Sunday Mourning
 

It's an Advil kinda morning and my appetite is boring. I can't decide on porridge or some apple slices, yogurt will have to kinda work because hungover means i'll yack if i resort to any protein.. so banana time for sure. See I gotta keep it simple, cause my body is a temple, which i flooded out last night and now my faucet's leaking liquor. The process means my liver isn't processing, I'm different when the coffee bean is drippin, but not this weekend, I'm switchin to some water. Being a little cautious with decisions cause i'm positive this isn't how i wanna live. It isn't very smart to be aggressive when your nausea doesn't let up. So ain't no sausages for breakfast, just plain old strawberries i guess...it's painful obviously, and yes i wake most often in peace, but today's so foggy, and jeez my brain's slow.. groggy, i creep to the table and oddly just be. I don't take no convo's, i'm deep into safe mode, with a lock and a key....and K, no talkin cause please, I need to just lay low and vomit in peace. I reach for a bagel, but not any cheese; and eat slow.. way slow till the softness decreased. I'm peepin my cellphone a lot, and keep getting bell tones or a knock. the squeeze in my head goes like a song, the beat so def only it's not, homie.. i'm fucked...

The problem I have with your writing, is that, it's based around your syllable stretch. And yes that's your signature, but it is severely limiting. Especially when the other facets of your writing aren't as advanced. You're almost like a Carmelo Anthony - so to say. Yeah you watch hockey faggot, I know. But Carmelo is a awfully dedicated offensive player. His defense lacks. And what's worse is that, since he centers the majority of his tempo on offense, it actually in retrospect, puts a strain on his offense. And he isn't a dominant force because the lack of other areas negates the way he plays, and what's centered around him. This iswhat I see, you rarely, very rarely create imagery that plays a long with your strengths. You do it in reverse, your talents come first, and you comfort level is at ease. You rarely put together an image as strong as 'faucet leaking liquor' and that's almost a forced type of image. And I can tell by experience, that you didnt even write that line with that phrase in mind. It just came to you. I know this. You wrote the previous lines almost on whim, and whatever came, came. And that is awfully impactful on your writing. There's almost little time spent on the creation of other aspects of writing. I say this because I don't see you elevating other than creating a caricature of what you want to be. And if it doesn't have some syllable sorcery, then it isnt good to you. But you fail to grasp a lot of emotions because of your paranoid fascination with syllables. "BUT I LIKE THEM SO MUCH BRO ITS WHAT MAKES IT COOL", yeah cool. But you have to have some sort of debate with yourself. Is this really where you find an advance in writing? Is this really your top caliber writing? Of course you can say NAH MAN IJUST WHIPPED THIS UP. But the very pinnacle of your writing rivals what's written here. And it's cool if you're doing this 'just for fun' but I'd like to see improvement. Something out of the ordinary, without being fleshed out as this insipid need for the conventional go about of your discipline. Idk. not bad.

GOD, U FUCKING SUCK

MY APPETITE IS BORING LOL MY ASS IS TIGHT AND HORNY. NIGGA RHYME LIKE THESAURUS IN '07. I JUST READ THIS BULLSHIT AND DON'T REMEMBER NOTHING FROM IT. DID I EVEN READ IT? I DUNNO. STARTING TO THINK I FEEL ASLEEP AFTER THE FIRST BAR. YOUR WRITING IS BORING, NOT YOUR APPETITE. PLZ KILL YOURSELF. RETIRE. NOT GOOD. VERY FORGETTABLE. WHAT WAS I GONNA SAY?

YOU SUCK

I liked it? Lol

Falling back into your old ways eh?
Its no lie that you can string together syllables galore as needed
you add the perfect amount of humor as well to replace technicality
I've seen you serve up much stronger verses than this though
at times the reading felt off. it may be due to the hangover..
its odd though. I recall your suggestion of quality over quantity.
and maybe you should apply that to verse as well...I enjoy paragraphs every now and then
and when I see the style from an askew point of view I'm indecisive if I like it.
this may just be a refresher so I wont hold it against you..
but I know deep down in your heart of hearts you can do much better

@Youngest wanna collab?

hey CopyPat, maybe we should collaborate and Jot Some Raps. we're Not Too Bad just gotta conTinue to, "Stretch" Syllables with less Filler Tho.

i don't vote on "buddha battles", unless i truly Had to. (like say there weren't enough Votes,, after it Ended). maybe you got Out-Wrote but i Liked yours- it was Technically Splendid.. Syllabically Measured,with ca-tegorical Effort. Shiiit..
i Only Mention because i've seen your Feed back bFore. apparently with our talent,we Needta be doing More. like here's some depth and imagery- i bought it@the Store.
lol