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-   -   jsmxjendksn (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=107984)

YDK 11-23-2014 07:00 PM

jsmxjendksn
 
I started off as a monster,
Actually just a mobster gripping a mossberg.
Introduced improperly to the game
Yet I prospered the same.
Volunteered to do work at no cost to the lames
Gotta ticket to hell that I bought with my name.
Now that tickets for sale, blood glossy and stained.
I'll Pierce your pulse like a Boston exchange
Mind blowing bars; this boss is deranged.
I've been considered a lost cause,
So much so that I often pause,
I'll probably end up in a coffin or bars
But I'll never burn out there's no stopping a star.
I stay dropping hard
you pussies are bound to be flawed
Running lyrical laps all around you broads
and I ain't even strapped I'm just packin my balls.
Hackysackin; my nuts in your jaws,
Been on my dick for so long that you've had to get off!
Look, now I'm somethin to see
All you rappers faggots you ain't fuckin with me
YOU'RE ALL NOTHING TO ME
I gotta pump in the seat
Shining like a lighter with a blunt in my teeth.
Ha that's so funny I forgot about the perc in my nose
I'm that person that nobody knows
That only holds back just to worsen the blows
Judging by this verse I'm just cursin my foes
So dig your own grave;
I throw dirt on you hoes

YDK 11-26-2014 10:09 AM

@God Of War

ogiatje 12-03-2014 12:38 AM

flow was the highlight in this easy. as a whole, it started off strong and then took a turn for the worse before spiking back before it all came to a close.

But I'll never burn out there's no stopping a star.
I know what you are saying here but the large majority of stars do actually burn out and therefore this line acts against you

That only holds back just to worsen the blows
this however is that sly shit that is super fucking cool. "i have to step back to not knock you the fuck out" i dig this line a lot. the idea behind it is super simple but the way it was presented made it a highlight. this does seem like something you wrote quickly, would like to see something more cohesive as a whole.

Geno 12-03-2014 07:09 PM

Cool. Content was better in the beginning half imo. Flow was cool. Youve gotten better over time. I dib your topicals more than i do these scattered thought pieces of yours.

Where your verse for our collab. We need to smack something raw out

YDK 12-04-2014 01:25 PM

Im still tryna get something together man sorry it taking so long @Genocide daughter been sick again

YDK 12-10-2014 09:22 AM

Up

Mr. J 12-12-2014 01:52 PM

The flow in this verse is crazy, you held it together
I really enjoyed how you were capable of carrying it out throughout
my only complaint is when you tried to switch it up
after 'mind blowing bars' it seemed like you slipped a bit
I really enjoyed the first half of this though and thought you handled your own
you rounded it off nicely at the end though, nice work my dude

KennyCerealBowl 12-12-2014 02:05 PM

YDK I dont know if u know me but I think I know u I think Ive seen u in rr but I could be wrong.
I'm about 75 percent sure. W.e Always been a fan of your flow honestly I think you make one of the smoothest reads in any rap forums ive been to(ew that sounded kinda lkke im dickridding) but yeah overall this piece is great smooth read and very vivid imagery. It might not be the most descriptive but its just enough to make clear understanding of the situation and I like that. the simplicity is what make it dope.

YDK 12-13-2014 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KennyCerealBowl (Post 450942)
YDK I dont know if u know me but I think I know u I think Ive seen u in rr but I could be wrong.
I'm about 75 percent sure. W.e Always been a fan of your flow honestly I think you make one of the smoothest reads in any rap forums ive been to(ew that sounded kinda lkke im dickridding) but yeah overall this piece is great smooth read and very vivid imagery. It might not be the most descriptive but its just enough to make clear understanding of the situation and I like that. the simplicity is what make it dope.

Thanks man an yeah I'm on rr too lol


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