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-   -   Cold winter (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=11545)

ill nik-A 08-19-2013 03:59 PM

Cold winter
 
I try to keep my cool as the liquor keeps navigating through my liver
the bearer of bad news must be hibernating through the winter
there’s much debating to consider, as the loaded revolver spins
& though times are changing I’m not sure it can be resolved by spring
sins consult the wind, the air shares despair while the heat is on hold
I had all intention to go through with it but since then my feet have gone cold
you can dance to the beat of my soul, but my heart’s used to the classics
melodies pay homage to memories while my smarts choose to mask it
scars move in past tense, I’m so out of sync with tomorrow’s focus
rain circles the eye of the storm with an extra drop for my sorrow’s dosage
everything I bottled broke this hopeless trend to send a message
melancholically divided without the leg strength to withstand aggression
can’t befriend acceptance, fear’s a tear away from flooding my dry humor
self-taught lessons overshadowing decisions while stalking my shy tutor
it’s a live hoover on a mountain top without ever reaching my peak
dropped backpacks with no ropes or compasses keep seeking my peace
my nose keeps breathing the beast, hyper tension’s favorite scent
doesn’t matter if its across hail, sleet or snow paranoia paced & went
we share the same sentiment, mother nature defended its native leaf
chemicals intensified its purity then South America claimed its piece
it’s a crusade for me… on a journey where I traded all possessions
the missing power tool were reasons I illustrated some aggression
you can’t evade it once infected, it’s a trap filled with ugly evidence
the blast echoed through the cold followed by a bloody avalanche

Exis 08-19-2013 04:08 PM

there’s much debating to consider, as the loaded revolver spins
& though times are changing I’m not sure it can be resolved by spring
sins consult the wind, the air shares despair while the heat is on hold
I had all intention to go through with it but since then my feet have gone cold

^^Dope.

What's with suddenly hittin' up this section so often? Anyways...I liked alot of this, had some great imagery and your word usage was nice to say the least...actually it had a bit of everythin' that makes up a tight verse, good shit.

...Stay upwards.

Vulgar 08-20-2013 01:52 AM

Agree with Ex, this is a tight verse. When someone attacks a certain angle, like a season or a mood, fireworks usually happen. Winter is an irresistible thing to write on, and you did your thing here. The flow moved along at a gingerly pace (no PJK) which complemented the medley you presented in slideshow form.

I try to keep my cool as the liquor keeps navigating through my liver
the bearer of bad news must be hibernating through the winter
Solid intro

scars move in past tense, I’m so out of sync with tomorrow’s focus
rain circles the eye of the storm with an extra drop for my sorrow’s dosage
everything I bottled broke this hopeless trend to send a message
melancholically divided without the leg strength to withstand aggression
Nice conveyances

my nose keeps breathing the beast, hyper tension’s favorite scent
doesn’t matter if its across hail, sleet or snow paranoia paced & went
You make the content exciting and new

Keep doing it

ill nik-A 08-21-2013 02:10 PM

Can I get some more on this one?

Thx exis and vulg
@Baron Mynd

Chyeahhh!!! 08-21-2013 03:25 PM

he speaks....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ill nik-A (Post 124421)
you can dance to the beat of my soul, but my heart’s used to the classics
melodies pay homage to memories while my smarts choose to mask it

favorite line. Kind of like a beautiful ugly how the sadness was executed (no pun) with such finesse. Fine tuned imagery and fluid word placement had me nodding along without a beat. A framed suicide opus

Mike Wrecka 08-21-2013 06:37 PM

this was cool. had some really good lines in there. flow was very deliberate and consistent. which I enjoyed. your om verses are a lot like your battle verses in structure but obviously very different in content. I thought this was going to be a descriptive piece about winter but it was more of an interesting reflective piece.

and since you live in Miami a cold winter is foreign to you. what you guys go all the way down to 70 in February? lmao.

good stuff

ill nik-A 08-21-2013 06:45 PM

Maybe a bit too abstract but cocaine use references hasn't been gathered I take it

Still like to see the readers perspective, chyea is right though about the suicide


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