Netcees - LMAO SO THERE'S THIS SHARED TOILET AT OUR WORKPLACE RIGHT

and I was taking my ritualistic morning dump this morning when this female colleague starts banging the door, asking if anyone's in there (OBVIOUSLY I AM, THATS WHY ITS LOCKED YOU DUMBASS BITCH) but anyway I politely say yes I'm inside.

She then starts up conversation with me through the closed door asking if she's left her phone inside there. I'm sat on the can like WTF LEAVE ME ALONE TO SHIT IN PEACE, YOURE RUINING THIS FOR ME as I said I can't see it

This stupid fuck keeps going on though, "Can you just check see if it's on the sink?" NO I FUCKING CANT, IM STRAINING MY INTESTINES RIGHT NOW TRYING NOT TO PLOP LOUD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO HEAR WITH YOUR EAR UP AGAINST THIS FLINSY WOODEN DOOR MORON

Anyway I finally finish and stand up, flush the chain with me boxers and trousers still around my ankles in a rush to get out and let her look for this stupid phone her damn self, only Turdzilla resurfaces and breaks up into a ton of ass nuggets that float to the top and as I've just flushed the shit, it won't re-flush again for a few ever longer feeling minutes so I'm stood their just wondering what the fuck to even do at this point as I know she's still outside waiting. Anyway I still haven't wiped at this point, but as I lean over I see the phone on the floor. I picked it up and wiped my ass with it then placed it back on the floor where it had been, washed my hands and opened the door to her pretending I couldn't see it hoping she gets my shit all over her hands and doesn't ever do that kind of bullshit to me again.

How did your Wednesday go?