Ambivalent Carnation

A tear mixed with grief and rejoice trickled down my face
The sadness of a lost mother, it rippled through my fate
This place, these tracks filled with sorrow is still a part I suffer
but knowing she's here with me fills my heart with comfort!
Seeing this orange flower grow in this spot, here in the dirt
Is a god given miracle, a answer that appeared from the earth!
I sat down and felt the wind and the course of the weather
Staring solemnly, taking the time to remorse and remember...

I had just turned twenty-one, it was the beginning of summer
This was the last day I could love and hate my own mother.
A teenage diva, ready to find some cute guys and get blasted
Dance the night away, drink, then hit the hay with some action!
And like any good mom, she was strict and went over with protection
She didn't want me to waste my twenty first, lowering my ethics
She wanted me to take adult hood on, sober and respected!!
I hated her at that moment, but I didn't know it could be over within seconds.
I left home pissed off, but energetic when I arrived at the party
Few shots of tequila, some margaritas, then getting live with a hottie.
About 2 am, I was shitfaced drunk and he offered me a ride
Nah, I'm good I told him, don't even bother with ya time
and the whole way I was in and out in my drive
....
....
I saw the horror in her eyes and all the blood on my hands
Damn, I slipped away along with all the love that disbands...
She was on her way to get me, I was on my way to slaughter
The irony, of a mother getting crushed by her own daughter..
The self-reproach, the guilt a virus thats rushing through my veins
The heart-break, my headaches with pain gushing through my brain!!
To think I killed her and she was on her way to save me and apologize
I was on my way to pass out or argue and dramatize
There's me, this sweet girl thats filled with a storage of hatred
Theres my mother, coming to say she's sorry with an orange carnation!