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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   State of Emergency (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=142039)

Objective 02-14-2020 06:46 AM

State of Emergency
 
Father of tone's raising voices,
a pearl in the rough among auto-tune oysters.
Imbed this gen, poke a man with corpses, Ash is dead,
fuck these faceless droids with dreads if robo fashion spreads.
Baseless noise diagnosed with annoying voice but no tourettes,
who cares what you say, or who's next to US army's vets?
Tell me to mark it 0 and I mark it red,
get sued to play or sample getting scarred instead.
Tattoo artists carving scriptures with henna mixtures,
go on tour to kill Enna listeners, fuck your taste and pictures.
Guess I'm gettin old with age,
sold to fade and countin days while I devour hours
with bitter, sours, drinkin liquor with gs and cowards.
These keys are ours, rich in style with easel powers
to give these streets a hard on,
big ups to boomers hatin weasel stardom.
Vikings with plastic helmets has their asses hellbent
on fantasized violence to help em pass and sell it.
Bottled trends with shifting friends' ain't lasting plans,
just ask and laugh cus task at hand is masking brands.
Just change your stance, make it great and part the strands,
say it stands for something like your honest rotting concepts
that'll crumble under pressure like modern artisans plotting projects.
Televised culture for cash grab vultures is scary potent,
but there's nothing on yet.
Shit,
who needs some eerie content?

Exis 02-14-2020 12:25 PM

Firstly, thanks for the feed on my joint with Cereal...Secondly it's hard to critique a piece when everyone thinks I'm shit lol.

I thought your first bar was nice...

"Baseless noise diagnosed with annoying voice but no tourettes,"

^^As was that...

The rest is solid so props, liked the imagery & meta's but yeah sometimes I think your word usage threw me off & seriously took me away from what was quite a well flowin' piece...That probably made no sense fam.

It was good, just wanted cleaner (not more complex) vocab bro...Stay upwards.

Master Rock 02-14-2020 10:12 PM

Bro...bro...what an objective brother! Digging ur formula..props on the recipe...keep cooking.

Objective 02-15-2020 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exis (Post 756991)
Firstly, thanks for the feed on my joint with Cereal...Secondly it's hard to critique a piece when everyone thinks I'm shit lol.

Dude, I don't think anyone thinks you're shit. You got pretty good shit, people who are more experienced are pushing you to do even better tho. That's the culture of NCs, give cred but never be too satisfied/comfortable, always strive for perfection. Your words and feedback is valuable cus you represent a lot of people that may share the exact same thoughts, and it's up to me to figure out what I think is poignant to me. Either way, thought out feed is always appreciated regardless who it's coming from.
Plus, it's always easier to read shit from an outside perspective too, see mistakes and where stuff can be improved. When I first got involved with topicals etc. here I got destroyed but I put time and effort into my votes, I think I even made a verse at one point as my vote explaining it all, lol. People enjoyed my votes, got props and rep for them despite me being way worse. Outside perspective can open eyes, you may see something others don't etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exis (Post 756991)
sometimes I think your word usage threw me off & seriously took me away from what was quite a well flowin' piece...That probably made no sense fam.

It was good, just wanted cleaner (not more complex) vocab bro...Stay upwards.

That's fair, and thanks for the cred. Cool that you enjoyed it and thanks for the read, appreciate the words from you as well @Master Rock. I can see how a cleaner vocab or wording in general could give it a lift here and there. Thanks for the feed.

Exis 02-15-2020 01:33 AM

Your so welcome fam, I think your pieces are nice...Was just bein' honest @ fa real didn't mean to be disrespectful in any way...I'll always feed joints from you.

Adverse 02-15-2020 10:36 PM

I love your vocabulary first and foremost, you keep my mind on its toes, whereas I expect you to say one thing and you completely uppercut me with a different word. It’s dope and I like the way your piece started off, I read it as almost slam poetry, like there was a lot of emphasis on the ending of bars. I also enjoyed how it was super chaotic but still felt grounded thematically. Dope work sir

Universe 02-19-2020 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Objective (Post 756931)
say it stands for something like your honest rotting concepts
that'll crumble under pressure like modern artisans plotting projects.
Televised culture for cash grab vultures is scary potent,
but there's nothing on yet.
Shit,
who needs some eerie content?

Sick. This forum needs some eerie content for sure. ANY content actually lol. Keep it coming.

slecht 02-22-2020 08:21 PM

just ask and laugh cus task at hand is masking brands.
Just change your stance, make it great and part the strands,
say it stands for something like your honest rotting concepts
that'll crumble under pressure like modern artisans plotting project


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