Domestic
 

Dedicated to married guys everywhere...

The struggle is real.

......

My colloquialisms appear to make me cloak and disappear
But with an alcoholic's tear, my only vice is going out to get some beer
Come back home to hear, Um, do you know how long you were gone for?
You must know that right is NOT-chores - unlike laundry and lawnmowers
What's death do us part for? Don't worry before they throw on the dirt...
I'll make sure all my affairs are in order... from best blowjob to worst
What!? she blurted out, I said I had to go-stop-at-work
Oh I must have a hearing problem. Like a mistrial? Go fuck yourself, jerk.
You are unbelievably preoccupied with that damn netcees shit
My family has my attention... Please, you were on backpage when they seized it
That's egregious! We can disagree just let's make it a conversation holder
I rip up every restraining order my X-Files like god damn Agent Mulder
The ol' ball and chain's a boulder; That slut's a deadbeat loner
You want the whole story then follow the sub-plot, The Hunt for Red October
I'm just happy that it's over (it's not).. I see you picked those toiletries up
Now for your birthday you can leave the toilet seat up. Aw you spoil me, fuck
But what's with the spoiled meat hun?? I swear sometimes you can be so dumb
Who are you texting? I'm not I'm just-- It can't be no one!
I'm just making notes for-- You can't hold a conversation, it's pathetic
But you have no frame of reference like you began a bowling game and left it
At this rate we won't make old age together; The sincerest form of flattery
You can put me in jail and shackle me but I can endure-a-cell like a battery
All you do is fucking laugh at me!... Then like an Indian giver I relent
Told her she's the only one I've been with... the rest were nine's and ten's
Go buy a pint with your friends asshole. Fine. Fuck you, stay here at home!
I thought you wanted me out of the house? Not if you're THAT eager to go!
Leave me alone; Oh you gonna put hands on me like our first date?
Bitch I could cut off your legs and you'd still be standoffish like a mermaid
I wish I could stuff you in a metal crate to desecrate this marriage slut
I'll orchestrate your delirium like sending an orca straight to aquariums, what!?
Your wordplay is hilarious, opposites attract that's what's saving you
And our baby too, I mean look at the magnitude of what our magnet drew!
I've provided you with backyard barbecues and a pool for swimming
Everything but the kitchen synch... Like with the Google Mini
Who you kidding? Yesterday you blew the tranny like a tuck job
Did a sit up and an ab ruptured, you came to an abrupt stop
Very funny, but we all know you too over the hill to fall slow
I know this is a tough pill to swallow as far as pillow talk goes, but--
Careful! They'll find ya carcass before the head like a god damn blow n' go
I'm actually indifferent to this relation-ship... Whatever-floats-your-boat
Do you think I can borrow a credit card now or maybe a thousand dollars?
Why? Because I make disasters polished and sell it for cash and profit?
I wont make a splash, You're a Jackson Pollack action doll bitch!
What did you expect me to say? Here babe... you can have my wallet?
You fucking shopaholic, I gave you credit and you blew it in an instant
She grew distant; An argument of Titanic proportions always accrues interest
Now you will soon witness payback that only some afford
We're in uncharted territory here... What? That means unexplored
Ugh. No matter how much we struggle, I love you... you fucking dork
I glance to the floor then look up toward her...

Fuck it, I love you more.

Mwah.

Lmao. This pretty dope man. Bravo.. Nailed the topic

Enjoyed this... while I'm not married I can still relate, thought you did a great job, some of the what I really enjoyed

the play on affairs was nice here
i applaud any x-files reference
dug the frame of reference play here too...
loved this part here... the second line leaned me, and the third and fourth is something I think every guy has dealt with at some point, lol. The imagery of the last line too had me
this part stood out to me as well.

All in all an enjoyable read, and thought the ending was well done too... sappy but in just the right way given the general tone of the piece.

Though some of it felt a little zany (intentionally I know) i liked it and related to the narrative. Thing i like about your pieces is they don't take themselves too seriously which really sets them apart, it seems you always do your topic of choice in an unorthodox way but still evoke the central emotions of the piece. Appreciate it as always Uni

lulz as a married guy, this was an awesome fun read and its all done with your signature tongue-in-cheek play on word style lulz. there's a certain degree of honesty in this, even down to the exaggerated (jest) profanity. its one of those communication moments that's done through codes and understanding ha ha. great stuff my man.

Hilarious and heartfelt. You stuck to the topic like industrial strength glue with a great choice vocab and crystal clear imagery. There was a metric tonne of quotables in this:

"What's death do us part for? Don't worry before they throw on the dirt...
I'll make sure all my affairs are in order... from best blowjob to worst"

Laughed my arse off. Great compound and wordplay here.

"I'm just happy that it's over (it's not).. I see you picked those toiletries up
Now for your birthday you can leave the toilet seat up. Aw you spoil me, fuck"

So much insight into the relationship off of one couplet. Damn.

"At this rate we won't make old age together; The sincerest form of flattery
You can put me in jail and shackle me but I can endure-a-cell like a battery"

Great set up, perfect punchline. Clean as a whistle.

"Leave me alone; Oh you gonna put hands on me like our first date?
Bitch I could cut off your legs and you'd still be standoffish like a mermaid"

Funny as hell. Another great use of wordplay.

I could go on and on. This was a great microcosm of a partnership, terrifically presented. The final lines were the perfect finish, wrapped it up in a bow. Great stuff.

Rtf if you please. I'll be keeping an eye out for new drops.

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