COLOSSAL
 

"COLOSSAL"

A Wobbiling Charriot - lead by a Ancient Horse; wheels rickety
cart full, of stones: other heavy building blocks, minerals, off, of, the, bricks, falling, apart; minerals sparkle...
Hard to Envision the pilliars without being in the vicinity -
Marvel at my Architecture - the blueprint, I have here, is Infamous
Sharp tools chisel away until my Pillar is carved into the Histories
Carpal tunnel from hammering away until my wrist is injured
Harp tune from the Appreciative Gods; scintillatingly startles
A lazy worker has been struck down: mouth bloody, spilling
He garbles something before the Master drives a stake through his head like an Innocent narwhal
"If ANYBODY ELSE WOULD LIKE SUCH A FATE"
Pulling the Axe Pick out of the head- swift and unartful
"SPEAK NOW"
As workers carry heavy cinder blocks, continue on, wheels rickety
Awful...the builders brains partially visible: Yet None of the workers have the grit or the heart to
Speak up, in fear of a certain repercussion, a decision too harmful..............
I found this City of Bricks and left it A City of Marble

http://img11.deviantart.net/c9d2/i/2...kg-d98lsfo.jpg

cool shit. u know what ur doing. u have ur style, shits easy for u

the scheme going all the way through was cool, ive seen u do it plenty of times. lots of imagery, great vocab but not too much as to take the reader out of it. impressive stuff

i also liked how the title could actually start the verse and then work with the whole scheme. different.cool. original.

skittles and barstools
bitches and harpoons
i live in a harsh truth that this is an art
phewf!

i see u, bish.

I used the word "narwhal" recently in something.

This was cool, maybe a little too short for some peoples liking, but you def have this style downpat and it's unmistabaly Frank.

It read almost like a keystyle in parts, but it's far too advanced for some people here to key that kind of material up and sustain the scheme. I could do it, a few here could, but not the majority.

That's experience for you. Good showing of your skill.

Keep that pen moving!

This was short, but it still felt like it sufficed. That's weird for a Frank piece tbh. I'm used to reading small novels from you. You also wrote slightly left of what I see in the AOWL. I'll come to the OM more to check you out. I liked that last line and the gladiator/kill bill-esque quote was some shit I would definitely put in a piece lol. Cool stuff. I'm gonna work on some stuff to drop in here to get some practice. See ya round Frankie.

This reminded me of the pice by vividly vague except with a more toned direction...good work mate