i think i'm beginning to understand
 

why people view my way of life as not, how do i put it, correct?

hitting pretty deep depression potholes, the problem is though, if certain people and interactions weren't happening in life now, i would still be happy and content.

basically my job has ho's coming through now. office broads and corporate chicks. they see me running shit, ordering people around, doing twice as much work as everyone and my majestic beard and just slide out of their seats. which isn't the problem.

the problem is i enjoy their praise. one of the problems. but its weird. there is one corporate chick just throwing it at me, literally said she wants to fuck me in so many words but can't cuz her position and i almost took her in the breakroom then and there. but the problem is now im being a fag and doing shit to impress these ho's and getting in text conversations and blah blah

so the main problem is im entertaining female friendship with huge amounts of sexual tension.

but i'm not enjoying it mentally.

i assume the average person who has normal relations with women don't have these problems, but i've disconnected largely from society the past few years, and my interactions with most women have literally just been fucking. ive put too many pathways in my brain so now all i can do is overthink every normal interaction, and its crippling. also the success rate of it is killing me. usually i'll ruin something by now. but the other broad, not the one who flat out said it, does nothing but complain about her ex, how he's a piece of shit blah blah, and her current boyfriend, and she disses her current boyfriend by comparing him to me.

these are ohio 7's btw.

its making me uncomfortable.

might quit my job.

@veritas

mods delete this

You @ me? Or mods delete. Unsure what you want from me. Until then, weird flex but ok.


Let me know if you want to talk about it.

lmao @ weird flex but ok

sorry you can't handle yourself around females, in the words of a very wise man, stop putting the pussy on a pedestal

If u were as cool as u seem to worry about being viewed as u wouldn't be worried about conforming to some archaic idea of ghetto culture masculinity

Watching u grow up is painful

I also find it amusing that u have no idea how to work with women due to lack of experience

Never.never. never shit where u eat.

U fucked up bad already honestly cuz it's too late to blow them off now cuz now it will be viewed as a slight. Smfh. Next time ignore any and all interactions that aren't work related with female associates.

Go down to ur basement and tell ur dad to hit u or something. Where's dad.

mods delete this was a joke since i am embarrassed about sharing this. the @ was to get your thoughts.

@Blas thats not the problem. if anything its the opposite, i never put it on a pedestal, if the it we are referring to is women themselves. if anything i've been a piece of shit in normal relationships, and more just a manipulative degenerate. but also those were late teens and early adulthood where i was abusing drugs and booze and was a loser all around.

i'm largely not a fan of women at all. i've never enjoyed their company, it was all a means to an end. getting in that delicious fuckhole. outside of that kick rocks i got video games to play you goofy bitch.

but i dunno what i've been feeling lately. i kinda blame it on the ho with the kid, but now other mature broads entering the fray and being cool is messing with me. but again its not so much THEM, as how I have been viewing MYSELF because of how they view me and how we've interacted.

i don't know if any of that makes sense.

3 months ago i was legit happy with life. getting pussy above my station whenever i wished. working. enjoying entertainment, games/shows/media. doing everything i wanted to do. but now its like just a deep hole of depression where i feel like i've wasted the last 5 years

but wasted on WHAT.

like what else would i have done. the obvious thing in my mind is i shouldve bedded down some broad and wifed her and lived the square life. and i feel i'm missing that. but if it wasn't for fucking being exposed to women who have there shit together, are attractive to me, and are attracted to me, i don't think my brain wouldve switched over

also my dick is hard constantly

wtf is happening

i'ma go fuck somebody up

i've already done it before and ruined everything. i was banging my boss who was a lesbian, and moved in with her and her girlfriend while secretly banging her, it was insanity, they fostered dogs and i was breaking up pitbull fights, pretending to give a shit about cosplay her gf was into and my mind was a swirl of insanity as i laid down to sleep not knowing if she was gonna creep in and blow me and let me eat her ass

i lost that job, moved out and cut them out of life, and she got fat and pregnant (a gay dude gave her jizz) and now she's with another dike living fat dike life

then i turned 22

I remember. Lol. Smh.

U are allowed to be successful. Stop denying yourself.

hmm really interesting stuff here, im not sure you should feel you should have a family just bc society says to but i guess you can't help what ur feeling emotionally

but see bags this is where i run into problems.

i'm mentally retarded. but now that my brain is trying to convince me to be a normal human and have normal relations with women, all i see are roadblocks because of everything that led to now.

my plan is to literally continue being friendly. just ignoring texts now and again and slowly fading to the background

but i dunno if i can continue my ways.

its probably just a bad month or so i've been in. but i've been legit in the dumps. can't shake it.

i'm bout to make 3 egg sandwiches and eat them in a bath before i go to sleep at 9 pm contemplating why im even alive

Have you ever been a drug addict? If so...start back if not start now....if you are currently on drugs...do more

Before I look through other post

How do you know they all want to fuck you?

I feel like too much VR porn and blue collar stimulation has made you not realize women aren’t just fuckable NPCs

well there's really no good reason to be alive, anyone who says otherwise is just lying to themselves. try to squeeze the happiness out of whatever you can and reduce suffering as much as possible. lol @ a purpose on this planet, nobody intelligent actually believes that

Uh oh I’d probably read your posts if you didn’t type so damn much

And I want my money back from fantasy football

Lol. Start exercising and eating better. U will feel better. I know ur waiting till ur 30 or whatever the fuck but if u blow ur brains out in the tub before summer because women at your job find you attractive then you may not have the chance?

word. i only ate 2 egg sandwiches.

i'm weening into the diet. excersise wise im just gonna be a fag and do a million pushups, i need to find some type of pullup bar i can install at home as well. so if i don't go through with my plans i can have something strong enough to support my weight when i hang myself

but nah really though i cut out soda completely, just coffee in the morning now and water the rest of the day, and i stopped hitting fast food altogether. it got ridiculous. like 50 bucks a week. wendys/bk/rallys etc. lunch wise im back on my baby spinach salads with turkey and parmesan with italian dressing.
easing into the diet so its easier to commit when 30. just cutting out garbage, but still over eating dinners and random egg sandwiches to drown out feelings

i also just copped a 200 dollar fitbit for no fucking reason other than i can pretend it will help me get in shape, and also because i enjoy the dopamine hit when i get the package delivered notification on my phone

Lol idk why but I feel like everyone initially trys to avoid the gym

I did hundreds of push ups and still have the pull up bar when fat bags was terrorizing the world

Skip it bro. Skip the push ups and pull ups. Ain't gonna do shit for u. At least not alone. They're great to add onto a lifting program or work out but just on their own ur just spinning ur wheels.

Plus u need some cardio to get ur endorphins bumpin and pull u out of ur depression. Get that disgusting heart pumping blood into ur stupid neanderthal brain again.

Word to Fitbit lol....I almost pulled the trigger on one a few times.....gotta get ur steps in! FAGGIT

Nah but yo they monitor your sleep .. that shits fire

This gym requirement I need for school actually makes u buy one so I'll probably get one for that class.

have you ever considered mindless consumerism isn't peak happiness?

Bunch of walls of text I'll never read...

these conflicting forces inside of you are you opening up to love and connection but feeling fear because you know you have much work to do before you deserve it as you're still essentially a pos

stoked about the soda & fast food tho. huge step