Fuckin' Millennials
 

Kids these days! These ingrates are so rude to their elders
Taking for granted who’s paying for your food and your shelter
Little fuckers - stop giving lip to your mother
Too busy snapchatting your pussies and dicks to eachother
When I was your age, all my friends died from smallpox
Now you cry if they spell your name wrong on your latte at Starbucks
You little ungrateful shits can stream any song that you want
But are too distracted to give up your Spotify get onto the bus
Goddamn vegan retards, you have the hardest heads
If we tried to eat gluten-free in my day we’d fucking starve to death
Any criticism is a personal attack, you cry and scream
I bought a house for the same price as your designer jeans
You hate school, it's a labor to make you read War & Peace
You make me wish I took that bullet back on the beach at Normandy

@Adonis @Certain @asylum

The highlights of this verse were its smoothness and interesting narrative, I thought the overall concept was quite good. An intriguing approach you took here, and I really like the direct tone of it. Thought that the "gluten-free" line was good. The last line was expertly conveyed, imo, rather concealing the character's stand point than providing a straightforward closure. Scheme-wise, it was nice, it would've been interesting to see a thorough emphasis on internals and multis, though. But this had a very smooth flow regardless. An entertaining read overall.

The technical execution of this was lacking quite a bit. It wasn't that it "didn't rhyme" or "had no flow" or any of the rubbish you might think I'd say. No, on the contrary it had rhymes and flow but the scheme was pretty basic and if this were an audio piece done too a beat I might over look that but this isn't. We're on a site with a bunch of eye's scrolling over our word's so I think a bit of scheme intensive work is a must. You'll probably disagree and ten other people will probably jump on the "hey don't fuck with pinot" wagon but hey it is what it is and I don't care. Write better next time.


P.S. the concept was good.

On the contrary. Criticism taken well only leads to improvement. Thank you.

That criticism was wrong, though.

Well, now I feel like a proper asshole. Well played.

P.S. You're Welcome.