There Will Be Blood
 

Preferred reading: NC Dark
https://i.imgur.com/zg3Lznz.jpg
Rooted deep within the heart of a dense and suffocating jungle, lies the jovial city of Ximoul
Which has a copious amount of ceremonial mounds & temple style pyramids that cover its grounds
that are surrounded by sequoia-sized trees for at least a couple hundred Mesotopian miles

"Tik'Owl, it's time to go to the mountain!"

Proudly shouted my father in a sonorous tone, as he pounded the gravel towards the capital's dome
A stone castle that saddles a geographical throne, where the king & his council greet the scouts coming home

"I can't wait to see Eagle, Talon, Falcon and Crow."

The noble names of my brothers who are stoic and bold and once heroicly showed
their gallantry in battle when they challenged a drove of Zototecian soliders on the Olmezian Coast
My father carried a bow made of ebony oak, a precious weapon bestowed by the head of his post ...
for being epically known as the deadliest foe that his regiment posed

"Is that a present for Crow?"
"No, it's present for you."

He sarcastically jokes, as I capture the view of botanical gardens & cascading stoops
The capital woo's with magnificent sights, due to opulent beauty and ubiquitous light

A stupendous supply of items to purchase; "Come and pick you a knife"
chimes a one eyed merchant. There are furniture pieces
with gorgeous designs, plus sculptures of idols and ointments to buy.
There's corn and there's rye and enormous assortments of imported spice.
There's crocodile hides and jewelry that's fine and fabulous fabrics
embroidered and dyed for affordable prices; nothing short of enticing.
But a sordid suprise soon spoils our visit and soils our eyes.
The deplorable sight is horribly timed and a morbid misfortune
that tortures our minds. My brothers' dead bodies are slumped over shoulders
of soliders in pain, as the blood from their wounds is mixed with the paints
that drips from their faces, lacerations in places like slits on their backs
and rips on their waists, from melee attacks. The Aztecas are crazy
and brazenly act -- they hacked and they slashed with razor sharp glass
attached to the bats and paddles they crafted like axes then swung
and flung at my brothers with brashness, "MY SONS ...

were suppose to come home & one was to marry
now instead of a wedding my sons will be buried!"

My father is very stricken with grief, but his warrior spirit insist that they bleed
He clenches his teeth and balls up his fist then emphaticly speaks what he means to inflict

"Their heads will be severed and stuck on a spike
and I'll bathe in the blood of their babies and wives.
Cut the hearts out their chests & I'll feed em to dogs
and rip armies apart with my jaguar paws.
Shoot elders with arrows I poisoned with frogs
and burn shelters to ashes and hellfire smog!"

Inspired by vengeance the bloodthirsty Moon eclipses the Sun as I rally the troops
As Mayans such violence is sacrificial & this sign from the gods says it's time we produce ...

BLOOD

Toptical battle verse written to the picture

cool i dig it

You are so knowledgeable, Liked the entire piece
Especially the last part in red
Post more the abominable Emcee With fiery frees
Despite rumors Hip hop is not dead
Also the big descriptive words
Remind me of a speech from distinquished Lords

Thanks for the read and feed Dark and Broken. I'm glad you guys dug it.

this reads like a few people here, vulgar, nyc, lars at times, a bit of soulstice and such. cool, piece. i generally dislike and disregard anything story driven to a picture. just can't get behind it i guess. but i liked the way this developed and was written. pretty much a decent grasp on various elements. the intersectional transition is good, too. thanks


the one thing i notice about your writing is that, you fragment your rhyming so that it catches on to the reader and quickly dispose of it with dialogue, or progression of topic (yeah, what you're supposed to do) my qualm is that it almost happens to frequently or too consecutively. it's cool, and it's good. but, i feel it's tiring; i mean atleast for me. the references to places, tribes and such is a nice touch too. but it begs to be said, that these places are never explored in depth, of course the imagery can explain some of it, a quick google search and such. but, i feel that it isn't expanded enough, and with good measure. i don't think, expanding on those references would be beneficial to the topic, but it always seems a bit.... lazy isn't the word, but almost overdone to a point. you made it work here, yes, but it's less of a relatable topic and moreso a t'all tale meant to be read as a story with very little emotional connection, and just. a brazen display of imagery overdone to a tee. it's good, but you get where I'm going with this.



on the other hand i liked what you did. with a technical perspective, you pretty much explored the story and explained it adequately. what I'm saying is, idk if it's interesting, grabbing, or sufficient in keeping a reader wanting more. it's more of an essay done for school, and here's some literary techniques applied to it. hope i get an A- type stuff. good but, not intriguing so to say. if that's what you were aiming for, then great. you do have a solid grasp on mechanics, it notijg really wowed me. the imagery was cool, the constant reminder of the environment were in, cool. but nothing, was like, wow this was extremely high leveled writing. this is great to read.5!8/ is expression and technique in one. this just seemed like target practice. a 1 hour workout. protein shake and sit-ups. didn't seem like a full circuit body workout, and a nap in the ice bath. but overall, cool. thanks

editing for an in depth commentary on original post

Thanks for the reply and cool.