nobodysake
 

/


i sat in the dark. you meant to ask me a question
halfway suggested that it was something important. i mean
who could afford the state of being that you covet
she, who struggles with boredom, pacing her floor
at war with contentment. we are. it feels like nothing before
breathe deeply paint fume 2-car garage, corporate embargo
where we went wrong. faint, be my heart. help me relate
it's only been a year. i still remember your face
secular native voodoo daisy, planting your roots
starry-eyed, billie jean jacket digital youth
analog pursuit melodia symphonic in dreams
His masterpiece on envelopes & scraps of receipt
mutilation en masse. it's human nature to scream
the culmination of collective greed, your excellency
at war with resentment. dissemination of seed
collective goals collapsing miscellaneously
all in a week. how do you say - a day in your feet?
ah, a walk in your shoes. stairsteps left incomplete
what are the odds. talking to god for nobody's sake
he told me the same. you're apple trees i'm rotary blades
copa cabana, we slept where nobody stayed
seance candles, soul awakened, home on the range
Topher Grace. pack bowls in your basement. Billy Ocean tapes
so they say. we're heading back towards home today.


dead man

i typed up a huge reply to this and my work internet went down

the hanging rhymes in the beginning threw me off a little

its only been a year, i still remember your face was dope to me though

digital youth was a great millennial turn of phrase, i liked the billie jean jacket reference as well for the nostalgia of it. the two worked well together even if they contrast each other in my view

i loved 'masterpieces written on scraps of receipts' because i still do that very same thing to this day if an idea comes to me quickly and i want to get it down, very relatable

apple trees and rotary blades was another great turn of phrase for me, almost a contrast again in how closely related the two things can be yet one of them insistent on tearing the other apart. perfect visual illustration for the kind of spiteful bad relationship said in so few words. i loved it.

great to have you back.

keep that pen moving!

Thanks baron

Overdue on some collaborative work for sure. Drop me a line when you have a moment

Nice.

yoooooooooooooo i legit only just saw this reply bruh

definitely down

lets talk about some shit in the Myrmidons forum

im sorry, i wrote this huge thing, and it got deleted, and this is about the 50th time it happened to me this week and i am completely over creating things and having to deal with a stupid fucking intrnet connection or me hitting back and undo buttons mysteriously never around. i'll try to cook something up as fast as i can, because my previous outing was so long and in depth i felt i could win a pulitzer on it. anyway

this was extremely dead man. what i wrote - part of it, was atleast, that you've adopted this contrasting style, and adorned it with an opposite effect, paradoxical quips you've created with your breath. it's original and styled with adverse effects. the second thing i've noticed about the authenticity in a deadman piece, would be - the truth to everything.

when you go 'its human nature to scream'

the audience agrees with it and its almost pressured to believe that it's real, that it has happene dto them and that they have been through it. it's human nature. it powers your thematic element and it powers the imagination of the reader, and it powers the turbines that created the electricity to power the piece in the beginning and it fits, and it's adorned along with your contrasting style and it has very intense inclinations.

you scream at people, when you're in pain, in the street, at a football game. it is human nature. in fact, the beauty and magic of this piece lies in that line alone, the human nature of all of this.

i like that line. all in a week, ahhh..how do you say.. a day in your feet? ahhh yes *sips coffee* long pause, a walk in your shoes. narrator budges in, stairsteps left incomplete. great stuff. all in a week....human nature.. this is human nature. you adorned everything, from the contrast, to the truthness. people like believing in something, and if they've done it, they've said it, or even seen it, you repeating it, adorned with poetry, with words they can't create, with emotions they cant explain, reading words they wish they had wrote, this becomes magical. this is what writers do, they shouldnt rely on one factor, rhyming things to infinity. there isnt magic there. just habits. habits lie in the rhyming. not saying you can't string together beautiful pieces by focusing immensely on your rhyming - but here it seems to take priority to other things...things that can't be explained as deftly as a writer can. it's magic. it's deadman


even delicately placed things to ramp up a theme takes on this effect that you put in place...


it's been a year... well, only a year. a year is nothing. or it's....pretty long. anyhow, it's only been a year. do you know what i mean by this? i still remember your face. the contrast here is lightly stained with a highlighted meaning not mentioned by the writer. it's just small things like this that make the read must more enjoyable.


even for the devotional, this speaks volumes. this is the truth i was referring too... we.. or anybody we know, even the crazy guy you used to work with, or go to school with. have talked to themselves. you've seen it, heard it, talked about it, and probably regularly do so yourself, in some form or manner. it's just human nature. like the way we scream. this is really cool, it just makes the read THAT much richer. that's what makes it exclusive.

thanks. i enjoyed this.

Your fragmented imagery reminds me of Nas -- flashbacks, scattered scenes, random but significant moments that transverse time to bring context and understanding to the present happening and circumstance. It's intriguing stuff. A technique I often employ. But I admire how you've done it here. The romance seemed true. The love was there, but a longing for something more or perhaps different (new) was also evident.


Which come in handy for sudden bouts of inspiration.

So much of this comes across as being abstract in language and left open for interpetation that I'm having a hard time following your exact train of thought. At least in relation to a linear story. However, your poetic phrasing is still very much appreciated and appealing.


Again, the fragmented imagery is captivating. Tiny shards that make up a stained glass image of a much larger tale.

Overall: I really dug they way you put this piece together -- the flashbacks, the obscure and pop culture references, the nostalgia invoked and the heart and poetic voice you wrote it all in. The end result was something that read true and authenic.

Also, your mechanics and transitional flow were both fluid and on point the entire read.

Props, man. This was truly dope.


Peace.

thank you guysfatwife

seriously appreciate that.

lmao why do i feel like big baby was taking sneak shots at me?

FUCKA WOT?

sounds like you felt some kind of way about my original post tbh