DEADMAN, as you were
 

oxytocin and stress

our nightly potion, possessive
cortisol in my breath. smoky repentance, lonely apprentice
waiting for a teacher to call, read me a poem
to change my mind and realign my feelings, evolve
me into something more. something stronger, important
i long for a moment. just a moment of patience
an emotional stasis. penstroke of oasis, where only we made it
helvetica stains upon my webinar pages
teardrop tattoo like i invented this gang shit, death, i renamed it
fetish for facelift, twin identities each second is makeshift
i spent a treasure for a better replacement. let me rephrase
i left heaven for a hell that embraced me. metal to grain
set in my ways. you can tell these wheels are freshly rotated
engineered to only be accessible wasted. as you were
as i've been. embarrassing to wake in a sweat
not remembering anything that i probably said
it's not a regression, i promise in jest, then vomit digestive
grab my wallet and cigarettes off the top of your dresser
craved solitude to carve an incentive
wanted success, sacrificed like all of my friendships
how dark does it get. that's part of the question. swallowing medicine
partially present. mostly lost in his sentiments
alcoholism scented. loving me a costly investment
in love with a goddess and somehow hardly impressed
we all just want somebody to talk to.





dm

You can call me.

You can call me.

Heartfelt and good af drop. Enjoyed the read and could relate to a lot of the shit you're saying here. Depression in a nutshell. Great choice of words and keeping the atmosphere consistent throughout.

helvetica stains upon my webinar pages
teardrop tattoo like i invented this gang shit, death, i renamed it
fetish for facelift, twin identities each second is makeshift

^wetness.

100% relatable content. Stay up Black, we got this.

Thanks man I’m good though.

NYC call me

Wise and objective <3 y’all

Nice drop here. Felt like an emotion driven drop. Flow felt choppy to me but that could be due to the laid out structure of the verse. I like the opening bars.

an emotional stasis. penstroke of oasis, where only we made it
helvetica stains upon my webinar pages

Also that came across smooth. Overall, I mainly have an issue of ths flow of the verse. Definitely like the message and the you stayed with the content well.

Liked 'penstroke of oasis' for its vintage richness

Also:

craved solitude to carve an incentive
wanted success, sacrificed like all of my friendships
how dark does it get. that's part of the question. swallowing medicine
partially present. mostly lost in his sentiments
alcoholism scented.
^Impressive rhyme schemes here, especially alcoholism scented.

this is the good shit.


I really liked some of the vocab tossed around here, too. Not too out there, but on the periphery of commonplace. Relatable and familiar overall. The juxtaposition at the end was a little jarring and somewhat uncharacteristic. Not in a bad way, it just drew the eye.

keep writing