Netcees - The Struggle is Real.

I lack drive and motivation. No determination..
My only aspiration is to face my termination
because every turn I'm takin..I'm turning into satan.
Not like he is him..It's like I'm turning into satan..
The more mistakes I'm makin, the more I fear and hate em..
The points that point against me..there's just no way to debate em.
My name has been disgraced 'n...I lost my fuckin' place in..
My family and life..it's sorta like the ice I'm skatin
is about to crack and cave in. There's no way I can save it..
My heart and all my guts are spilled and layin on the pavement..
But they're just getting trampled on. Laughter in my face. It's like my bills are late and I just ain't been makin all the payments
So now they're in collection. I'm bleeding in the trenches..
Im pleading to meet death and I just hope for resurrection
Cause there's only one direction.The only way I'm headin..
Straight into and ending that's the exit of despression..
I've only been regressin'. Been lonely and a mess n
I been fightin it to lighten it but I don't have a weapon.
The ammos stacked against me. It's loaded and it's deadly..
My fam is rollin on me and the pressure's gettin heavy..
Didn't have a chance to save it. Have a chance to change it..
Was kept from me for months. She built it up to make the changes..
And suddenly it changes. It's like we're fucking strangers..
She clubbin while she's unaware the depth of all these dangers..
I've wept and I've been angered. I begged 'er and I've nagged 'er...
I can try to build a front but in my back are all the daggers..
But to her it doesn't matter. A dozen years and after..
A kid and all the laughter everything in me is shattered..
I ain't pickin up the pieces.There's nothing left to mend..
Googled how to tie a noose and I won't leave any loose ends.
Bad part is it's considered. More often on the daily.
Even though I know I shouldn't I can't figtht the thought. I'm failing.