This is what I'd use to pick up smokin' hot babes on the internet
 

I like to cuddle, but not the whole night...it makes my arms go numb. I can't fight for your honor with numb arms, think about it. I want to have a family someday, but I've been held back for two reasons. 1. I don't think all babies are cute and 2. What if my baby comes out looking like chewed gum? I joke around a lot, and if you can't pick up on my subtleties, you'll have a hard time discerning between me being serious or not. I'm a homebody as of right now, since there's nobody to go exploring with. So, I'll drink wine and throw the ball with my dog. He's possessive, so he barks at people that approach me too quickly. He also doesn't like it when I do things that HE thinks is weird, i.e. jumping jacks, dancing, or pull ups; he'll bark at me and nip at my belly button and other weird places until I stop. So, I guess he's controlling too. There have been a few times where he's actually slapped my phone out of my hand like a jealous husband. I'd much rather have a relationship with a human who has the capability of cognitive thought. Please?

fuck is this uncle Tom straight from a high school Kurt Cobain MySpace fkn biography

The fuck is this phil

Lol

it's totally "girl lulz" muff

Oh , ok!

*slaps the shit out of u*

Muff extra lonely

Puffy muffy eat too much

If u don't shut yo Flo Rida w/ bi polar syndrome lookin ass up nigga

so this is your plentyoffish "about me" section?

Lmfaoooooo

I won't exploit the OBVIOUS weak point in your armor. Lmaooo lololol

his pig face?

Pshh

Knuck stop

Lmao

Plz

u mocap for Shrek nigga

no

tip of your nose touches your unibrow

at least some things in your life are looking up you jobless fagot

I have a little nose

You do not

And even if it was it's still the nose of a hog

It's real lil

You really are delusional

my nose is small tho

Lol

It's a fact with visual aid that it isn't

You're actually losing it

ok buddy

All trolling aside you need to see a shrink

Not pming Veritas

An actual professional that didn't get their phd online