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-   -   Falling from the Moon (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=144972)

ACTIVATE SELF 09-20-2020 09:57 AM

Falling from the Moon
 
My soul is tired and my bones ache, cold lonely nights I spend wide awake
Going insane with a straight face is kind of like solitary confinement with no breaks
Prison escapes is all I think about, but I'm in no cage, in a total state of agony, but I feel no pain
If Doc diagnosed me crazy today, I'd be OKAY, I'd watch the pieces fall in place
Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know?
It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho
But I don't care to live remote or swim around like fish in bowls
Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold
Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN!
Can't see the forest for the trees when stranded in the desert sand
Granted I take medicine to focus when I'm panicking
Reading body language tryna pass their head exam
I use to have a better plan consisting of a weathered plant
But it was unreliable, I always use to wake up dead
My dignity's intact tho, this misery's a cash flow
I scribble on a canvas, my memories in flash strokes
My brush feels the energy, the paint makes it synergy
Splashes hit the backdrop then pain turns to imagery
Brilliantly, chaotically and every other honest-'ly'
I'm obviously intoxicated, huffing paint from burning paper
Vapors fill my studio, I'm dancing in the midnight flame
My soul for a masterpiece? It's seeming like a fair exchange
Van Gogh gave his own ear! L. Wane pawned his whole brain
Basquiat sold both veins. I'm guessing it's a natural thing
To sacrifice for art's sake...expressions of a tortured mind
I pledge my life to heartache, and pay the price the Devil fines
For beauty....................

Universe 09-22-2020 04:07 PM

This was cool.

"Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know?
It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho"


Nice...

"Can't see the forest for the trees when stranded in the desert sand"

Hopefully this gets some more love. @Adverse will appreciate the poetic feel of this I think.

Solid writing here man. Keep it coming.

Objective 09-25-2020 10:07 PM

Thought this was dope. Probably the fav from you that I've read.

The switch ups in flow felt natural and was cool, great multies here n there to spice it up. Some really good quotables for sure:

It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close
^That's fire

I do feel like you missed out on an opportunity to keep your scheme going on this tho:
Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold
Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN!

If you had reworded it like "superstitious, no? I don't really..." or something like that, a word with the "o"-sound in it and then fully switch it up afterwards for a more fluent transition.

Another section I enjoyed:
I scribble on a canvas, my memories in flash strokes
My brush feels the energy, the paint makes it synergy
Splashes hit the backdrop then pain turns to imagery
Brilliantly, chaotically and every other honest-'ly'
^Thought this line was creative and cool

Enjoyed the fluent style-changes throughout and concept you went for with the painting stuff and references. It read fluidly and thought you stitched it together well for the closure. Solid drop

Exis 09-30-2020 04:31 PM

I'd watch the pieces fall in place
Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know?
It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho
But I don't care to live remote or swim around like fish in bowls
Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold
Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN!

^^Dope...as someome that have schizophrenia I can relate.

Tight piece SELF, the emotion & imagery here really hits...so thanks.

Stay you fam.


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