Dojo Flow: Practice Makes Perfect
 

Ayo ...

I'm a hazard to their health cos I'm so savage when I belch
They can smell sulfuric acid in the gases I exhale
Bet them bastards better bail before I crack em at the bell
With a jab that's so propelled it smacks the black off Dave Chapelle
Go-go-gadget catch these 'L's cos you trash and lame as hell
Bitch my bank'll break the scale, cos my cake so overweight
It's like I baked and ate Adele, bitch I'll blaze you wit these shells
And spray ya brains on ya lapels with a janky twelve guage
And granades I made myself then leave you fatally impaled
Or stank 'n hangin from a rail in the Chainsaw basement or an East Malaysian cell
With a belt around ya neck for tryna plagiarize and sell my amazing rhymes & tales
To a basehead clientele, cos the flow so fuckin dope Ronald Reagan's sullen ghost'll
Prolly raise up out of Hell and tell em take me off the shelf ... welp.

I'm done.

The multis are crazy man. Especially the flow

LMAO....


I'm a hazard to their health cos I'm so savage when I belch
They can smell sulfuric acid in the gases I exhale
Bet them bastards better bail before I crack em at the bell
With a jab that's so propelled it smacks the black off Dave Chapelle..The flow and the way it was sooo smooth...----LOL...SELF I don't even know what to say...You might be my favorite topical writer... at least in my top 3 maybe number 1. I know this wasn't a topical but damn dude...The Chapelle line was fucking fire. The way you set it up with the flow was pretty much perfect. Ate Adele? Thats my type of shit ask CHAIN lol...."And grenades I made myself" that flow and the rhyme structure....uggghh...Was flawless...I miss shit like that...

"hen leave you fatally impaled
Or stank 'n hangin from a rail in the Chainsaw basement or an East Malaysian cell
With a belt around ya neck for tryna plagiarize and sell my amazing rhymes & tales
To a basehead clientele, cos the flow so fuckin dope Ronald Reagan's sullen ghost'll
Prolly raise up out of Hell and tell em take me off the shelf ... welp"---AHHH the structure and the internal rhyming ..you killed it....killer lines...love this drop from you cus you stepped out of your comfort zone and basically killed it.....thank you for the motivation to write again..
"

This is dope 10/10

Only criticism is I wish it was longer

Ex: "you my boy BLU" lol

Good looking out peoples. Thanks for the feed.

Hiya

The 'welp' ruins this. Your affectations distract and detract from your writing. The schemes were okay, nothing truly innovative. Solid piece.

I think you get too wrapped up into some mathematical illusion of what a scheme is suppose to entail. I rhymed nearly every word and syllable in a streamlined fashion with absolutely no drop off in flow. Maybe you read my stuff in your head sometimes. If so, you're missing the magic of what I do. Try reading it aloud or uttered under breath. It becomes a completely different experience. In any case, thanks for the read and the feed. Although, I disagree with the assessment here. I do, however, sincerely appreciate your time and consideration nonetheless, and respect your opinion. Good looking out, Pan.

Actually

Since this is a dojo thread maybe you're trying to challenge/push me? Hmmmmmmmmm. I'll be back with an upgraded scheme.

Lol.

I caught every rhyme, and recognized/picked up the "flow" of the piece no problem. It wasn't rocket science. I was even able to do this without lighting a candle in the middle of a dark library and speaking it aloud in hushed tones. I'm not just skimming pieces and writing random opinions for feed. Read it multiple times. Unlocked the God Tier Inception-Level schemes after decades of quiet practice. The rhymes were solid, the piece was solid. But I stand by saying it wasn't some crazy tour de force of technical skill. Savage when I belch is awful. EVEN IF the scheme was creative, which it wasn't, the rhymes were all tired. The content was standard fare. It takes some amount of skill to write something like this but I just react a bit when you have all these people gassing you up with 10/10's and OMGZ GOAT for a pared down swag and flow joint. This suffers the same thing as your topical do. The technical magical wizardry you claim to have doesn't cover up the milquetoast content that would be innovative in a bygone era. Everything seems out of time and these random people with Z and misplaced capital letters in their name all seem like 15 year old Eminem stans or something. Its repulsive really. If you want an uninterrupted feed of random fuckoffs saying you're the best open mic writer on the site I'll stop feeding your pieces, since every time I post something less than glowing you have some dumbass retort. Japanese Whiskey was good. There ya go. Maybe I'm focusing too much on the math. Or maybe I'm just missing your magic. Lol.

You seem angry lol.

But, nah, that's just all you've been wanting to say for a while now. I'm glad you finally got it off your chest. A relief I'm sure. But your opinion is your opinion. I could retort it for days. Even pick apart every flaw and inconsistency I'v seen and read in your own writing. But it be all for not. No traction or resolution would ever be gained from it. Neither one of us would concede to the others perspective. However, I will say this. After reviewing a hefty amount of your work I've yet to read anything from you that makes me feel like you're somehow a superior writer to me in the context of this topical and/or open mic thing that we do. But maybe you and a very small percentage of ppl would disagree. Regardless, you do come off or often pretend to be some sort of ultimate authority on the matter. But what are your credentials? Who are you, Pan? Who am I? Lol. This is all so subjective. My objective is to entertain, which I feel I do quite often. Maybe you have a different m.o.? You no doubt have a Pulitzer in the mail, this I'm sure of. But, yeah, I'll just continue do me. The majority of members here and every other site I post on seem to like it. But, you can't please everyone. Thus is life. Thanks for your unique insight, Pan. Keep reading, bro. Peace.

Not angry at all. Your ego, contrasted with your bland writing, is pretty funny to me. Have a good one champ.

Yet, you read all of my stuff. Lol.

And "bland"?

First off, I would have mopped you in that AWOL season you won.
Secondly, your mechanics and technical skills are borderline wack. Although, maybe you've improved them over the last few years?
Thirdly, the only good thing about your writing is that it's descriptive (although, often it's overly and to a fault).
Lastly, for all your novel-esque phrasing and wording your verses are still devoid of entertainment, trite, long winded as hell and boring to read. Your words lack soul. You can write. Technically. But, nothing about your writing is original. Just a bunch of rehashed concepts you ripped from novels and films and struggled to make the words fit in a rhyming formate. Say what you want about my writing, but "bland"???? Coming from you???lol. Pan-man just stop. You're a snooze of a writer with an ego that you don't deserve.

Okay, and now that we've insulted each other I'm willing to put our differences aside, make amends and be friends. What do you say, pal ... can we do it?

Yeah bland. You write like 2004 textcee. Centered verses, font play, and eye roll inducing onomonopia. Your writing is the very definition of bland. Boring stories with twists that try so hard to be clever. Rote rhyming with no ingenuity or uniqueness. But most all, you dont say anything at all. There's no there there. Are you projecting? Because every one of your complaints is applicable to your shit writing. And that's fine, there are plenty of below average writers. But it's your fascination with yourself and your ego that makes it all unbearable. You've written one half good piece yet you trash the open mic with dozens of half baked nonsense.

Congratulations on beating me in the AOWL. I will literally give you my accomplishment for as much as I care about that.

I read most everything in the open mic, whether I feed it or not. Which is kind of lame. Almost as lame as getting so buttmad that you read through the archives for ammo against the one person not blowing smoke up your ass in OM.

I don't consider myself some great writer, like you do, so the criticism doesn't bother me, and I will take it into consideration.

This is a fun flirt btw.

Well, I won't even bother reading any of that. You have such an asshole persona online that I almost like you. We should a have beer one day and shoot the shit. In any case, I'm done with arguing over some shit I literally do as a hobby. I'm sure you're done with it too. Be easy, fam. Keep reading and feeding and whenever you post something I'll return the favor. Until then...stay real. Peace.

Thx for saying I have novel-esque phrasing

I can't deny that you do. Props.

v/ pancake

Hate vote.

Your days are numbered!