Juss Allah Shit.
 

Im still being chased in my sleep, why am i here
The voice in my head hasnt been quiet in years
Otherwise, the silence would steer me over a cliff
Im not used to the peace, just the bullet being load from the clip
Its been one fucked up road of a trip, to many options
Had to rob, cheat, steal, how would you have responded
Ive been truly demonic since the angels have fell
And learned gods not real, better off saving yourself
This is basically hell, theres no heaven with gates
But there is poverty, bums, and a section of eight
Crack stems in the face of the people on drugs
And to think, yesterday these were people i loved
I cant speak when im buzzed, cursed to observe
Watch my neighbors kill themselves, worse than the purge
No words could divert the intention of man
Were all cards to be played in destinies hand
My quest has been damned since maturity hit
A pawn in the same game, views from a personal glimpse
Theres a perfect abyss, a pit, my germ to be itched
A burden that hits, my music is certain of this
Find furniture, sit, and realize were all lost in a circle of shit
Buncha worms in the crypt that cant make any change
Theres no one to talk to, communicate with the grave
Pray, Im one ouija board game away, from raising kaine
Picking his broken wings up, and saving grace
For angers sakes, i need a fucking change of pace
Its either that, or a noose hole to hang my faith
My face aimed in shame at the ground in this room
Dying of thirst, looking for the fountain of youth
Or mountain dew, before i throw up in my mouth, and down the puke
Staring at the television, placing doubt in the news
Theres not an ounce of truth in the medias trash
Punching holes in the walls, go to sleep in the cracks
How decent is that, i found a comfortable crease in the mud
Where i can jerk off, let the semen adjust
Demons and dust, birthing a cynder block creature of lust
I just need to sprinkle some blood, let the evil become
A genious, a dud, nothing ever speaks to me once... fuck
Then abruptly the windows collapse, sync holes attack
The ozone layer has pin holes and big open gaps
My skin, bones and back crack, releasing a light
I levitate over people in fright, keep takin flight
Its like im deep in the clouds, then im freefalling down
Tongue sticking out, like jordan leaped from the foul
Hit the cement and ouch, blood keeps bleeding out
Im finally in peace, with the pieces of ground
Soul releases, looks around, ive accomplished my destiny
But cant rest at ease, more problems presented me
Presently scratching my head, a ball of gas and of death
Screams in the dark are how people react to the dead
I walk a flatline of my past time, memories stirred
Bring smiles to friends of mine and haunt enemies nerves
Writing the words "get out" in thier frozen breathe, on a mirror
Just a message to fear, as a magot infested reflection appears
Within seconds im gone, on my way to places unknown
The life of a ghost, the temperature stays very cold
Alone in this world, i wish to return to the flesh
Afterlife is boring me, i miss the perversion of sex
The curtain is closed, its dark, somewhere perfectly lost
My girlfriend appears, i touch her curviture, soft
She shudders worse than a frost, in love with her, hurts to be gone
Singing words to a song, i wrote it while i was high
Crack a smile and fly, back to my endless domain
Ill visit her if she happens to mention my name
Strength and restraint, no sense in driving her nuts
We'll be together again, if her time ever comes

No love?

the format of this is the type that i personally dig. the content of it all was cool, but it should've been more emotionally charged in my opinion based on what you were speaking about.

Dying of thirst, looking for the fountain of youth
this line is cool based upon the play of ideas.

Its like im deep in the clouds, then im freefalling down
Tongue sticking out, like jordan leaped from the foul
this is a cool ass image. i feel like overall this is like a first draft of a verse and something that needs revision. and for a first draft it is very strong so take compliment in that. I just feel as though it's lacking a real cohesive directness and that there is a good amount that can be done to polish it as a whole. the story itself is an emotional one but it's lacking that emotional charge. would love to see a revision of this.

dopee

Crack stems in the face of the people on drugs
And to think, yesterday these were people i loved
-whoa

My face aimed in shame at the ground in this room
Dying of thirst, looking for the fountain of youth
-daaamn neva heard a drinking reference to the fountain of youth...Dope

I walk a flatline of my past time, memories stirred
Bring smiles to friends of mine and haunt enemies nerves
-imagery is Nice wit' this one

this piece is dope as hell man...Like the short connecting lines made it easy to read, and stay smooth...Not much filler either..everything went good wit' the story..
I woulda liked a twist wit' the ending...thought u were gonna flip somethin' crazy wit' the girlfriend visit somehow

But nothin' taken away from this...Overall this is well written..enjoyed it my dude

HoLLa

Your flow is butta
You transition from one rhyme to the other perfecttly and it was consistent throughout the whole verse. I also think the content of the piece was dope there were lines that was a bit predictable like the fountain of youth one but I thought it fit well on this.
I personally like the gods not real better of saving yourself line I dont know why but I found this line really dope to me.

I thought this was pretty cool, long as shit too...
the beginning was starting off pretty cool, but the wording was bumpy
I get what you were trying to say though, it just felt awkward to me
but as we progress I feel like you picked up and really just went all out
which I like, I enjoy the pieces when you go on non-stop because you unload a lot
you make the flow of the piece seem effortless as well as worth the wait
I feel like as you go along the weight feels like less of a burden then you just let loose more
which makes for a great Geno piece...nice work my dude