mercy me
 

so

i've become what we had
feared the most, expected at times
Marquette & 79th, my treasure to find
Western Union me a breakfast to dine on
camel smoke and a smile, coke in a vial
stoned denial, roll my Denali over median, watch
driver's side window spiderweb like Wilbur & Charlotte
figure it out, she says. we sit in heavy decay
shelf-life evaporated powderkegs we stored in our basement
for a rainy day, if we relate it's moments at best
i grabbed your throat and asked a question, did you ever respect me
sweat glands oil lantern light woodpanel the wall
dreamt destroying each utility you paid to install
candelabras smoking, their flames are neglected
i've wept appreciating this dramatic effect
the world is stages, pages, patience, latent repressed
take your shot, make it count. hope it kills me or better
yet, ends it all for certain. mercy me, what a ride
i'm only here to paint a wall and stare at it dry





dm

wow! really good. the part where you grabbed her neck was pretty hot. choke her.driving over medians in nice vehicles is always bournesque, and in that medium i applaud you. definitely dropping a reference of such sort next time. except mine will have a trailblazer or a saturn. i sometimes get super confused when you get concise, to the point where intensity meets overwhelming detail. oil lanter wood panel fire cracking sweat gland vichyssoise. just too much to process for my outdated pentium brain. very cool though! i have many qualms but of course this is all set to the side because the goods are very good and the mishaps... are bound to happen. nobody is 500/500 at the free throw line. i'll try to drop a piece

candelabras smoking as their flames are neglected
i've wept appreciating this dramatic effect
the world is stages, pages, patience, latent repressed

yes.

what would you be without a mention of decay? motifs can become trite over time, as entropy envelops, but mutability/constancy is something we can always observe. this was pithy, treading a thin line between opaque and unequivocal.

and hey you never revisited my piece you fuckhead but i lost count of mutual feedback years ago so don't bother.

i've become what we had
feared the most, expected at times
Marquette & 79th, my treasure to find
Western Union me a breakfast to dine on
camel smoke and a smile, coke in a vial
stoned denial, roll my Denali over median, watch
driver's side window spiderweb like Wilbur & Charlotte

The line break at the beginning is a deadman specialty. Myself and other people who peruse the OM are conditioned to read each line like a complete thought. Or, better said, we're so used to the typical OM piece doing such. And you're so known for these beautiful non-sequiturs that someone jumping into this piece reads the first line and begins chewing on it, mulling over what it means for a single person to become what a couple had. But it's an unfinished sentence that continues. A use of form and punctuation. It's not in service of a rhyme so it all seems intentional. And it's a normal thought. Discussions about fears between two people, and the 'as expected' both undercuts the ghost of this relationship and hints at the general tone, which is past the point of acceptance and into the examination. Then the cross street and 'my treasure to find', which means nothing to me but a reference, but obviously has personal meaning, which flavors the broader, more relatable emotion you're emphasizing. Which works, to make the work more human. The simple Charlotte's Web simile would get an eye roll check, but you embed it in the same thought that was kicked off by the streets, weaving it together with the noticeable ampersand connection.

figure it out, she says. we sit in heavy decay
shelf-life evaporated powderkegs we stored in our basement
for a rainy day, if we relate it's moments at best
i grabbed your throat and asked a question, did you ever respect me
sweat glands oil lantern light woodpanel the wall
dreamt destroying each utility you paid to install
candelabras smoking as their flames are neglected
i've wept appreciating this dramatic effect
the world is stages, pages, patience, latent repressed
take your shot, make it count. hope it kills me or better
yet, ends it all for certain. mercy me, what a ride
i'm only here to paint a wall and stare at it dry

'Shelf life' to 'respect me' was the highlight of this, to me. The powderkeg thought/lines is just a great way of wording that idea. How you can feel safe in the present with someone because you know the future is bright, and if it isn't bright, you have the reserve(s) to fight through anything. But of course that's not true. Then the transition from this metaphysical wordplay abruptly into something intimately physical is great. A snap back into focus. I liked the dramatic effect line the most out of the ending after that section, but the last three lines were strong as well.

Just really good. I had read and enjoyed too many of your pieces without commenting. Thanks for the read.

you rhyme good

You have a real JL vibe to your pieces, not sure if you spit that fast but yeah...whole joint is quotable tbh.

A lot shorter than your previous work, which I like...compacted sweet.

Stay you Black.

..that mercialago

Closer was very nice. It was good to read some of your shit again.

I felt like all the lines prior to this one you've already written a 1,000x over in a 1,000 different ways. But that's okay, because I primarily came into this thread searching for a lone piece of brilliance such as what is quoted above.

Cool.

You're good at this thing that you do. Your writing makes no sense. Yet, so much sense. It's telepathic storytelling that explains the unexplainable ups and downs of a bygone relationship that so many of us often time have such a hard time trying to articulate. The content is cumbersome. Yet, refreshing. I hate and dig it. You're a beast. Just keep on keeping on. Peace.

hey dead u don't make sense u r dumb but also a genius also i hate u because i r retarded. but somehow u can build a rocket ship out of recycled car parts, you idiot i love you einstein. also my comments are basically hr lines but i don't get them i on y understand them sometimes never always. u r very good af writing but ur writing is not writing it is mostly coughed up recycled garbage that i love and refine to make sculptures of art in my center paragraphs hall of fame. also ur insanely attractive for such a dull looking person that i've never seen sometimes when ur invisible. i love u. no

stfu

You sound hurt.

dis betwen bb b deadman the clowun

Ok. Fair enough. But ... cheer up.

Hello, Dead Man. I enjoyed this piece, allow me to leave it feed-back..lol...

Good work on mostly a lot of things here. Your word association is always top notch here..with lots of cool word combinations and verbiage use. Your imagery is also pretty cool and slick, rhyme schemes are nice, flow was niche'. Nice one, man. I enjoy the 'mercy me' play on things - kind of a nice way to play on things; - that you don't really want to end your life at all really..you're having too much fun..lol..but this was cool and fresh. Nice one, man. I enjoyed the read, props! Good work..keep writing...!