Netcees - Week 8: Flo Real 0-0 vs. Frank 0-0

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- - Week 8: Flo Real 0-0 vs. Frank 0-0 - [FRANK 7-0] (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=120837)

Week 8: Flo Real 0-0 vs. Frank 0-0 - [FRANK 7-0]

AOWL Season V, Week 7

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Tuesday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Friday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!

DUAL TOPIC:

"How long have you been away from the country" Laura asked Ibarra. "Almost seven years." Then you have probably forgotten all about it"

&

"__________ is never granted, It is earned"

GoodLuck!

@Flo Real @Frank

Chose Wisely

"The rhapsody is not a composition at all, it's a string of separate paragraphs stuck together.." Leonard Bernstein

Merciful?! Not to those against me,
Eternal hatred is the best defence used offensively
Reversal is sacred to those that impress....
Command respect, forget revenge, to get my mercy
You will have to earn it firstly

It is never granted, always earned
So disenchanted by what's assumed should be deservedly returned

Needles in arms, the addictive self harm
Endless charms from addicts that want money for calm
Various palms held out for a free fix they believe that exists
Extinguished by the lack of mercy that powers me to resist
Reminisced of a time where worthy cowards earned my free gift

Graciously and honesty.... now ain't that a fallacy
Responsibly and tactfully, now ain't that a sight to see
Authority and austerity in the face of adversity, that's irony
Normally mercy is silently the rival to tyranny within society
That was then this is now, no one earns an we all take grants
Everyone, the majority and minorities prosperity is up for grabs
Don't you honestly think it's about time we took that compassion back

It is never granted, always earned
They assume they shouldn't work for what they yearn

It is never granted, always earned
So disenchanted by what's assumed should be deservedly returned

Envious of those in power? Will they show mercy in their final hour
Aeneous, were green for gold, sour and jealous of them in their tower
Rebellious, we won't stand for this, we will rise forwards with thunderous anger
Never answer to candour that would indicate amorous feelings towards our own slander
Extinguished by the lack of mercy that powers us to resist
Delirious that we feel in this time we are worthy cowards that should be granted a gift

"__________ is never granted, It is earned"

Here’ is to hoping my apology has reached you in the highest spirits on earth
To do so – I have attached this telegram to “Pathenia” – my most sincerest of birds
She is my most prized possession in this world…
A messenger pigeon, I rescued from the cliff’s off this perch
Purple ribbon stitched in her wing that’s been clipped to its nerve
She is unable to take off in this turbulent weather, without the assistance of her handler
Simply put, it sits in its cage – whistles & chirps
Nibbles the kern...
Pecks at her sisters - until they get anorexic and filter into the richness of dirt.

The pigeon tried splitting the coop – flying out of its cage, soon as it opens – but it wasn't quick on the turns
It flapped its wings - but there wasn't any power behind its movement – just the whiff and a whirl'
As A Handler I was just as concerned as you were – I couldn’t let IT go out like that... all injured and hurt
So I administered a pain reliever into her stiff joints and it lifted her
Then they equipped her with sharper claws, her tips were scissored -
And her feathers flourished into different colors; became her signature
the Pigeon learned how to fly home cause' the ozone emitted an invisible signal for the pigeon to return
The pigeon swerved over the forest fire – while acre upon acre of the villages burn
After IT flew thousands of miles, it helps it self to a delicious worm from the ditch of the curb
The worm viciously squirms
The Pigeon continues on, with it's twig in it's beak; creating this nest in the infamous birch
The Pigeon sits on top of the eggs; until they have hatched - and the chicks are heard
An Eagle lands on the branch; its beak; full of rodent meat guts twisted with fur
Her baby birds are still in their shells
The eagle cracks them with his talons
and drifts off the perch
The hatchling tries out his wings, such an innocent twerp
The wind picks up and the conditions get worse until it becomes too dangerous for a beginner bird
Met with resistance; the Pigeon attempts to pick up where its left off – but it is deterred.
Determined to get the apology to the AOWL - the messenger pigeon will not give up until it is served

The handler sends out the signal and the bird takes the trip in reverse
Over the forrested fire that has been put out and the two victims confirmed.

And from there, It is a blur -

I must apologize to those; I was an inconsiderate jerk
I must apologize if you were irked by my decision when you were just on the verge
I ask that the Gentleman of the jury, accept my apology, let's get this adjourned'
I should’ve never asserted myself over you by stripping you of your insignificant worth
AOWL MODERATOR is never granted, It is earned

As for the pigeon, it went on with its search

Because this apology letter never made it –

you just got shitted on by the verse

Flo Real - I always find that there is a massive limitation on anti-societal or anti-political pieces. It's something everyone's done before and they often open up any new chapters, and I think that's kind of the same here. I also don't really see how Mercy fits into this as much. Maybe I'm missing something but it seemed like you were unfavourable to people being given something which they don't earn, which of course is the original topic, but when I think of mercy I don't really think of it being like "People taking things they didnt earn" I think of someone with a gun to their head begging for their life. Acrostic styles don't add too much for me, unless they reveal a hidden message. Something that is revealed when the verse is REALLY looked at. Because you made your first letters bold, I kind of felt that you gave away the hidden secrets. I know this is a competition so you wouldnt want to be overly subtle with something like that, but as I said in the first place I'm not really into acrostic poems. I don't get what additional emotion or purpose they provide.

Frank - What the absolute fuck. Now I know you're fucking crazy when you write topicals but you always kind of get taken back by reading them. I'm not 100% sure of the reference. I don't get the reference to the moderator really and while I could get the purpose I feel there is information which alludes me. One massive let down which I've been seeing tonnes lately is the broken multis. I'm not sure what's happening but whenever I read a topical now it's like people have forgotten that syllables must match up in each part of the scheme. You tried to carry the scheme throughout all of this but when one line has "injured and hurt - 4 syllables", the next has "lifted her - 3 syllables" and the next has "scissored - 2 syllables", every ounce of how impressive an entire verse is gets thrown out the window. I have a feeling I'm missing loads here and that everything has a place and purpose. You carried the story of the carrier pigeon well but this felt like the opening sequence of MGS 5. I have no idea what's happening, everything's crazy and I have no idea what's real and what's not. Frank to the fullest haha. I'm thinking MAYBE this is you, sending out a random carrier pigeon, who's metaphor I don't have, bringing a message to the AWOL league that you just shitted on them with this verse? Fuck I dunno.

Overall, hard one to call. While Flo Real has the easier to connect with verse, Frank I feel is clearly the better writer. It's a hard split but I'm going to go to the direction which I felt used more aspects and put more thought into it.

MVGT - Frank

Flo, I enjoyed your piece but I hate when people use the first letter to build up towards the concept
I hate it mainly because I enjoy receiving the message as I proceed in reading the writing
it limits the pace of your piece basing it on the concept of your topic, I liked the idea you rolled with though
i'm unsure of who you really are so I am unable to decipher if I read a piece of yours or not...
regardless i felt the pacing of your piece suffered from painting the picture with the bolding
otherwise I felt you delivered some cool lines that made me enjoy this as a mixture of thoughts...nice work

Frank..I'm indifferent about your piece, I thought the idea was presented pretty cool
but then I reach the end which is obviously a cop out for the ending I believe...
the concept you put together from the jump was nicely put together, and added to your well known style of write
although the font you had used is an eyesore, it's cute for added effect to the "letter" aspect you use
but when you turn around and say verse I feel it effects you same with the idea of AOWL moderator idea...
I had no issue with you taking over until this came across the ending...
which is another cop out for me...

I'm kind of let down by this battle, I was looking forward to seeing both writers perform
although they both came with decent verses I feel like the ideas came across as beginners work
maybe it's rust from both writers...maybe it's something else...regardless I shall vote for Frank...
I felt like he delivered a stronger set up as far as wording goes
had Flo came properly with more to his verse it would have been great..
either way.....cool little battle

v/Frank

Flo some cool lines in there, I have to confess though I hate that spell out a sentence with the first letter shit, don't know why, it just bothers me. It puts the focus on the vertical sentence I guess rather than the content on hand but I thought it was ight. Can see some of Lars' influence. Frank's shit was lol worthy, the usual...creative, funny ending, lol you shitted on them cool. It was better written and had better use of language in general although some of it came off as forced.

MVGT frank

Flo using the most played out verse structures ever. Some cool bars though, didn't pan out how I liked. Frank brought the goods, really enjoyed the ending and his usual rhyme-the-whole-verse approach was dope this time around. Frank got this out of pure entertainment

V. Frank

Flo had a decent verse but I felt it was all over the place because your had to keep the structure for your concept. I liked the idea you went with but the execution felt lacking, the flow kinda skipped here and there and the wording could have been sharper but still a cool piece.
Frank, I liked the first half but was a little disappointed at the ending. It felt like you just ran out of metaphors and concepts to fit in and just used it as a piece to take a shot at everybody. Sayin you shit on everybody was more of you shitting on yourself and trying to blame other people lol I've seen and even done my own pieces taking shots at people with topicals but this was probably in the lower tier in that category.
But the wording and flow were all on point and still had better execution than flos this week so I gotta give my vote to you.
Vote Frank

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@Kneeslap @semen traction or w/e

Flo, cool concept. Incorporated the phrase in there naturally and took a linear approach to the topic. Nothing really stood out as either above or below average and it felt like a safe play overall. I feel it required more of a 'full circle' feel at the end, or just something extra to shine.. If that makes sense. Solid showing regardless

Frank, you posted a day late, overwrote the shit outta your opponent and your relation to the topic was a gigantic stretch, but the writing was still very good. Wording was crisp, imagery was strong. The bit about guts with fur stood out. It pains me to vote for you like this but you clearly had the more enjoyable verse here

+1 Frank

Flo- I just couldnt really catch a rhythm with u. It was like u forcd an imagery when that shouldnt be the case. It should be picture perfect when ur reading someones verse. U painted nice steokes from here to there but nothing consistent to lead me on a smooth read all the way thru. I get the gest and idea of it all but it just fell flat to me. Dont get me wrong it was cool but from a competitive aspect.. it didnt turn out like I suspected it to be.

Frank- u showed off your writing ability with such ease and proving it here with such a disgusting tooic take really. It was just an absurd read but u made it work toyour unorthodox style of frank style. Regardless I am basing this on the verse itself not its take and u had smooth transitions. The flow was choppy here and there but it still stayed intact thru out.

V/ frank for a better read.