dragged out to make a cool verse very entertaining none the less the story but yeh the lines were tight and the filler was cool where it didnt have too much but kept at a good pace.. thanks for the read..

vote = master rock

because it was better in general with length and with a story that unfolded to itself thanks all round just better...

Just a quick vote from me here, sorry guys.

Master Rock:

Didn't really like the beginning of this, kind of lazy writing like MMLP alluded to. But it def picked up and you ended it well. I think if the entire piece was like the end it would've been a much better read.

That said, lots of bad wording littered this piece. You repeated words everywhere and it just came off rather ho hum. It had its moments though... just not enough of them to overshadow the lows.


Lucipher Howlz:

Loved the multi's from a technical standpoint, but again they got in the way of the story. It's impressive to see your ability on display but if you stay the course against the top guys here (aka me) you won't win. I'm saying this to motivate you, keep your multi's but really delve into more story driven content, and build the plot and/or characters.

If you find the right mix, you will succeed.

Loved this part:

"lay restless but I can hear every word that is spoke-
caught in between realms thats why earth is a joke-
Cant choose between heaven & hell cus the curtain is closed -
But the fire inside me is certain there's smoke"

Overall this was solid, but I struggled to find any real meaningful connection to the topic outside of a few things here and there. Still, enough talent was on display to get you the W.

Vote - Lucipher Howlz