Our thoughts are our own
 

this was a more vivid piece,very well written with the restrictions implied
and by 'restrictions' I mean your line use, and by line use I mean your number of lines
and by number of lines I mean your choice of words & your vision as it unfolds
a very nice use of words might I add, the flow of the piece is pretty smooth
fits a llot in without overworking it with a million other ideas going off at once
really showcases your use of words and how to paint something without saying much
good here but in other places may effect you to be worst off, regardless...nice work
I really enjoyed your ability to fit so much in with so little...keep writing

Props on the feed let me know if there's anything I can return the favor on

I kiss their cheeks flushing as I glare with a hungering stare
I pull up their skirt, stick my finger in without a fimble of care
I rip off their shirt, then i linger as i realise, no one is there....

nice ending. i liked the imagery, and the darkness in the tone of the piece. i wish i could string a line even as complete as you do.

HA! I recognise that style tbh

Prettty good verse, just obv the length isnt ideal for in here. We always want something more filling. 20-30 lines is about perfect. Your flows good though and it was cool to see you attempt more rigid schemes etc, the shorter line lengths help your flow no end.