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-   -   what kind of titles did Neighbor make maybe I should do one of those idk (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=118181)

Split Eight 04-11-2015 01:09 PM

what kind of titles did Neighbor make maybe I should do one of those idk
 
asphyxiation leaves my palms red,
something up my sleeve- blink & see em all dead.
Reverse Renaissance. meet with Danté, & burn in a pond.
wrist flick, flaunt blade, insert into jaw; vault off the deck,
retrograde sheath as I flee the context, turn & I'm gone,
drop flames under false names in a permanent scrawl,
the purp in the bong could make centigrades weep.
y'all meditate weeks while I'm teeing off threads,
rehearse every drop just to squeak a false threat,
Ezio's dreams couldnt beat this content. I'm certified raw
it takes a seven day siege before I leave your moms bed.
I germinate seeds while you fertilize lawns. I'm bout it, sons,
count to a thou- curtain call, & I got a thousand-one.
My arsenal's packed, fuck it- rob a bank in broad day in a carnival mask,
Put your hard-earned in the duffel with the other poverty STACKS


BLAT

Wise Wiggles 04-11-2015 01:47 PM

disgusting

El Muffin 04-11-2015 02:08 PM

Nice

The permanent scrawl /retrograde sheath part impressed me the most

But "it takes a 7 day siege b4 I leave ur mom's bed" iono. Loved it.

Couple of dry spots like the false threats part..actually that's the only segment I didn't like

Rest was cool

Nice flex faggot

Mutilate 04-11-2015 03:42 PM

How the fuck does a centigrade weep??

Do you even know what a centigrade is?

Split Eight 04-11-2015 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mutilate (Post 474788)
How the fuck does a centigrade weep??

Do you even know what a centigrade is?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mutilate (Post 474533)
This axe'll dent your face it's not an accident okay
I'm asking this to pass a fist into a pacifist today
A pair of lies can leave you paralyzed
Maybe you'll get put into a comma, when we take em out



Quote:

Originally Posted by Mutilate (Post 474533)
A pair of lies can leave you paralyzed
Maybe you'll get put into a comma, when we take em out



Quote:

Originally Posted by Mutilate (Post 474533)
Maybe you'll get put into a comma






































Quote:

Originally Posted by Mutilate (Post 474533)
Maybe you'll get put into a comma


El Muffin 04-11-2015 04:59 PM

I'm smiling

Wise Wiggles 04-11-2015 05:03 PM

lolll

El Muffin 04-11-2015 05:25 PM

flames/centigrade
Only connection I can make

Perhaps itsNothing to take literally. Just a weird sense of the grandiose

Vintage split. From my perspective

Ur rhyme schemes are a bit Moar tolerable now BTW

Alot more actually

Mutilate 04-11-2015 07:14 PM

Put into a comma when we take e(m)out

Take M out of comma

Coma

And I'm taking em out meaning I'll take out guns and shoot ur dick off

Centigrade is an old term for Celsius.

SO SURE, MAKE A CELSIUS CRY.

Who knew A unit of measurement for temperature has so many feelings it could weep

Split Eight 04-12-2015 06:07 PM

idk, weed's so fire that even temperature itself is like damn

I think you're reading a bit too much into it. I don't do longbar

Split Eight 04-12-2015 06:11 PM

Thank you Mufflestiltskin

Zen 04-12-2015 06:41 PM

This is the least Split verse I've ever read, and it's pretty fucking great, mane.

Neighbor 04-15-2015 04:19 PM

Before I leave feed, who is Dr Dog?

Certain 04-15-2015 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neighbor (Post 475711)
Before I leave feed, who is Dr Dog?

Split Eight.

david stern razor burns 04-20-2015 03:34 PM

Wow. This was very different from you, good Doctor.
First off, this felt much more fluid and spontaneous then your normal works.
It had a real fun vibe to it, was a faced paced and enthralling read, I quite enjoyed this change of pace from you.
There were still signature elements of doctorism in your wording enough to know that someone with real skill and experience, such as yourself, wrote this piece.
Everything was crisp and concise.
Excellent brick of butter. I wished it was longer.
Stay around, and help bring this section back to life!

p.s. he named them like Budapest. Perhaps you should do "Boston"

Pharaohs Army 04-24-2015 12:42 AM

I like it. What I noticed was the rhyme scheme. You tease out nice internal rhymes and return to a previous end rhyme. Very dope once this is realized and inflection adjusted accordingly. This is good and as an aside I like it better than your bedside manner piece. Good technically.

The way rhymes are displayed are something I'm analyzing and experimenting with, and I feel like it might serve you to put more on each line, like doubling the length of some lines before going to the next line. Or even doing it all in "para".. Because the writing/rhyming is so sound here, that that kind of format could show the reader how flexible the rhymes/breaths can be, whilst keeping the tempo, regardless of where the line breaks. You wrote it though. So that is just my opinion... just sayin' put it in a para & take a look@it.

You take an ABAB or an ABBA or ABBBA and make them unique, due to the complexity of A or B, etc.
I mean that's what we all do kinda, lol. but u did it well here.

big baby 04-24-2015 03:12 PM

sucked thx


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