New Years Roast of Zelph
 

Same rules as always, 10 lines max

Winner gets an accomp

Last week's winner announced in the mag

https://i.imgur.com/IeUmsyv.jpg

and it's off to the races, in ya pic, this prick's wack and cocky
no matter how you spin it, you gay in the disc, and dress like a faggot jockey
you got lopsided nostrils, you know it's over for yah brotha
looks like you snort coke with one, and the soda in the other
stop frontin, a social life is suttin you never able to do
I checked your background, you'll ask for a table for two but it'll end up a table for U
gamble with your life, I come hunt you till you die
get shells in yah shirt, you won't be alive to celebrate another 3 hunned and sixty five

U gamble n fail, i put my money up cause wrath can tell..
I'll Bet365 days pass and you'll still be wack as hell
2017 done tag n bag it, we celebrating across the planet
U probably ready for the ball to drop too... straight into ur mouth faggot
Yo lines is cringey and quite dumb... nobody care what u write son
Only time U got read bars is all up in between the white ones
Ya style is a hot mess... this a robbery not theft
N if i catch any lip from you I'm taking the last one that you got left
Figured we should just shoot it out cause u would never fight a nigga
I pull the trigger and leave a red blotch in the background... kinda like this picture

Please tell me this isn't life. It's obvious this pigeon's division is light
a member of the Swiss International Seafood Fingering Team & also a shrimp in real life
Never deliverin pipe. Now I'll leave this virgin mauled & stapled
I find it hilarious u stole a Dollar Store sunglass rack & used it to decorate the Wal-Mart table
Nice Orc impression. Trust me ya'll this disgraceful fag is a goner
I don't know what's worse: the outfit, rape stare, or that fact they dangled your face in a vat of piranhas
Is that how u dress to attend soccer games? Do u feel that it's sexy?
Nobody's yelling "TEAM BARCELONA!" they're only wondering why your grill is so Messi
Now don't get me wrong, I don't have to gawk at your complexion
U got those shoes at Marshalls & complained about a defect. They just thought u were projecting

tradition can get fucked, wives tales and all of that gay shit
if i judged u by the shoes u wear, it'd justify all the times i called u a faggot
ur mom should be ashamed and she deserves to get offed
I'm gonna soccer in the mouth for raising a pansy with no fuckin balls
real men watch hockey, but violence is something this fag only fears
the wrinkle send zelph into hiding, bet.. no matter which day of the year

Listen Zelph, don’t listen to anybody who’s over here dissin you
All that red, white, red, white, has these fake patriots feelin blue
Your hometown knows you’ve got hoes. Yet NCs thinks it’s a joke
But as soon as you snatched Aero’s main piece the whole city was Stoked
12 grapes in my cup, never laid hands on a drug
I’ll brb with the rest

The yaaaaaasss tag leaned me

Amazing that Charlie Puths eyebrow is a survivor in Sicily!
Props this Ginny is the fastest Gondola rider in Italy
A rejected extra in Sopranos, won’t ever start with me
Confused idiot didn’t understand a crossdresser party
Edited out the embarrassing parts???but we still see ya!
Meet the sales marketing manager for Vinnys pizzeria
Anyone taking designer tips from him should call the police
Mario here got Grandmas spicerack for a centerpiece
Did they shrink your bottom half to fit the screen?
You looked like a wiseguy... up until you wore skinnyjeans

girls? FB's afraid to approach

U nevaa put names in ya phone or took 1 date to ur home
When ur backs against da wall? No choice, u're eating at that table alone
Bet 365 days inna row u lonely mate; fuckk ya poker face
Jockey? a strap to ya neck'll cap ya head to finish yo little pony race
Pants chaffin the nards; to say he's gay no hasty remark
Ain't tha fashion police but their clutch on ya jewels just raises alarms
Lookin like freak Waldo ina cheap condo, shit is a bust
Such'a struggle to find his lip it even makes those nostrils wrench in disgust.
An them red splotches r mad wack, whatchu tryna mask jack?
Sick scheme - stomp ur face into the floor tile til it matches the backsplash

I thought I told u..

Whatcha hiding FB? Just sit here & cherish the glam, bro
This'a saucey pic... left from ya wings to hide ya embarrassing ammo
Bruh, I was finna ta slay. But since ya act'n all feminine, hey...
Funny how he wanted a shot of things in the closet & u ironically get'n the way
As he acts all lean & models, suffocation/lack of breathin follows
Cuz his pants got'a submission on him- We'll call them Jeans Machado
I'm ruthless, stop. Meanwhile you're looking like'a dofus jock
Couldn't ride my wave even w.those banana boat of some shoes u got
U'ra coke user. But buried in snow, they hv naan a chance
W.those ski slope shoes, u could hit twirls & flips whiles escapin an avalanche

Damn with that tight shirt FB in here lookin’ real… real damn nerdy
Ya girl supposed to steal your hoodie fam, u not supposed to steal her jersey
You really livin your bars though! FB gender claim guessed
Ya verses don’t entertain readers, n table says you don’t entertain guests
Hair lookin’ like a lego man, but facts FB you lookin’ slender here!
Just wish someone told you GQ ain’t an abbreviation for Gender Queer
Got ya mom helpin ya pull on ya jeans, the type to get bullied with ease
Shirt says “I like playin with balls” n the rest of ya look fully agrees
You look like an ad campaign for the friend zone, damn curses
Got a whole rack full of spices but nothing to help ya bland verses

Orc got you to give a pic, what an unfair trick
I haven't seen such a shitty stitch-up since whoever fixed your hare-lip
Your striped shirt got people asking "Where's Waldo?"
Judging by the saddest table in the world, nobody ever found you though
Seriously, I wanted to threaten your loved ones with aggression
But your life's clearly already emptier than your vacant expression
I can tell Zelph is thrifty, his fashion provides the clues
Wearing his little sister's jeans and shirt, and his gramp's hairstyle and shoes
You've edited out anything that might earn battlers' curses
Being red-out hides the weak crap in your home... and reveals it in your verses