A Daughter's Farewell...Part II.
 

Girl wanna stroll out of bounds though
Lucifer lusts she brings heat,
Like it's him on the down low
breakin' apart Earth's crust with his feats

She then says...

"You are nothin',
but a puppet with strings
Disruption is one thing
but you will never corrupt my beliefs"
As she exits the church
in such a hurry to leave,
Mind battles play onwards
Every devil is heard,
With an abundance of ease
Every sentence is worded like a troubled ass teen
Tryna get in touch with their so out of it parents whom are strugglin' to see
"I'm not copin' here mom, I really miss Dad...
Please let me be with these wrists that I've slit & reminisce over feelings less sad".

Perfect sequence to part one.
I really enjoyed both of these.

Iokay i liked these lines the structure was a bit weird what with the abab rhyme scheme not kind of the standard om structure er whatever but the lines were good so it was a decent piece good for you...

Good looks y'all...

I liked this, 2trip lol... abab... not standard OM structure... gtfo...

I liked this Exis. Cool drop.

Thanks bro, & thanks for destroyin' me in the BAL lol...Kudos man.

Cool. And cheesy at times. The closer made.me cringe. For one it was waayyyyy toooo.wordy. for.2 its just so cliche.

The rest was good though. I understand ur style now a little better which makes ur work easier to read. Keep it up. Try to avoid the wordy bars. Think it would help tbh

Lol @ cheesy...

I get excited by words sometimes, try to fit so much shit in2 a bar...my bad.

Appreciate the feed @Genocide...I'm gettin' there, yeah?

Sorry, but I seem to remember (a long time ago) reading a 16 from you where you had perfect cadence and the same scheme all 16 lines; so compared to that it's hard for me to think this Part I or Part II is anything great.

Girl wanna stroll out of bounds though
Lucifer lusts she brings heat,
Like it's him on the down low
breakin' apart Earth's crust with his feats

not feelin it bro. like i said i've set your own bar too high.