![]() |
Unfukwitable 0-1 vs Wanderer 0-1 - WANDERER WINS BY NOSHOW
Netcees Battle League Season VIII Rules Due Dates:
Line Limit:
For additional Rules refer to rule thread First to 5, win by at least two votes Good luck! @Unfukwitable @Wanderer |
Check, 12
|
check, copy.
|
Fuck this Lightweight Faggot, you goin home early again just standard
I've Wasted you with this first Bar - you always stumble out of em hammered Claim to be dope but you a liar, got the chokehold on you so the truth transpire It's no wonder all your bars so wack.. You need oxygen to make fire Small Fish, got bars of lame gun talk, the ice beneath you startin to look thin I'm sure your whole crew surrounded by metal - nobody ever told you that's a sardine tin I'm after the win, you bite all your writtens faggot, an still they ain't good enough to archive a stash Don't get me wrong you often Outstandin - by garbage cans tryna recycle trash Don't consider the bars of a waster, this dude think corny lines are the best I know you think your Cheese Greater - I just wanna see that many holes in ya chest Are you depressed? deluded thinking you'd impress or that ya chances in a higher position You so fuckin Shocked how I've made Light Work of you, they gonna be calling me Electrician |
Fuck this Lightweight Faggot, you goin home early again just standard
I've Wasted you with this first Bar - you always stumble out of em hammered The bar flip is played to death. I appreciate the extra effort by including wasted but when people see it enough they start to expect it before the punchline =, which mkaes it less effective Claim to be dope but you a liar, got the chokehold on you so the truth transpire It's no wonder all your bars so wack.. You need oxygen to make fire Love the wording here. ok flip, good bar Small Fish, got bars of lame gun talk, the ice beneath you startin to look thin I'm sure your whole crew surrounded by metal - nobody ever told you that's a sardine tin tbh I like this bar a lot I'm after the win, you bite all your writtens faggot, an still they ain't good enough to archive a stash Don't get me wrong you often Outstandin - by garbage cans tryna recycle trash havent seen ti before but ok. wasn't a huge hit but didn't miss Don't consider the bars of a waster, this dude think corny lines are the best I know you think your Cheese Greater - I just wanna see that many holes in ya chest this one's a bit of a stretch with the wp. Are you depressed? deluded thinking you'd impress or that ya chances in a higher position You so fuckin Shocked how I've made Light Work of you, they gonna be calling me Electrician I'm pretty sure this is in the same vein as the bar flip in your opener. extra effort makes it hit more but at this point we have seen this sort of thing enough sorry @Unfukwitable noshowed you Dug your wording though. Just stay away from played shit (I know thats a pain to hear cause I started about two years ago and spent the first one just hearing 'cool just dont do played flips'). solid drop though |
Quote:
|
Fuck this Lightweight Faggot, you goin home early again just standard
I've Wasted you with this first Bar - you always stumble out of em hammered ^bar wp had been done to death. u have to get RLY creative w/ these kinda lines for them to have any impact Claim to be dope but you a liar, got the chokehold on you so the truth transpire It's no wonder all your bars so wack.. You need oxygen to make fire ^the choke/no air/no fire concept was aight. but the execution needed to be better. the choke part shuda been in the pun chline instead'a the 'no wonder ur bars whack' part imo. make ur punchline more focused on the concept Small Fish, got bars of lame gun talk, the ice beneath you startin to look thin I'm sure your whole crew surrounded by metal - nobody ever told you that's a sardine tin ^this concept was cool. execution lacking again tho. sth like "u swear ur crew always has metal around, but..." & then maybe even tie in an additional fish wp? idk, those flips aren't that good either, but they're just starting points. like ur concept shud be ur starting point and then u go from there and develop the idea until u arrive at sth good. but the metal/sardine tin connection is not strong enough for it to be a good bar I'm after the win, you bite all your writtens faggot, an still they ain't good enough to archive a stash Don't get me wrong you often Outstandin - by garbage cans tryna recycle trash ^this wordplay is prtty old. try & stay away from obvious flips like these Don't consider the bars of a waster, this dude think corny lines are the best I know you think your Cheese Greater - I just wanna see that many holes in ya chest ^this wasn't bad. i woulda flipped it sth like this: "i know u think ur cheese greater - i think so too, considering the holes all over u" or sth. but yea, w/ a slightly better wording, this woulda been a good line Are you depressed? deluded thinking you'd impress or that ya chances in a higher position You so fuckin Shocked how I've made Light Work of you, they gonna be calling me Electrician ^concept was cool again. connection pretty good this time. but the wording wasn't harsh enough. like others said, 'they gonna call me electrician' just doesnt make for a harsh punchline overall, u got good enough ideas. just try to develop them more and flip them better. read other battles to get an idea how other battlers turn concepts into hard-hitting bars. if u can improve ur wording, u'll be elevating fast. |
Quote:
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:21 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by
Advanced User Tagging (Lite) -
vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.