Topical Battle Verse (Walking Keys No-Showed)
 

Every sailman worth his sea salt ‘round these plottin’ parts
s’heard the tale o’ Percy Spigot spoke on how he lost his arm.
Now the one you hardly hear mere meagre-missives map
is why the scoundrel of a shark was so pleased to give it back!
The deep and dismal dank water danced its dirty dalliance
as he steered a ship o’ scavengers to snag the scurvy scallion.
A panicked Percy parroted his pirate picaroons
in commandin’ curtly “Capture it!” to his crisis of a crew.
The tiniest intumescence twitched to tip-off the thugs
where to find the fin-ished fugitive, as he was missin’ his hook!
Our limbering lummox’s lefthand leaderlessly leaned
but The Spigot’s were some o’ the saltiest the seas had ever seen.
The treason of a thief’s thought worthy of tanking in tar
that beggared a breeze-breathers beliefs, be ‘em man or a shark!
Staggering starboard, Spigot spied a soupfin in the distance
and had an armed ambling army attempt somethin’ akin to assistance.
“Flay that fish into fishlets!” came the Captain’s caterwaul
as they sought to sink the submissive, casting crashin’ cannonballs.
His blasted battle call brought it back firmly an’ full o’ force
as it jammed its jagged jaws into their journeyman juggernaut.
The murderous muddlewart struck the side of the ship
as a third of them tumbled t’ward an abrupt almighty abyss.
Some had sized up the sinister shark to settle the score
puttin’ pride before principle, but a brain’s better than brawn!
The cleverest corsairs clambered the crows nest
or delved the bedaubed depths while the bandits had both legs.
The anchorous auld enemies eyed each other earnestly
in a challenge to coalesce who’d the brighter blood of burgundy.
The silence of the scurvy sea-shark screeched into a scourge of a sound
prising up its pearly piercing teeth that masked a merciless mouth.
Percy then pounced to pilfer his hook, not noticing the terrible trap,
as the shark surged with its snout - havin’ saved the best until last!



FIN!

Impressive command of language with some cool, spunky seafarer's alliteration. I can tell you've been reading some Charles Dickens or Robert Louis Stevenson... if not, what're you waitin' for, phaggot? Jp.

His blasted battle call brought it back firmly an’ full o’ force
as it jammed its jagged jaws into their journeyman juggernaut.
^This was very tough. I always liked the word 'juggernaut' - so cool and it has the ring of an old English word with sustained relevance.

I liked the idea of the men on the ship being in a 'crow's nest' and this evoked a cool image of chaos unfolding in that cramped space during a crisis moment. As you suggested, 'a crisis of a crew'. Looks like the shark also came to claim the man's second juicy jukebox of a joker's jangling jackhammer arm.

lmao this alliteration was fire

forgot I wrote it

Sucked thx dude and not even rlly a troll joke eithe cuz I couldn’t get thru the first few lines of olde English even tho it’s on purpose etc.

U want real feed gimme a week or three on the hiatus I’ll never take

K but as I told ur Irish pupil this site is now on battle mode. And crazy sOsmula shit audio so yeah. Next plz