Netcees - Timeless 2-4 vs. Flo Real 1-2

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- - Timeless 2-4 vs. Flo Real 1-2 - TIMELESS 3-0 (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121259)

Timeless 2-4 vs. Flo Real 1-2 - TIMELESS 3-0

Week AOWL Season V, Week 11

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!

Topic: http://i.imgur.com/pDsEFNs.jpg

G/Luck

@Flo Real @timeless

It starts with a women, as all good stories do
Love at first sight and every other cliche too
She was an angel, delicate and elagant, there was definite potential
It was evident to me this queen would be a testament to faithful
Her lips filled as if purses of warm bliss, red pillows where awe sits
Starry eyed as a fire flickers around her pupil like an eclipse
Her hair like a flare in color, her skin fair but tanned in summer
Two lovers stare at one another; one a gazelle the other a hunter
Her figure chiseled, killer body sizzles, a hot body that really whets the whistle
Shes got the tits, teeth, eyes and thighs, wants the prick just like a thistle

When it comes to family your love is made of steel
You can drop the ball an it wont break even if the marks dont heal
Real love, the type you share with another, is made of fragile glass
If you drop the ball it chips away until it splits at last

One day the forever untainted faithful angel showed me her crown of thorns
Temptation is the devils greatest invention and this fallen angel has the horns
She cheated on me with my best friend, cant pretend it didnt hurt
Defeated I desperately drunk til i couldnt stand, a painful lesson learnt
Her lips cold and course, ironic that they can scold and more
Her eyes vacant, breaking my aching want for what i once adored
Her hair now scorns with every flick her skin sick worn and grey
We throw quick stares; they say more then we could ever express in a day
Her body cold, seems old and used, the air of someone abused
Ive been told she enjoyed it to, sado masochist or just confused?
But maybe im the sado masochist, because i fell in love again
So it ends with a women, just how all good stories end

The monster in a box always takes caution when she talks.
Its partially my fault as to why she's walking to the gods.
Taunting from afar, a flock of warnings and death threats.
Markings enlarged, now washed and pouring on bed spreads.
She gave in...
Dressed less, crooked eyeliner ran down her cheeks blazing.
Best bet for hair was a sidewinder soaked with cheap fragrance.
Graces from a faceless angel delayed her mind's cables.
With a strong sigh she's able to tell lucid lies and fables.
She's waiting at the corner, hoping the sky derails any minute,
Soon enough she'll dry up and her lips will be stale in an instant.
Soon she could afford a proper lifestyle, like her parents had dreamed.
Not to go on through the days acting like she only cares for the cream.
As her future splits before her eyes, she stares at the seams,
Hoping she could fall into oblivion as she's preparing to scream.

Eric needed relief, so he wound up parked at a jug handle.
A business man, pulled over because he loves Fan Duel.
Necessity to check the stats even if he only had a buck to gamble.
Unless he'd stress the facts of addiction, his luck will dismantle.
Soon he grew restless as he noticed the truth in his loss.
So he figured he'd settle in with a prostitute he had bought.
Found the girl of his dreams on a depleted street corner.
Took her to his hideaway and proceeded to beat and torture,
Her heart dropped like a mortar, cries of agony heard for miles.
Eric teared her up fully clothed, such a tragedy birthed in style.
Welcome to life in hell, where getting brain is the feature.
They say learning is a gift, even when pain is your teacher.

Flo Real, this was okay. Your wording could use some work. I feel like you dropped a rough draft verse. Maybe spend sometime revising next week and see if you can tell the difference. I'm also not a huge fan of using foul language (unless it's in a non derogatory sense) in writing so seeing 'tits' kinds threw off the entire line for me. Flow was super smooth but at the same time really simple so it was hard to really entertain myself reading this. Story was really basic as well. I feel like there were a lot of concepts in there that could've been really awesome if revised and it would've helped your story too. As it though, it was just an okay read with some things that could've been fixed up with a little extra time and effort.

Timeless, I liked this a lot actually. You kinda were the opposite of Flo Real. I don't know if you revise your pieces before you drop them but this felt really well polished. Wording was really smooth and the flow was nice. I liked the topic, taking something simple and making it roll off the tongue in an entertaining way. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Vote Timesless for the cleaner piece.

BUMP!

We can't open next weeks battles until this is tied up!!!!

Flo Real
Starry eyed as a fire flickers around her pupil like an eclipse

I liked that.

We throw quick stares; they say more then we could ever express in a day

That too. Besides those two lines, everything else was okay. But, I feel like you took the easy way of attacking this topic. *shrugs

Timeless
I really liked this verse. I like how descriptive you are. Crooked eyeliner, cheap fragrance, etc.. That type of shit stands out to me.

Also, I hear all good stories involve a women, Lol.

Anyways, Flo Real had a few lines that stood out to me, but like I said, he could have done something different with the topic. Timeless was solid all the way through, although both had enjoyable verses, I liked timeless' verse so much more.

vtimeless

Just to vote I got timeless with a cleaner verse
Flo had too many grammatical errors and wording issues
Vote timeless

Time wins, sorry we couldn't get more votes on this one bros! I tried!