WEEK 7: Vulgar vs Pharoahs Army VULGAR WINS
 

GOODLUCK!

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The Different Tribe


'Irregular' folks congregated to send off their own
Sushranthan the Surgeon, who originally came 18 years ago
A man with opal-colored, shriveled teeth, no eyebrows or eyelashes
Disfigured nose. Burdens of affliction he carried, on par with Atlas
The liminal spaces his townspeople occupied could coax some pity
They were a leper colony, isolated from the coastal city
“Why is he leaving?” they'd ask. His wife, Yushran was puzzled too…
Why would a person so disfigured, so unfit to function in society
return to Agatti Island to seek board and room?
He had told them, “I’m only curious. A bit homesick.”
But when Sushranthan’s canoe landed ashore, his heart dipped.
Cadavers on wheelbarrows and graves half-dug
A plague had come to his hometown, its scythe covered in blood.
He’d suffered enough, and although he appeared as a walking corpse
Now ‘his kind’ were the new normal -
he planned to rejoin society henceforth
But first, surgical assistance would be needed for the victims
A gravedigger led him to the hospital and he learned about the symptoms
He was given a mask to wear, tools, a saw to amputate infected limbs
and saw some of his patients to the end. Others recovered again.
He spoke to a dying man with a bandaged eye, who asked:
"We sent your kind to places far away, but you came back. Why?"
Sushranthan replied:
"I care less about risk of infection. Especially from those I'm banished by."

EXT please.
Posting tomorrow

John made his way through the quaint suburban streets.
He was going to his parents’ house to eat
with the whole family. Thanksgiving. Mashed potatoes, stuffing. Meat.
After last year, they’re probably surprised he showed up again.
John is a liberal, and the whole family is Republican.
John parked, went inside, and sat down.
He doesn’t start it, but he also doesn’t back down.
John’s Mom just hopes they’re able
to sit at the same table.
Brother Eric starts it off as he sets the glasses.
“See how high the stock market went today? I guess Trump knows what he’s doing.”
“A misogynist,” says John. “And a racist. Who are you fooling?”
“Sour grapes,” says Eric. Their mom interrupts:
“Give it up. And I don’t care who started it first.
Let’s keep our eye on the task of carving this bird.”
Wine in each glass.
Gravy and fixings around the table are passed.
Sister Rebecca says “well it must be hard when all you listen to is NPR, in your car.”
“A reputable outlet,” says John. “Unlike your station.”
She replies, “hey it’s not true what they say about Fox News. Fair and balanced.”
By now John feels very challenged.
John’s Mom says “I can’t take any more.
Next thing you know we’ll be rehashing the Iraq war.”
“A noble cause,” John’s Dad pipes up.
“Those people didn’t know freedom under Sadaam.”
“Sure,” says John. “Freedom?--
How ‘bout hundreds of thousands dead from our bombs.
I’ve lost my appetite,” he says, as he exits the room.
He mutters under his breath that he’ll be leaving soon.
A token liberal…lonely and miserable.

Vulgar- pretty sad story. i liked how descriptive you got with his appearance, i could actually pic what dude looked like. it's ironic how often we help people that don't deserve it, and yet here we are. he truly is a black sheep in more ways than one. good stuff

Phar- your shit has improved a lot lately, i just wanna say you're starting to master how to paint a scene in writing, and it's like at the budding stages so it's awesome to watch you get better and better every week. reading this felt like sitting at my dinner table with my parents, brothers, and sister. there's like an unspoken rule in my house that we dont bring up politics in front of dad lol for real bro. i feel like it ended quite suddenly, like i was hoping they'd get in a way worse argument than that, like i wanted john to lose his shit.

i'm giving this to Vulgar because his narrative went a little deeper here, and more illustrative in the style he was writing in. but Phar, you're getting the right idea. and i think if you had taken your story up a notch further, you would've had this. this was actually a hard vote for me so thanks for lettin me peep

v/Vulgar

Vulgar- liked how the take you took on the picture was so relatable to what's going on in the world today. Despite the downbeat themes being explored this was an uplifting story about the importance of human kindness which spoke to me on a personal level. Your pacing and vocab choice was good from start to finish; and the plot twist was well executed. Nice.

Pharaoh's Army- If you don't want to lose friends, don't talk about politics or religion right? You painted the tension in the scene very clearly, and managed to work the dialogue into the piece well which is difficult to do. I guess I was hoping for a stronger punchline at the conclusion but it served it's purpose. Rhyme scheme could've been a little stronger here and there but it's clear you have a flair for narration.

Vote- Vulgar, I think his narrative was the stronger one. PA came with it though. good battle guys.

vulgar, i think this may be in contendership for votw. for something so short, it was able to tell a complete and concise story with message and everything. This was almost like those annoying Hollywood tropes of a complete stranger coming in and saving the day ie. last samurai, fern gully, avatar lulz, but this had that extra layer of compassion and kindness, made easy enough to tug at certain strings but not done in a saccharine way. awesome.

pharaoh, i actually enjoyed this alot. it does fall into the trope category but it worked really well with your style now. the bare bone approach was straight and to the point that it almost reflect the rawness of the subject matter. it would be dope if there was less of this is good, this is bad conclusion because the verse seems to dictate it so.

v/ vulgar because ultimately it came down to entertainment and i was more intrigue by his verse this week. good showing on pharoah though.

Vulgar

First off, appreciate you stepping in so PA had a battle this week, solid. As for your verse, also solid. The pacing of the story's development was on point, and the way you flipped the picture in your subject and closed it off with the "philosophical high-horse" so to speak all point to why you've been consistently one of NC's top writers for years. Great to see that you're still here doing it.

PA

I remember you from back in the day, so first things first. You've really improved as a writer. I thought this piece was quite good, it's not always easy to write conversation into a piece and make it feel natural, it's a real challenge. I felt like you did a good job with it. Your take on the pic was good, and while it's not something I can personally relate to, I have many friends who've lived through this situation, and from your verse it seems like you know something about it too. The only thing I'd critique is the way your verse just ended, it felt like you could have done something more to wrap it all up.

Both of you did your thing here, but I think Vulgar's more polished writing abilities tipped this in his favour. Props to both.

v/ Vulgar

Vulgar

Man this was a dope read. Every verse you drop you litter with references that honestly I don’t know if it’s made up or actual you cultured swine. Anyway your character development is Unmatched in my eyes. You always craft stories that have such a deep background that it only gives your piece that much more power. This was easy to read and the story flowed smoothly through out. A positive ending to an other wise tragic little tale here. Thanks V!


PA

You painted a dope scenery here my guy while taking a clever approach to the topic, well done. You took a chance bringing in all those characters to life as it is a tough job to do keeping a balance in that scenario. You managed to keep it going smoothly and didn’t really stray from your approach, I can appreciate that for sure. I think what did you in this week was your ending. Didn’t feel like it ended yah know. That’s just my hoesnt take after reading your piece.


Overall

Equal I’m my eyes until the end. Both chose to write a similar scenario in essence To me. I think the difference I think is that V’s ending was more satisfying to his story. I think if PA would of ended his story different he would of got the nod as his take was more relatable to most readers tbh. Great read from both and thanks to V for stepping in again. I got him this time around.


V