Netcees - BAL: Puravida vs Spoken

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- - BAL: Puravida vs Spoken - OPEN FOR VOTES (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=120928)

BAL: Puravida vs Spoken - OPEN FOR VOTES

Battle Arena League

Rules

Due Dates:

Verses are due SUNDAY,
September 19th 2015 11:59 PM PST.
Extensions are 24 hours
You will be GRANTED ONE EXTENSION PER MONTH. Any extension beyond the first will result in loss of votes.

Line Limit:

Min. = 10 lines
Max. = 12 lines
NO EXCEPTIONS

General Rules:

1st person to post can't edit after the 2nd person posts.
2nd person to post can't edit after a vote has been made.
Feeding = DQ.
Recycling = DQ.
Biting = DQ.
No freeposting, swaying or bitching.
Unless a picture battle is agreed upon,
linking to your opponent's picture or posting it
means you will be disqualified.
A check in IS NOTmandatory.
Competitors should agree on a line limit in their check in.
If no line limit is agreed on, then the 2nd person to post
must match the 1st person's line amount.

@puravida @Spoken

@Spoken

Spoke's bitch love me, He ain't pleasin' so I'll make her leave him with no say or reason
I offered her some business, she shooked on it and we both came to an agreement.
It's D-Day - voters mind your own, or else expect his Brains in the brief case,
spokane get crossed like US 395, no washington state free ways.
handing this sonnin to u like pissed off Obstetricians; the delivery is mean,
I'm new to the lime but whatever I body, is goundbreaking like I'm Timothy Green.
Bring back up? I'll shoot u kids with gun play till both are impaired quick,
or 1 footlong bullet can get rid of spokeman quicker than subway did to jared
I'll set the alarm with this fire, prepare for this coffin, when there's smoke in the room,
not celebrating early or counting chickens before they hatch but netcees spoke out, too soon
This storyteller needs to go somewhere else. Don't fix it, if it aint broken, nerd
No Campsite Poetry Jam; when I roast nuts n open fire on spoken.....word

Check I see ur 12 writing now

@purivada @Hush

You a hot boi? Stop. U prolly a "shuffle paper in a cubicle" nerd,
Only time they want purifier is if someone wants hot water at work.
Get off the molly. U aint bout that hard life, matter off fact swerve,
I mean u force ur persona like ur concepts, worse than ladies at birth.
Lets get to work, pull the blades to start carving ya sides,
Ill remove everything but we'd still see a bitch in you when we look in ur eyes.
Im loyal to my team. Quick to let the techs burst against phonies,
Open and pour so many cans at one time.. im steve austin to the homies.
Left hooks to the body N' let the right swing once u sleep on it partner,
Its plane simple. Ill have these bombs drop u like the attack on pearl harbor.
Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.

Toe tagged!!!

Bring back up? I'll shoot u kids with gun play till both are impaired quick,
or 1 footlong bullet can get rid of spokeman quicker than subway did to jared

Vs.

You a hot boi? Stop. U prolly a "shuffle paper in a cubicle" nerd,
Only time they want purifier is if someone wants hot water at work.
Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.

Didn't like much from pura's verse. He had some OK concepts here n there but his wording killed any sting they had. That spokesman line was aite but the Jared angle is played but it was still a decent np. Spoken word could've been aite done diff. Spokens verse wasnt too much better tbh. His opener was a good np but I didn't like the execution, could've been a lot harsher. Closer wasn't anything special but I liked the wording on it.

Spokens misses weren't as bad imo so he got my vote.

V. Spoken

Quote:

Originally Posted by puravida (Post 531755)

@Spoken

Spoke's bitch love me, He ain't pleasin' so I'll make her leave him with no say or reason
I offered her some business, she shooked on it and we both came to an agreement.
-aight like the connection business, shook, agreement
It's D-Day - voters mind your own, or else expect his Brains in the brief case,
spokane get crossed like US 395, no washington state free ways.
-brains in breif case was clever
handing this sonnin to u like pissed off Obstetricians; the delivery is mean,
I'm new to the lime but whatever I body, is goundbreaking like I'm Timothy Green.
-not bad
Bring back up? I'll shoot u kids with gun play till both are impaired quick,
or 1 footlong bullet can get rid of spokeman quicker than subway did to jared
- haha dig this bar, jared line was great
I'll set the alarm with this fire, prepare for this coffin, when there's smoke in the room,
not celebrating early or counting chickens before they hatch but netcees spoke out, too soon
-aight
This storyteller needs to go somewhere else. Don't fix it, if it aint broken, nerd
No Campsite Poetry Jam; when I roast nuts n open fire on spoken.....word
-not bad

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spoken (Post 532384)

@purivada @Hush

You a hot boi? Stop. U prolly a "shuffle paper in a cubicle" nerd,
Only time they want purifier is if someone wants hot water at work.
-aha good
Get off the molly. U aint bout that hard life, matter off fact swerve,
I mean u force ur persona like ur concepts, worse than ladies at birth.
-eh was a little weak for me
Lets get to work, pull the blades to start carving ya sides,
Ill remove everything but we'd still see a bitch in you when we look in ur eyes.
- im not feeling this bar. carving ya sides was aight
Im loyal to my team. Quick to let the techs burst against phonies,
Open and pour so many cans at one time.. im steve austin to the homies.
-good
Left hooks to the body N' let the right swing once u sleep on it partner,
Its plane simple. Ill have these bombs drop u like the attack on pearl harbor.
-good too
Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.
-cool
Toe tagged!!!

battle from both was good. close tho.

v goes to puravida . to me he had bars that flowed and made sense more. the punches were good
Spoken he had great bars as well but i feel as if some needed more to them. some lacked

@Hush - open for votes

handing this sonnin to u like pissed off Obstetricians; the delivery is mean,
I'm new to the lime but whatever I body, is goundbreaking like I'm Timothy Green.
Bring back up? I'll shoot u kids with gun play till both are impaired quick,
or 1 footlong bullet can get rid of spokeman quicker than subway did to jared

- Jared bars been done 100 times already but this one was good

vs

Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.

- Your best bar, rest fell flat and/or were wack/played

Puravida got this

Didnt feel much from either but feel spoken had by far the better misses and 1 or 2 lights which could of been losds better with a bit of polished wording.

Vote spoken

Quote:

Originally Posted by puravida (Post 531755)

@Spoken

Spoke's bitch love me, He ain't pleasin' so I'll make her leave him with no say or reason
I offered her some business, she shooked on it and we both came to an agreement.
wheres the punch? i kinda get what you're going for but you gotta do something to put a twist on the concept or it doesn't hit
It's D-Day - voters mind your own, or else expect his Brains in the brief case,
spokane get crossed like US 395, no washington state free ways.
get crossed is a weak diss. you have a concept and wp, but once again the punch isn't up to par
handing this sonnin to u like pissed off Obstetricians; the delivery is mean,
I'm new to the lime but whatever I body, is goundbreaking like I'm Timothy Green.
obscure reference. if you're gonna do this it needs to be dope. this is pretty mediocre. if you want me to google this shit, you need to bring the bars. this was kinda boring.
Bring back up? I'll shoot u kids with gun play till both are impaired quick,
or 1 footlong bullet can get rid of spokeman quicker than subway did to jared
its spokesman so this is forced, but this is a much better punch. almost a hit
I'll set the alarm with this fire, prepare for this coffin, when there's smoke in the room,
not celebrating early or counting chickens before they hatch but netcees spoke out, too soon
weak diss. you have a np, gotta do more with it. work on your wording to setup a harsher diss and try to phrase it to work both ways
This storyteller needs to go somewhere else. Don't fix it, if it aint broken, nerd
No Campsite Poetry Jam; when I roast nuts n open fire on spoken.....word
this was aight to me. i kinda liked this. roast nuts is kinda weird tho.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spoken (Post 532384)

@purivada @Hush

You a hot boi? Stop. U prolly a "shuffle paper in a cubicle" nerd,
Only time they want purifier is if someone wants hot water at work.
you messed up the wording here. and thats not how purifiers work. this could have been cool if you fixed a few things
Get off the molly. U aint bout that hard life, matter off fact swerve,
I mean u force ur persona like ur concepts, worse than ladies at birth.
overworded the punch but the concept was cool. should have just dropped the persona bit for a smoother punch. you also could have used the setup more effectively it doesn't do anything to help this hit
Lets get to work, pull the blades to start carving ya sides,
Ill remove everything but we'd still see a bitch in you when we look in ur eyes.
this is a throwaway bar to me.
Im loyal to my team. Quick to let the techs burst against phonies,
Open and pour so many cans at one time.. im steve austin to the homies.
this is ok. would have hit much better with setup. reference a wrestling entrance or something to make the steve austin part hit harder
Left hooks to the body N' let the right swing once u sleep on it partner,
Its plane simple. Ill have these bombs drop u like the attack on pearl harbor.
this is cool. wording isn't perfect but i still like it
Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.
aight. a little light but ok

Toe tagged!!!

I have spoken taking this pretty easily. I didn't like much from puravida, but i did like a few of his concepts. some of his bars lacked punches and others weren't directed at his opponent enough to hit. the closer was decent. spoken had a few misteps but overall was a decent read. i can tell you know what you're doing, but a few of your punches had awkward wording that weakens the effectiveness. Overall tho, i liked the verse. you had pearl harbor quoteable. steve austin and stuck at the office were close.

Vote: Spoken

Quote:

Originally Posted by puravida (Post 531755)

@Spoken

Spoke's bitch love me, He ain't pleasin' so I'll make her leave him with no say or reason
I offered her some business, she shooked on it and we both came to an agreement.
--too statemtnish for me bro, not bad or good just there
It's D-Day - voters mind your own, or else expect his Brains in the brief case,
spokane get crossed like US 395, no washington state free ways.
--eh/ok
handing this sonnin to u like pissed off Obstetricians; the delivery is mean,
I'm new to the lime but whatever I body, is goundbreaking like I'm Timothy Green.
--ok
Bring back up? I'll shoot u kids with gun play till both are impaired quick,
or 1 footlong bullet can get rid of spokeman quicker than subway did to jared
--cool
I'll set the alarm with this fire, prepare for this coffin, when there's smoke in the room,
not celebrating early or counting chickens before they hatch but netcees spoke out, too soon
--wording was poor, but good concept quality bar, could have been A+ but u left it at a B-
This storyteller needs to go somewhere else. Don't fix it, if it aint broken, nerd
No Campsite Poetry Jam; when I roast nuts n open fire on spoken.....word
--nah

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spoken (Post 532384)

@purivada @Hush

You a hot boi? Stop. U prolly a "shuffle paper in a cubicle" nerd,
Only time they want purifier is if someone wants hot water at work.
--wording is weak on this, good concept ok opener/hit
Get off the molly. U aint bout that hard life, matter off fact swerve,
I mean u force ur persona like ur concepts, worse than ladies at birth.
--the wp doesnt work for me. seems forced, maybe its just me tho idk
Lets get to work, pull the blades to start carving ya sides,
Ill remove everything but we'd still see a bitch in you when we look in ur eyes.
--solid
Im loyal to my team. Quick to let the techs burst against phonies,
Open and pour so many cans at one time.. im steve austin to the homies.
--no sting here. cool bar, but not really a punch
Left hooks to the body N' let the right swing once u sleep on it partner,
Its plane simple. Ill have these bombs drop u like the attack on pearl harbor.
--not really digging a plane/plain play honestly man
Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.
--this is dope. could have been worded better but still good regardless

Toe tagged!!!

cool battle props guys.

had it 2-2 on quotes

spoken had some bad misses to me imo

pur with the more consistent verses and W

V/ Puravida

Need some more votes to close this up and get it kicking again

Usually nameflips get tired when used back to back like that, but pura at least did a few oeriginal (to me at least) ones with it.

Spokeane was cool. I didn't mind Spokeman tbh because it was prob just a typo on dudes behalf, Spokesman still works. It isn't forced like someone else said.

The Jared line is played now even for a current event, but I didn't mind the tie-in so much as the line wasn't that effective wording-wise. It fell a bit flat.

Spoken had a couple of decent ideas/concepts, but they either felt a little old to me or a little played (even though his wording was far superior IMO). Purifier was dope. Forced/pregnancy shit was WACK lol. Bitch in you feels like i've seen it a hundred times before, idioms should prob be avoided unless they can be flipped fresh. Pearl Harbour is wayyy old. Stuck in the office is like Gjonaj's stuck in traffic line.

I dunno, I liked Spoken's wording, but Pura's ideas were better/less played.

Vote - Puravida

handing this sonnin to u like pissed off Obstetricians; the delivery is mean,
I'm new to the lime but whatever I body, is goundbreaking like I'm Timothy Green.

vs

Ill stop by ur work and let the knife go without being cautious,
Have ur dinner turn cold and wife upset. For the last time ur getting stuck at the office.

Puravida ever so slightly had spoken at first but some of his misses we're bad

Vote- pura