puked at work today
 

Man.

Yo.


TODAY FUCKIN SUCKED.

So last nite....I'm getting WRECKED cuz I am cringe at the thought of foreplay with this stupid anime chick....she tastes like she just sucked the Marlboro man's dick off and he jizzed lung cancer into her mouth. An yes I kno I said I cut her off deadman....but I didnt. So....there's that. ANYWAYS. She comes over. I rail her into whiskey oblivion. Luckily she arrived before my would be soon whiskey dick. Instead she got that champion cock. Told her to gimme her cigs after an leave. .....she said somethin....idk...i was in the bathroom shitting w the door open cuz fuck her...nahmean? I'm like CLOSE THE DOOR ON UR WAY OUT I'M NOT PAYING TO COOL DOWN THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD. Like my parents used to scream at me.....when I was still poor. CUZ they were poor. An I'm poor still. So anyways. I go into work 2 hours late. CUZ why not? I'm still drunk. I sit down. Phone rings. Wtf? I panic. I'm already sweating cuz it's like 85 degrees out and my pores are clogged with Jack daniels. I look around to see if anybody heard my phone SCREAMING at me. No one saw. Phew. I let it go to voice mail. It rings again....I pick it up this time....like I said....I'm still pretty on at this point.....HELLO!? CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME A MESSAGE@?@? The woman on the other end of the phone was confused by this......she says....um? But....and before she even has the opportunity to explain that I picked up the phone...and should take her call...I blurt out....THANKS I'M OUT OF THE OFFICE INDEFINITELY an hang up. That may come back on me. No way to tell for sure tho. So now the room is spinning. My manager calls a team mtg....I'm like. Jesus why? I try to hit the bathroom first before entering the belly if the beast. I get in there an big Mike is in there recreating the battle of little big horn. Just upsettingly awful...complete and utter massacre. At this point I've lost control of my bodily functions an I just projectile yak all over the bathroom floor. For a moment I think....well...that's more like it....I even smiled....then I walk towards the paper towel dispenser to wipe my mouth off an leave big Mike to this puke parade while I slide into my mtg unscathed! Yea well....not today. I slip in the puke.....badly....my front leg lifts up....imagine guile flash kick...SONIC PUKE. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck fuck bros. I land all in it.....its on my back and my side an arm. So I take my dress shirt off an put it in the sink....then ring out the puke an roll it into a ball....of course the whole floor is in this god forsaken meeting. So....I'm now in a puke stained white tee.....I'm walk into the mtg an first thing I just sit down in the back.....then this loud ass black bitch Nicole is like...WAT IS THAT SMELL OH MY GAWD. Bitch shut ur fat ass the fuck up. Stinky black bitch u stink like shit everyday an I don't make any announcements. So the whole room looks back at me. I'm sweating. Covered in puke. Bags under my eyes 2010 punchline. People lookin at me like I'm some sort of barbarian. WUT U FUCKING COCKSUCKERS DO WE HAVE AN ISSUE HERE@??!? the sup just glares at me so...i....say....im taking a sick day. Big Mike puked on me in the bathroom. Then I slink out of the office. I'm sure everything will be fine.


Discus?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha when did you become such scum? Hahahahahaha lmfao, this can't be real.


Tears

veritas is going to have so many things to say about this.

Diode,

funny you should say that.


- V -

lmao

that is fucked

I love ya bro

But I'd fire you tbcancer

Lmaooo

But of course u take the coward route an blame it on big mike.
I hope he whips ur ass into the underworld 2morrow.

Sometimes I hope hell is real because you don't deserve peace.

You deserve to be in pain forever.

I hate you.

Bagsler Durden. Straight causing fucking havoc. I tip my hat to you, sir.

Yes this is puke on my shirt. No I'm Not ashamed of it. Yes I'll tale my sick day.

this is who veritas thinks he is

I am staying out of this to increase my discipline. Trust that I have much to say about this, but it is all pointless.

I don't want to dominate this thread, so have at it you guys.

praise him for his funny story!!!

hey bags while you showered in vomit i showered in GLASS

i opened a ford escape tailgate. 2012 or some shit well i had the window of the tailgate open and went to put tape on it, and it exploded into a billion pieces. right over my head. so i was covered in glass dust and shards. got like 83 tiny cuts that aren't visible. i was scared when i washed my beard that there would be glass hidden in it and it would shear off my beard/cut my jugular. but it didnt.

my boss wasn't mad. which was almost more unsettling. i feel like he is secretly pissed but he was joking and joyful when i seen him before the day was over and he was like go cavs. i was like word B.

BUT YEA. big mike is a dick. i hope everyone believes he vomitted in your stead.

also can you refrain from your shitty giant paragraphs? just give it a line break you plebian. i know thats a thing you do here and its endearing to these dummies but its difficult for me to read and usually leads to me just either not reading your giant paragraphs, and or pretending i read them to help your ego

<3

James Murphy to thread for full analysis

Nah man.. If you work in a office with cubicles, and people refer to you as Big Mike... it means you're retarded


I for one applaud Bags for blaming the mentally unfit for his failings

lmaoooo
Daniel gottem

I said I refuse Phil. Let me be. it is pointless. get anthony to call me so we can do some real work.

Fuuuuuuck

GO FUCK YOURSELF