Netcees - bleak vs Plot

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- NBL Season 11: The Office (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=244)

- - bleak vs Plot - PLOT WINS (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126419)

bleak vs Plot - PLOT WINS

Netcees Battle League: The Legends Edition

Rules

Due Dates:

Verses are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit:

Minimum of 8, maximum of 16
If not agreed upon, second drop must match length of the first.

Check ins are encouraged but not mandatory. Also, swaying/biting/recycling is a DQ

FAILURE TO VOTE ON 3 BATTLES IS A DQ. NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE!!! YOU WILL BE DISQUALIFIED. VOTE ON 3 BATTLES OR YOU LOSE. SIMPLE!

@bleak. @Plot

10

sup I'm bleak. Now grown, still jotting w/ a lot of honesty
Done a bit of learning, while you still the same fgt getting bodied on a key
And if he's running, Carson smashed between them Cali kids.
You aint wrote a verse since Romo's hurt, ain't won no ships since Dallas did.
Botch his body into chopped bits, his thot bitch can rot w/ him.
The fun stops when blood clots, now >this is where the Plot thickens.
Return of Kane, laying Tombstones. The heat is hard to brave
They been waiting on my entrance back..
&you know I'm bout to blaze you when my arms are raised
Flame till Ash catches, a softly spoken Chandelure you out to dire bleakness.
&this'll heat metal. A dance w/ THE Devil, ur a Bug Trainer w/a fire weakness.

Aiight so...

When blasting with gats, your skins torn-up ugly like Barc'ers tatts..
& the subnose ripping apart your chest cant be a shark-attack.
This barking mad aussies fucking larking on you just for the novelty,
Spack for life! Me& my abos'll jack your ride, now that's a Corroboree!
Fuckin Bleak! thinking he's a gassed-up giant, but dude couldn't be stupider,
With all his goons floating around him like they're the moons of Jupiter.
But truer shit is Bleaks a fat lesbian, that stays beating the wife with venom,
And I'd cholera victim, but that would throw shade on the strife in Yemen.
Me beating youse easy mate, testament to ya namesake: a bleak existence,
Winning this fucking battle was a simple as taking the line of least resistance.

google if you need to

sup I'm bleak. Now grown, still jotting w/ a lot of honesty
Done a bit of learning, while you still the same fgt getting bodied on a key
not feelin this one
And if he's running, Carson smashed between them Cali kids.
You aint wrote a verse since Romo's hurt, ain't won no ships since Dallas did.
not a fan of this
Botch his body into chopped bits, his thot bitch can rot w/ him.
The fun stops when blood clots, now >this is where the Plot thickens.
ok i can dig it
Return of Kane, laying Tombstones. The heat is hard to brave
They been waiting on my entrance back..
&you know I'm bout to blaze you when my arms are raised
not feelin it
Flame till Ash catches, a softly spoken Chandelure you out to dire bleakness.
&this'll heat metal. A dance w/ THE Devil, ur a Bug Trainer w/a fire weakness.
sorry bro not diggin it

vs

When blasting with gats, your skins torn-up ugly like Barc'ers tatts..
& the subnose ripping apart your chest cant be a shark-attack.
subnose tho? if you're trying to use it as a homonym type punch (subnose/snubnose) that won't work
This barking mad aussies fucking larking on you just for the novelty,
Spack for life! Me& my abos'll jack your ride, now that's a Corroboree!
not a fan of this
Fuckin Bleak! thinking he's a gassed-up giant, but dude couldn't be stupider,
With all his goons floating around him like they're the moons of Jupiter.
not a fan...
But truer shit is Bleaks a fat lesbian, that stays beating the wife with venom,
And I'd cholera victim, but that would throw shade on the strife in Yemen.
ok this was better
Me beating youse easy mate, testament to ya namesake: a bleak existence,
Winning this fucking battle was a simple as taking the line of least resistance.
not diggin it

have one bar i liked from each, but i thought the cholera was the better bar. Going with Plot here. Twas close.

v/ plot

Quote:

Originally Posted by bleak (Post 630257)

10

sup I'm bleak. Now grown, still jotting w/ a lot of honesty
Done a bit of learning, while you still the same fgt getting bodied on a key

^^^ Kind of self hype, not much sting but still a little jab if it's true (getting beat by keystyles)

And if he's running, Carson smashed between them Cali kids.
You aint wrote a verse since Romo's hurt, ain't won no ships since Dallas did.

^^^ Was okay. Not sure if he's from Dallas or a Cowboys fan but bar was okay

Botch his body into chopped bits, his thot bitch can rot w/ him.
The fun stops when blood clots, now >this is where the Plot thickens.

^^^ Meh. Flow was smooth. I get the 2 deaths/burial plot/name play connection here but could have been executed a bit better. Still pretty good

Return of Kane, laying Tombstones. The heat is hard to brave
They been waiting on my entrance back..
&you know I'm bout to blaze you when my arms are raised

^^^ Was never a fan of the 3 bar punch. Feels like you just weren't sure how to word it. I actually liked the set-up and punch here. Only issue is I JUST read two punches almost identical (one was Undertaker) and they were better done. If I read this without those it would have probably been cooler.

Flame till Ash catches, a softly spoken Chandelure you out to dire bleakness.
&this'll heat metal. A dance w/ THE Devil, ur a Bug Trainer w/a fire weakness.

^^^ Pokemon bars were played out for quite a while. But I haven't seen one in a while so fuck it bring 'em back. That said I thought it was worded weird like you wrote the punch first then tried to squeeze in wordplay after

Overall - My "critique" seems harsh. But overall I did like the verse. There was nothing really BAD about it, just ways it could have been better to me. Good shit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plot (Post 630811)

Aiight so...

When blasting with gats, your skins torn-up ugly like Barc'ers tatts..
& the subnose ripping apart your chest cant be a shark-attack.

^^^ Haven't seen the tattoo. When I don't know personals I assume they're true for the sake of the bar (I mean why not, we rate gun/horrorcore bars as if they're reality) I think I saw reference in another battle that he has teeth tattooed, so the set-up works with the punch. Not sure if subnose misspelling was intentional to try and fit with the shark/water theme, if so it doesn't work imo. Snubnose works fine, not every word has to be themed imo.

This barking mad aussies fucking larking on you just for the novelty,
Spack for life! Me& my abos'll jack your ride, now that's a Corroboree!

^^^ This took me a few reads and a couple trips to Google. Not familiar with the Aussie lingo. Once I had the pieces and read through it again this is actually fire.

Fuckin Bleak! thinking he's a gassed-up giant, but dude couldn't be stupider,
With all his goons floating around him like they're the moons of Jupiter.

^^^ Meh. The word stupider made me cringe a bit, and the punch felt soft.

But truer shit is Bleaks a fat lesbian, that stays beating the wife with venom,
And I'd cholera victim, but that would throw shade on the strife in Yemen.

^^^ Made me do the screw face. I think venom was thrown in for the sake of the rhyme, but it does work in context and the punch was bonkers. Current event + wordplay + sting is a dope combo.

Me beating youse easy mate, testament to ya namesake: a bleak existence,
Winning this fucking battle was a simple as taking the line of least resistance.

^^^ Again this seemed a smidgen on the lazy side. Plus I've only heard "path of least resistance" so seeing the word line there tripped me up.

google if you need to

Overall - Only a couple bars that I thought you could have done without, and even then they were fine. But a couple bars I thought were dope and the one I listed being stellar.

I think both brought it to the battle, both had entertaining bars but have to give it to Plot for having the bigger haymakers.

Bleak: nothin

Vs

Plot: cholera was dope. Everything else was bad

Overall: boring battle, plot coulda put more time into his verse for sure. He’s got bars but eh, this was keyed

V/ plot

sup I'm bleak. Now grown, still jotting w/ a lot of honesty
Done a bit of learning, while you still the same fgt getting bodied on a key
nah weak
And if he's running, Carson smashed between them Cali kids.
You aint wrote a verse since Romo's hurt, ain't won no ships since Dallas did.
nah again
Botch his body into chopped bits, his thot bitch can rot w/ him.
The fun stops when blood clots, now >this is where the Plot thickens.
alright not bad
Return of Kane, laying Tombstones. The heat is hard to brave
They been waiting on my entrance back..
&you know I'm bout to blaze you when my arms are raised
ok nice rip off of my week 1 Kane bar but decent flip
Flame till Ash catches, a softly spoken Chandelure you out to dire bleakness.
&this'll heat metal. A dance w/ THE Devil, ur a Bug Trainer w/a fire weakness.
this was nice imo

Vs

When blasting with gats, your skins torn-up ugly like Barc'ers tatts..
& the subnose ripping apart your chest cant be a shark-attack.
yor first line fuckin killed this. Had mad potential too smh
This barking mad aussies fucking larking on you just for the novelty,
Spack for life! Me& my abos'll jack your ride, now that's a Corroboree!
thanks for being an Aussie and making me google this. After research this isn’t bad, good bar
Fuckin Bleak! thinking he's a gassed-up giant, but dude couldn't be stupider,
With all his goons floating around him like they're the moons of Jupiter.
ok
But truer shit is Bleaks a fat lesbian, that stays beating the wife with venom,
And I'd cholera victim, but that would throw shade on the strife in Yemen.
ok
Me beating youse easy mate, testament to ya namesake: a bleak existence,
Winning this fucking battle was a simple as taking the line of least resistance
no

Another close battle this week. I think plot edges it out barely by being more consistent.

Vote Plot

Bleak: closer was conceptually solid, just jumbled, plot thickens played.

Plot: Cholera, Corroboree. Had better ideas, that line of resistance didnt like where u went w/ it.

Vote Plot.

VOTE PLOT bleak was dope as far as pure Hip Hop standpoint, but had no punches, except for plot thickens, which is played. Plot still uses somewhat obscure references, tho his creativity is apparent.